Page 26 of Still Made For You

“Whatever, silly girl. Let me get out of here. There’s still a few stops I need to make before I head home.” He gave me a knowing look. All I could do was shake my head, because Keso Jackson was hardheaded as hell.

“And you wondered why I never listened growing up. Clearly, I got it from you.” I huffed, pushing him towards the door. I was in the mood for a smoothie, some chicken wings, and a real nap now.

“Touché, I’ll take that. Take care of yourself, toots, and don’t work that man too hard.” If he only knew how hard that man was working me. I laughed to myself.

“Take care of yourself. Have a good night.” After closing the door, I shuffled my way into the kitchen to make a snack. Wisdom texted me to tell me he loved and missed me, causing me to smile wide. As women we tend to settle for less than we deserve because we believe that’s all that’s out there. It’s better to be alone than to allow someone to treat you less than you deserve. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being thankful for the man in my life. His love healed a different part of me every single day, and I will continue to show my gratitude for being blessed with a real one.

seven

Ialmostdidn’twanttoleave the house after fuckin’ my wife to sleep, but there were a few places I needed to stop at before I could end my day. Pulling up to the first place on my list, I grabbed the gift bags as well as one of the bouquets of flowers. Janae had already gotten her tulips this week, but this was a special visit.

“Happy birthday, young lady.” Stepping in the door, I handed the flowers to Mrs. Patterson. Today was her birthday so I wanted to stop by to bring her flowers and a few gifts. Mr. Gary always went all out for her birthday, so it was only right that I showed up in his honor.

“Aww, you didn’t have to do this. Thank you so much.” She hugged me before inviting me inside.

“How’ve you been? I talked to your son last week and he told me you all were going on a vacation.” Her oldest son, Garrett and I had stayed connected since the funeral. I couldn’t believe it had already been a year since Mr. Gary gained his wings.

“Yes, we took the grandchildren to Disney for five days. I enjoyed being able to get away for a while. We made so many plans for when Gary was going to retire and now, I’m trying to fulfill some of those plans.” She sat one of the gift bags in her lap so she could open it.

“Oh, Wisdom. This is way too much. I can’t believe you!” She exclaimed. Mr. Gary always talked about how she loved purses and expensive perfumes, so I sent Janae to the store on my behalf.

“You’re so welcome. Mr. Gary told me to look out for his queen, so that is what I’m going to do. Plus, I wanted to share some news with you.” I handed her the ultrasound photo I had gotten earlier.

“Oh, my word.” She cupped her mouth in her hands.

“We just found out we’re having twins today.” It was hard to contain my excitement, so I didn’t even try. I’d been on cloud nine since the pregnancy was confirmed, so this news had only intensified my happiness.

“This is incredible. What a mighty God we serve. You’re going to be such an incredible father. You have a given heart and you’re full of wisdom. You remind me so much of Gary.” She paused for a moment. “He loved you like you were another son. I remember when you first started working for him. He used to come home talking about how hard of a worker you were. I didn’t know the first thing about the business, so I’d just nodded my head and listen.

“It wasn’t until he stepped down that I saw everything he was talking about. You took over and hit the ground running. I know I speak for him when I say he’s so proud of you. You have honored every single promise you made to him, and for that, I thank you. He couldn’t have chosen a better successor and I’ll always be so grateful to you.

Gary made sure I was taken care of financially, so I know the money you put in our account every month wasn’t requested by him. You are an honorable man, Wisdom. I pray that every single desire of your heart is given to you, tenfold. Thank you for everything you have done for us. People often switch up once the casket closes so the fact that you have been here since the beginning does not go unnoticed.” I nodded my head as she dabbed her eyes.

“Mr. Gary was a father figure to me at a time when I needed him the most. I will never forget what he was to me, nor will I break any promises I made to him. He and my father taught me what it means to truly love your woman and be what she needs. If I know nothing else, it’s that you were at the center of his happiness.

I used to laugh at the way he smiled when he spoke about you, but now I understand exactly where he came from. The love of a black woman is by far the most powerful and life-altering experience.” Being loved by Janae felt like it should be illegal. She made everything in my life better just by being in herself. Every day I woke up to her leg thrown over me or her light snores, was a blessing to me.

“I knew the moment you walked into the hospital with her in your arms, she would be your ONE. Poor girl was terrified of love, but it’s such an incredible experience when it’s with the right person. I’m glad the two of you have been able to feel what it’s like and those babies will be an added blessing to your life. You tell Janae I need my invitation to the baby shower because I plan on spoiling these babies the same way I spoil all of my other grandbabies. This is truly a blessing.”

We sat around and talked for a bit, before I left. I made sure to slide a couple of dollars on the table. I knew she’d fuss about it, but I didn’t care. As long as I had breath in my body, she would never want for a single thing.

She lived close to my next stop, so it only took me three minutes to get here. Grabbing the other bouquet of flowers, I got out of the car. My stomach knotted up as it normally did when I came here. This was something that would likely never change, so I continued to my destination.

The moment I stood in front of my mother’s grave, I felt at peace. Some days I’d be sad and other days, I’d feel this overwhelming sense of peace come over me. It was as if her spirit was surrounding me.

“Hey, ma. I know I said I was going to come last weekend, but I got a little caught up.” Holding the ultrasound in my hand, I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“You’re going to have two new grandbabies.” I held up the ultrasounds so she could see it. I could remember all of the conversations we had about her becoming a grandmother. We all used to laugh at her because children weren’t on any of our radars as teenagers. We barely wanted to have girlfriends. Momma swore that one day we’d all find love and want to settle down.

It’s crazy to try and wrap my head around the fact that she wouldn’t be here for any of these milestones. She would never get the chance to hold our children or take those cheesy ass family pictures with us. We’d never get to have a mother-son dance with her at our weddings. The day Janae and I got married it killed me inside to go through such a monumental moment without my mother’s love and wisdom. Although I knew I would do everything to keep Janae happy, I was going to miss her sound advice when there was an issue I couldn’t seem to solve.

“I keep trying to pretend like it doesn’t hurt as much, but the truth is, I’ll never be whole without you. I’m about to be a daddy and I’m so hurt that I won’t get to share this with you. My babies will never know their nana. I know you said you didn’t want to be called granny.” I chuckled at the memory as tears pooled in my eyes.

“I wish you were here. It feels like this weird dream I can’t seem to wake up from and I find myself waiting for you to come back and tell me it’s not real. I’m still waiting. You prepared us for so many things in life, but this one will never be right to me. I can’t fill your shoes with anything or anybody. I can’t replace the strength your hugs brought me or the calmness of your prayers. You promised me you’d always be here when I needed you and momma, I need you. I’m afraid of being a father and not being what my children need. I don’t know the first thing about being a parent. I put on a front for Janae, but what if I mess up? Dad wasn’t perfect by any means, and he made mistakes he almost couldn’t come back from.

I don’t want my babies to grow up hating me because I’m too hard on them, but this world is so crazy I can’t go easy on them either. I need your guidance. I need you here to get me in check when I’m being too overbearing or too strict. The same way you used to get on daddy. We always knew you were in our corner whenever he was going in on us. I miss that. Having you in my corner to back me up even when you know I’m wrong.” I smiled through my tears.

Dad and I used to butt heads all the time when I was growing up, and she’d always come in to mediate the situation. The voice of reason. She never took sides. She’d somehow find a way to make us all see the other’s point of view. We all had a soft spot for our Queen, so we were able to receive information better coming from her than one another.

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