Page 54 of Still Made For You

I loved women with ambition, I only slept with women like Markeisha out of convenience. The moment they no longer served me, I dipped. My own baby momma couldn’t get me to pay her bills so this chick must have bumped her head if she thought I was going to be sponsoring her.

“Yes, I do. I used the money to pay for my wig and an outfit for Law’s party. I thought I’d have more time to come up with the money for my bill. They usually let me go about two months without paying anything.” She whined. I scoffed in disgust. How the hell do you choose an outfit over making sure your responsibilities are taken care of.

“I’m not sure what to tell you because I’m not giving you money. You might want to see what you can work out with those people.” I shrugged my shoulders before trekking towards her door.

“Hmmm, well maybe I should call Bree and ask for her help. I’m sure she’d see no problem lifting a helping hand. Then I can come clean about what we’ve been doing behind her back all of these years. Keeping a secret as big as this has been weighing heavy on my heart.” I glared in her direction. This bitch lost her mind if she thought for one second, I’d let a bum like her blackmail me.

“You can tell her whatever you want. At the end of the day, it’s your word against mine. I can simply tell her you came on to me one night and I fucked up. She might be upset with me, but she has to deal with me regardless because of our son. She’ll cut you off for life and never turn back. So, tell me, is it really worth it?” On the outside I appeared unbothered, however, my anxiety shot through the roof as I waited for her to decide what she wanted to do.

“She might hate me, but she’ll hate you too. All it will do is push her end deeper into the arms of her new man. Although, I don’t know why you even care.” The mention of Bree's new man angered me. Never in a million years did I think my girl would end up with one of my idols. Every time I thought about it, I grew more and more upset.

“How much do you need?” Reaching into my pocket, I grabbed a small knot of money. This would be the last time I messed around with Markeisha again. She’d shown her hand and now I knew not to trust her. The worst kind of woman is a desperate one. They have nothing to lose and everything to gain. As hard as I tried to play, I knew Bree would cut me off forever if she ever found out about us. She might even try to keep my son from me, and it wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. I still cared about Bree even though she was messing around with that nigga.

“$189,” Markeisha smirked with her hand out. I’d never put my hands on a woman before, but she had me reconsidering. After peeling off two-hundred-dollar bills, I turned to leave.

“We wouldn’t have to go through any of this if you would just admit you made a mistake. You should have never been with her in the first place because we were meant to be together. I would never disrespect you the way she has, and you know it. I’ve been loyal all of this time and I deserve to be more than a secret.

The ride back home was filled with silence as I thought about my life right now. My acting career hadn’t taken off the way I thought it would, and the modeling jobs were few and far between. I found myself partying more than anything, and I’ve gotten myself into a whirlwind of trouble. Most of the money my parents had been sending for my bills went to bitches and pills. It’s gotten so bad that my landlord put me out stating that I wasn’t respecting the noise hours. Who the hell has quiet time in a big city anyway? One of my acting buddies allowed me to crash on his couch, but he ended up putting me out when he caught his girlfriend sucking my dick one night. I tried to tell him it wasn’t my idea, but he demanded that I leave. Her head was trash anyway.

I hadn’t told my mom the full truth until she recently started pressing the issue once I failed to go back. My father told her years ago to stop coddling me, but she was the only one in my corner. He thought I was too entitled, but I don’t see the problem. What’s the point of being rich if you can’t live life the way you want?

I thought my life would be easy, but I found myself struggling to keep my head above water. Once I parked in my designated spot, I opened up the glove compartment to retrieve my baggy of pills. One thing about Hollywood was that you could get your hands on the good stuff for the low. I’m glad I scored these before my drive back to Jonah Hills. If I rationed them out correctly, I’d be set for at least a month or two.

I chased two pills with the half-empty water bottle I’d left in here earlier. I felt my body instantly relax even though they hadn’t made it through my system yet. I’d been taking them since I broke my leg last year in a motorcycle accident. My friends and I were trying to show off for this fine-ass broad on the strip, and it ended with a sprained wrist, a dislocated shoulder, and a broken leg.

The pain felt unbearable in the beginning, so they prescribed me oxycodone. My doctor only gave me a thirty-day prescription, advising me of how addictive the medicine could be. He told me the pain would begin to subside over time, and he was correct. Physically, I felt as strong as an ox; however, the moment I tried to wean myself off of the pain meds, things took a turn.

I didn’t go more than a day without them. I tried several times, but the result always ended the same. I’d never craved anything the way I craved these pills. Hell, I messed around with the last girl because she knew the supplier and was able to cop them in large amounts. It got to the point that I could barely function if I wasn’t high. They helped me sleep at night, which I desperately needed. Insomnia had become my worst enemy after the accident, so I used these as a sleep aid.

My phone sounded off, so I picked it up to see who had sent me a message. Clicking on the link, the message instantly sent me into a fit of rage. Onyx had posted a picture, but it wasn’t with Breyoun. It was a photo of Onyx with Sincere perched on his shoulders. The caption read:All I need in this life of Sin! Copped a new whip so I had to make sure he got one too.

In the photo Onyx and Sincere were both standing next to all black Lamborghini’s. Of course, Sin had the toy version, but the shit pissed me off. He had no right to be posting pictures of my kid as if he were some type of father figure or something. Breyoun had me fucked up, thinking it was okay to have this clown parading around with my son without even considering my feelings. If she wanted to play this game, I had something for her ass. I’m done playing mister nice guy, I’ma make her feel it in her chest.

Me: I thought about everything you said, and I don’t want to hide our relationship anymore. Do you have a dress for Saturday? I want to formally introduce you to my family.

Deep Throat: Yes, baby! I promise you won’t regret choosing me.

My anger had me thinking irrationally and I didn’t care. Jumping from my seat, I trekked to my kitchen to grab two beers from the fridge. I wasn’t supposed to be drinking while on these pills, but I needed something to take the edge off. Breyoun had awaken another side of me and she would soon regret it.

fifteen

“Spillit!We’vebeenpatient enough, and we need to know what happened. One minute, we were planning wedding colors, and the next, you disappeared like Casper the ghost. You can’t just leave us hanging like this.” River pressed. We were all at Ms. Tammy’s house, Renegade’s mother. Even though Prosper had multiple baby mommas, she’s been around the longest, so she’s played a role in all of our lives.

“I’m with River. We’ve been worried sick about you for the last few years. Renegade stopped answering questions about you while he was locked up, so it’s been this big old mystery going around. Why did you leave?” I knew the questions were coming, so I’d already prepared myself for them. I’ve been isolated for so long that it felt unusual to be back home, around everything I’ve ever known.

When I drove Renegade to the hospital, I thought for sure he’d take me back home after the day ended. However, it’s been two weeks now, and I’m still in Jonah Hills. Luckily, Sienna has been taking care of my dogs while I figured out what was going on. Prosper’s discharge papers were processed this morning, so I figured once we got him settled, we could discuss me returning back home.

“Umm, Earth to Beauty!” River shouted, breaking me from my thoughts. Taking a deep breath, I repeated the story I’d told Renegade when he found me. Of course, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room, including mine. I’d cried so many tears behind the trauma of my past. Now, more than ever, I wanted to move on from it.

“I don’t understand why you felt you couldn’t reach out to us. Regardless of your relationship with our brother, we love you. We would have supported you no matter what. Hell, we would have cussed our brother out, if he even thought about walking away from you. We looked for you for weeks after you changed your number. Renegade put on this unbothered front, but we knew better. His heart has always beat for you, and it’s never changed.” I wish I could go back in time and take back some of my choices, but it’s impossible.

“My mind was in such a dark place back then. All I wanted was to be alone. I didn’t want you to suffer with me even though I have no doubt you would have been there. My father helped me purchase a small house out in Tisdale, and after I gave birth to Saint, I decided to try to make the best of a bad situation.

I started going to therapy for about six months after he was born, but I became overwhelmed. She suggested I confront my past head-on, but I couldn’t face him. I’d promised never to leave Renegade’s side and I broke my promise. Each time I worked up enough nerve to reach out, I thought about how much he probably hated me. Then I looked at Saint, and I convinced myself he’d never be able to accept my son.”

“I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, Sweetheart. I know all too well what trauma like that does to your soul.” Ms. Tammy replied solemnly. My eyes widened at her revelation.

“My oldest son, Tip, was the product of rape. It’s crazy that you mentioned Renegade not accepting your child because his father and I were best friends when I was attacked. I cried for days when the doctor told me I was pregnant. It took me weeks to even tell him because I was afraid to tell anyone for fear of being judged. I’d always had a bit of a reputation growing up, so I figured no one would believe me. Prosper did. Not only did he stand by me, but he, umm handled my issues.” She gave me a knowing look, sending chills down my spine.

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