Page 3 of Still Made For You

“Why are you hiding this from us? Did you think we wouldn’t approve?” Embarrassment flashed across his face, and I felt terrible about it.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you fellas about it, but I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. No one on this planet could ever replace your mother, and I don’t want you to think it’s what I’m trying to do. I’ll always love Ophelia with every fiber of my being, but I’ve been seeing someone for almost a year now.” His admission came as no surprise, although I can’t say it felt the best hearing it.

Naturally, a man would want to seek companionship. I guess I never thought about how I would feel witnessing my father loving someone outside of our Queen.

“I mean, your dick still works, doesn’t it? We weren’t expecting you to stop having needs and desires just because Mama is no longer here. We figured you’d talk to us when you were ready, not to be hiding your woman in the shadows. You act as if we wouldn’t have been understanding.” Loyal made a lot of valid points.

“We want you to be happy. I’m not sure why you felt as if you couldn’t trust us with this information, but we’re your sons. Your happiness is important to us. Yes, it’s going to be an adjustment for us because we’re so used to you being with mom. However, we will always support you in everything you do. If she makes you happy, then we’ll be happy too. Don’t ever feel as though you have to hide your happiness from us because you think we won’t understand.”

“I guess I was worried it would offend you in some way. It started with me casually dating, but I’ve met a nice lady who makes me happy. She’s been asking to meet you all, and I’ve come up with every excuse I could think of at this point. I know she’s growing tired of me giving her the run-around.”

“After a year, I would have walked away. Shit, you ain’t about to treat me like the booty piece of bread. I’m all for privacy, but you’re hiding her like she’s on a top-secret mission for the government. She probably thinks we hate her or something.” It’s a crazy day when Loyal is the one being a voice of reason, but once again, he speaks the truth.

“I apologize for keeping this from you. We’ve worked so hard to strengthen our relationships over the last two years, and I was afraid this would set us back. I underestimated the men I’ve raised. I’m proud of each of you. Some parents are lucky if even one of their children turns out alright, but God has blessed me beyond measure. Not only are all of you successful, but you are good men.

I stand proudly with my chest out, knowing you’ve absorbed everything I’ve ever tried to instill in you. Growing up the way I did, I knew I wanted to do things differently when I had children of my own. My father was a good man, but he was a hard man to connect with. He raised us under strict guidelines and harsh punishments. Then, by the time we were old enough, he taught us the game. I can count on two fingers how many times my father told us he loved us. One of those times occurred when he was on his deathbed. I vowed to raise y’all with the same values while showing you, it’s okay to show emotions. I’ve made mistakes along the way, but I tried my best to make sure you always felt my love.

I’m pleased to have raised such honorable men. When people say they want their children to be better than them, this is what they mean. I know the women in your lives will be loved correctly, which means my grandchildren will witness healthy black love. Your mom and I used to sit up at night talking about what we wanted our future children to be like.

She’d always say she wanted to raise good men. The kind of man she’d trust with anyone’s daughter. She said once you got married, she wouldn’t be dealing with her future daughter-in-law crying because her sons were dogging them out.” We all laughed because when we first started taking an interest in girls, she gave us all the same speech about how we needed to ensure we treated them the way we’d want a man to treat her. Of course, we rebutted by saying she already had a man.

We understood what she meant, though. A lot of times, men will drag a woman to hell and back, then be ready to end someone’s life if they mistreated their mother. Their thinking was backward as hell because every woman is someone’s daughter. There shouldn’t be a difference in how we treat them.

I’d been teaching Cayden and Cartier some of the same things. Granted, I understood they would make their own decisions, but I prayed they made the right ones. Women were our backbone. If we tore them down, who was going to lift us up?

“I love you, Pops. Being a father has helped me put a lot of things in perspective. There is no rule book to this, so you can only do what you know to do. I want my children to be the best people they can be in this world, but I also have to accept that they may choose a different path.

We might have had our differences, but you’re also the reason I am who I am. The reason I’m able to have confidence in parenting my children. I’m giving my son the same talks of wisdom you once gave me; it blows my mind at times. I appreciate you taking the time with us as kids. Most of my friends either didn’t have fathers or they were too busy running the streets. Thank you for always making us a priority. Mama taught us how to use our hearts, but you taught us what it meant to be a real man, how to honor our wives and be there for our families. How to work hard for everything we want in life, and how to lead with wisdom.” Loyal expressed.

“We love you, Pops. You’ve played a major role in our lives and our families’ lives. The way you show up for Ciyani and the boys gives me an even greater respect for you. You fill a void for them I never could.” Losing Nazir at such a young age affected not only Ciyani but the boys as well.

They needed that love and guidance only a parent could provide, and my father has stepped up for them so much over the years. I love that the boys have another resource to come to if they don’t feel comfortable coming to me. I trusted him to impart the same wisdom in them he’d given me.

We finished up dinner so our father could get to his date. I’m glad he was able to open up to us about it. I extended an invitation to the wedding, figuring it would allow her to meet the family. My father has excellent taste in women, in my opinion, so I knew if he felt interested in her enough to want to bring her around, she must be someone special.

We said our goodbyes before going our separate ways. Once I got inside my car, I said thank you to the man upstairs. My heart felt at peace knowing my father was happy and our family remained intact. It was the little blessings that made the biggest difference.

two

“I’vealreadytalkedtomy friend about catering for the wedding, and I’ve already made a list of what I’ll be making.” Nana Shelly handed me a piece of paper. I knew better than to argue with her, so I simply nodded.

“You don’t think it’s a bit much for a small ceremony, Turtle?” Aunt Marva inquired, calling Nana by her nickname.

“Ain’t no such thing as too much for my baby girl. I’m only making three meats, five sides, and eight desserts. This was the revised version.” I groaned internally. I’m sure the original list looked much worse.

“You don’t need to cook, Nana. Having you in attendance matters more than anything.” I advised. I’d given this same speech to Granny Lula, but neither of them seemed to be paying me any mind. Of course, her response mirrored the one Nana gave me.

“I bet Lula is bringing her famous pound cake. Everybody at the engagement party raved about it for weeks,” Nana grumbled. The two of them seemed to be in this battle about their cooking.

Quite frankly, they were both excellent cooks in their own right. All of this started with Cartier telling Nana her biscuits weren’t as good as Granny Lula’s during last year’s Thanksgiving dinner. We normally try to split our time between both houses.

“The main dessert at the wedding will be the cake. Anything else will be extra,” I explained.

“Hmmm, my peach cobbler will be the talk of the whole reception; you can bet on it!” I giggled at the confident smirk on her face.

“Just save me some for later because you know I have to eat mine with ice cream.” Her peach cobbler brought back many memories from my childhood. My stepfather, Nazir, and I would fight over the last scoop. He swore I was too young to appreciate how delicious it truly was. The thought alone caused me to smile.

With prayer and therapy, I’d finally begun the healing process. Of course, Nazir’s presence would be missed. The difference is now I’m able to enjoy the memories of him without so much torment. The most important feeling to a child is being loved, and he allowed me to experience that. Justice was worried wedding planning might cause me sadness, but I felt great. Although I am hurt about not having my father walk me down the aisle, he remained with me in spirit.

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