Page 21 of Still Made For You

“Does this mean you’re filing for divorce, or are you going to give him a chance to change?” Even though I didn’t agree with the way my father treated my mother, the last thing I wanted was for them to separate permanently. I prayed my father would take heed of this warning and get his life together.

“I don’t know. Your father is my first and only love, so the idea of being done with him scares me. I just know I’m not willing to accept pieces of him. If he’s not willing to step up and be the man I need, I’ll have no choice but to find someone who will.” My mother had never uttered words like this before, so I knew she meant them.

“Do you really think Daddy is going to just let you go and move on with someone else?”

“If he doesn’t want it to be a reality, he’s going to have to put some action behind his words. I’m not settling for the bare minimum any longer.”

“All I want is for the two of you to be happy. Of course, I’d prefer it to be with each other, but I’m rooting for you either way. You deserve to be loved completely, and if Daddy isn’t willing to step up, then I guess I’ll have to get used to the idea of having a step father. Well, at least until my daddy gets rid of him.” I laughed although there was some truth to it. Keso Jackson was not about to sit back and watch another man take his place. At least not without a fight.

“You’re over there laughing because you know your father doesn’t have a lick of sense. I went on a dinner date with an old friend of mine, and your father popped up at the end of it. He put a pistol to that poor man’s head and had him pissing on himself. I was mortified. The poor man ran to his car and blocked me on everything.” It probably was wrong of me to laugh, but I couldn’t help myself. My dad was a true nutcase when comes to his family, but he brought this on himself.

“Omg, what did you do after the man left?” My father had called me last week and begged me to talk some sense into my mother, but he failed to elaborate on what happened. I know he told Wisdom because he told me he’d added a doorbell camera so he could keep an eye on the property. According to him, my father wanted to ensure my mother’s safety.

“What could I do? Your father is crazy as hell, so I let him take me home, and then I cussed him out. He acted as if I’d put a knife to his chest when, in reality, this is just his own little piece of karma.” One thing I’ve learned about men is that they can dish it out, but they can’t take it. My daddy cheated on my mother more than a little bit, but the idea of her going out to dinner sent him spiraling. It was exactly what he deserved if you ask me.

“He is something else. I pray this serves as the wake-up call he needed. I’m really proud of you for choosing you. I might be a daddy’s girl, but you’ll always be my favorite lady. You taught me how to be strong, and I really want to see you genuinely happy.” Neither of my parents were perfect, but they had raised me to be the strong, independent woman I am today.

“I love you so much, Toots. Seeing you come into your own this last year has encouraged me so much. I’m happy that we’ve gotten closer, and I get to be a part of your future. Happiness looks good on you. I guess, in a way, you motivated me to stand up for what myself. I want to experience a love that doesn’t hurt. One I can be proud of and feel protected in. I know your father loves me to an extent, but it’s not the kind of love I deserve.” Her revelation pricked my heart because I felt her pain. She’d given my father the best years of her life, so I couldn’t imagine what it felt like to feel as though you weren’t enough.

“You deserve everything that’s in your heart and I pray you receive it. Like I said before, I’m in your corner regardless of what you decide. I’m grateful for our relationship as well. I prayed for the days I could lay in your lap and get my head scratched like you used to do.” There’s nothing like having your mama play in your hair while y’all watched reality TV together.

That’s what I meant when I said she’d contributed to me being spoiled because every Sunday, I was on her couch after having dinner with the Grahams. She may not have been the best cook, but when it came to dessert, she’d been doing her thing. Any craving I had, she made sure to have it ready for me.

“Spoiled butt, you better enjoy it now because your time will be up before you know it,” she teased. My eyes rolled at her insinuation.

“If you think I’m letting anybody take my spot, you’ve clearly lost your mind.”

“You are ridiculous! I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Jalisa and your brothers. Once y’all make me a granny, y’all will no longer be the favorites.”

“Play with me if you want, mama. I fight kids, too. Ain’t nobody taking my spot from you or daddy. I don’t care who they are.” I meant every word because I wasn’t giving up my spot, at least not yet.

“You can live in a delusion all you want, my love, but I’m preparing you now. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” My mama was lucky I took my job very seriously because I was tempted to wax her whole eyebrow off and send her out here looking crazy. After I finished with her, she held the mirror up to admire my work.

“Thank you, baby. You always get your momma together. Now I can go out into the world and find you a proper stepdaddy,” she proclaimed.

“Ha! We’ll see how that works out. You’re welcome, mommy. Make sure you send me pics once you get dressed tonight.” Her class reunion was tonight, and I already knew her fine ass was going to shut shit down. Serenity and I had helped her pick out her dress a few weeks ago. My momma had a shape that was out of this world, and her dress hugged every curve.

“I will. Serenity is coming to the house to do my makeup, so I’m going to grab something to eat and make sure I have all of my accessories laid out. I’m wearing heels, but depending on how the night goes, I might bring some slippers for later on. Rhonda mentioned something about an after-party, but I don’t know if I’ll last that long.”

“Go outside and throw that ass in a circle! Let your hair down a little bit!” I encouraged.

“And let your father knock me between the washer and dryer!”

“I thought you didn’t care about what my daddy thought?” I teased, knowing damn well her ass was lying.

“He’s still my husband even though I don’t like him at the moment. Plus, you know he has eyes everywhere, so his petty tail will probably pop up if I try to do too much.” I nodded in agreement because I knew before the night was over, he’d be popping up on her.

“Daddy is going to have to take this L like a man. He’ll be okay. The only thing you need to worry about is having a good time. Anything outside of that is not important.”

“Thank you, baby. I’ll be sure to take lots of pictures and videos. Make sure you text me the moment you leave your appointment. I wanted to know everything!” She squealed, wrapping her arms around me.

“I promise I will. I love you, mommy.”

“I love you more, Toots. Try not to stress; God has your back no matter what. Never forget that.” She looked me over once more before collecting her things. I never charged my mom for services, but she made sure to tip me every time. It didn’t matter how many times I told her it wasn’t necessary; she did it anyway. I walked her out before taking a small break

***

“Areyounervous?”Wisdomasked, palming my tiny baby bump. Since the first positive pregnancy test, I’d been walking on eggshells, praying everything would be okay. I can admit that it’s been hard to enjoy my pregnancy the way I should have because I was full of worry. It took me weeks to even tell my girls because I didn’t want to get everyone excited for nothing. We’d suffered a miscarriage shortly after our engagement, and it had sent me into a depression. Wisdom reassured me that our time would come, and there was no pressure. I still felt like a failure because I knew how badly he wanted children of his own.

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