Page 6 of Still Made For You

“Thank you so much. Have a blessed night.” Melody waved back to me.

I felt like I’d really done a good deed today. People should be treated with dignity regardless of their financial status. It’s one of the reasons Justice went so hard when it came to his outreach programs. In the last few years, I’ve been blessed enough to provide free hairstyles for the kids going back to school who couldn’t afford them, and the smiles on their faces were worth more than money could buy. As I walked to my car, I reflected on how much life has changed for me. My past made me who I am today, and I’ll never forget where I came from.

***

“Whyareyoustillup, sir?” I asked, standing in the doorway of Cartier’s room. Glancing around at the poster boards and decor, it reminded me of just how much my baby brother has grown. He’s no longer a baby anymore.

“Sorry, I’ve got a lot on my mind.” My face scrunched up, wondering what stress an eleven-year-old may have. I stepped into his room, plopping down on his bed right next to him.

“What’s going on?” The worried expression plastered across his handsome face concerned me. He watched me for a moment before finally breaking the silence.

“I think I’m going to go live with Nana Shelley after the new year.” I may seem dramatic, but his words felt like a dagger being twisted through my heart. For a moment, I forgot how to breathe correctly. My emotions shut down my ability to think straight.

“W-where is this coming from?” Twice in one night felt like a setup.

“I overheard you talking with Nana earlier, and I agree with her.” My hands trembled, and my heart rate beat rapidly. How could this make sense to them when it felt like the end of me?

“Hear me out, Yani. You and Justice are young, and this is a new life for you. You’ve been taking care of Cayden and me since we were born. It’s time for you to take care of yourself now.” Tears sprang to my eyes as I listened to his reasoning. From my peripherals, I saw Cayden walk into the room. He took a seat on the edge of the bed.

“What are y’all in here talking about?” He inquired. At this point, I wanted to break down completely.

“I told Yani about what we were discussing earlier.” Another jab to my soul.

“Oh,” Cayden observed me without saying too much.

“We want you to be happy, Yani. We aren’t babies anymore; you don’t have to feel obligated to take care of us.” Now, my defenses were up.

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Of course, raising two boys at fourteen wasn’t what I planned; however, those were the cards life dealt me. Not once have I ever complained about my life. I’m genuinely confused about why this topic kept coming up.

"Do you want to leave? Am I missing something?”

“No, it’s nothing like that. We love being here with you, but we also want you to live your life. We’ve been a burden to you our whole lives, and we’re trying to set you free. I already have my permit. By next year, I’ll be able to drive Cartier and me to school. Granny knows her way around the kitchen, so we’ll be eating good,” Cayden reasoned. I felt as if I’d been ambushed, and it tore my feelings apart.

I took a deep breath in order to get my emotions back in check. My heartbeat rapidly while I attempted to process their words.

“First off, raising the two of you has never been, nor will it ever be, a burden to me.” Cayden passed me some Kleenex. The tears were heavy because all of this came from left field. I thought after I shut Nana down, the conversation ended for good.

“I want to understand where you’re coming from, but it’s hard for me. My life has no meaning without you two in it.”

“Yooo! Why ain’t nobody tell me we were having a family meeting?” Justice joked, standing in the doorway. I tried to wipe my tears discreetly, but my man knew me better than most.

“Whoa, who died?” He stepped into the room. His eyes burned a hole through me while he waited for one of us to clue him in.

“Our nana offered for Cartier and me to move in with her once the two of you get married.” I sobbed even harder, hearing it again. I hated the way this made me feel. I knew eventually they’d leave me after they graduated from high school, but not anytime soon.

“I’m confused. Why are y’all trying to leave?” Justice’s tone held the same frustration as mine.

“Nana thinks it’s better for us to live with her so the two of you can live your lives carefree.” My head remained buried in my hands. My heart broke into so many pieces as I listened to Cayden speak.

“What does that have to do with y’all moving out? I’m not sure I’m understanding this correctly. Nothing about our lives will change outside of Yani carrying my last name and, eventually, our children. When have the two of you ever stopped us from living our lives?” Those are my sentiments exactly. It felt as though they were saying we’d somehow missed out on life with them being here, which simply wasn't true.

“The two of you are raising kids that aren’t yours. We aren’t your responsibil-”

“Let’s go ahead and dead this conversation now. When I met Ciyani, I knew the two of you were a major part of her life. When I asked her to be my woman, I understood I’d be taking on a major role in your lives. I agreed to it because it was what I wanted. I mean no disrespect to your nana at all but fuck all that shit. This is your home, and ain’t nobody leaving out of this mothafucka until you’re grown and ready.

"You may not be my children, but you are my family. My responsibility. We’ve been doing this thing called life together for years now, and the two of us getting married won’t change this. We are a family, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Do you have any idea how lost we’d be without the two of you? Hell, we’re already struggling with Cayden graduating in a couple of years. We’re going to hold on to however many years we have left. Ain’t no way you thought we’d agree to let you go. I’m sorry, but it’s not happening.” Justice voiced all of my feelings on the subject. I wasn’t trying to take their choices from them, but their reasoning made no sense to me.

“We weren’t trying to hurt your feelings, Yani. We just don’t want to hold you back,” Cayden expressed.

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