Page 12 of Still Made For You

After he cleaned us both off, I lay there wrapped in his arms. There was no place I’d rather be in this moment.

“Pussy so good, I almost gave you a baby. I pray your birth control holds up because my pull-out game has never been this terrible.” I snickered because he rarely ever pulled out, even when he said he would. Outside of one high school fling, I’ve never had unprotected sex with any other man.

“What if I want one? Your family makes really pretty babies, after all.” I wasn’t ready to be a mother just yet, but it was something I could see in our future.

“I’ll give you all the babies you can handle, but first, I’m going to change your name.” My cheeks hurt as I smiled so hard.

“You want to marry me?” My body turned in his arms so we were face to face.

“It’s either you or it’s nobody. I have plans for us, baby girl. I’m not playing with you.” His lips crashed against mine, causing me to moan. Every time Jett touched me, it ignited a fire inside of me. Just knowing he saw a future for us did something to me. I prayed we’d always been like this. For now, I was determined to do my part in making sure we had a happy and lasting relationship. I deserved this, and I wasn’t selling myself short anymore.

four

“Goodmorning,beautiful.”Ibeamed seeing my handsome ass husband with our little boy in his arms.

“Aww, look at him. What time did he wake up” I didn’t even hear him.” My mind started overthinking because normally when Khalil woke up, I could hear him. I was sleeping so well and now I’m feeling guilty because mothers aren’t supposed to oversleep.

“Don’t even get worked about it. I went into his room to check on him after my morning run, and he was lying in there looking around. He wasn’t crying or anything, so I figured he must have just woken up when I came in there. I changed his diaper, fed him, and we watched an hour of cartoons. Velda is here, so I wanted to let you know breakfast will be ready in the next half hour.” My face frowned at the mention of Velda.

She was an amazing lady and a true godsend since I’ve given birth. It just made me feel like less of a woman to need extra help.

“Don’t give me that look. Her being here is non-negotiable. We need extra help, and I’m not about to let you run yourself into the ground trying to prove a point. This isn’t a matter of whether you’re a wonderful mother because I already know you are. Being a good parent means realizing when you need help. I don’t want you burned out and depressed, so whatever I can do to ease any stress from you, I’m going to do that. Khalil and I deserve the best version of you, and we can’t get that if you’re not the best version of yourself. You are the priority, ma.” My heart rate sped up as he walked closer to me.

It was obvious that I was God’s favorite because why else would he send me such an amazing man? Khalid was pure perfection in my eyes. Most women have horror stories about their pregnancies, but mine was such a beautiful experience.

When we took those pregnancy tests at the sleepover, I thought my world was over. Khalid and I hadn’t been together long enough to have a child, and my biggest fear was him not wanting the baby. However, the moment I sent him that picture of my positive test, he immediately jumped into action. It was such an amazing feeling to have someone who was in my corner with no judgment.

Khalid held my hand throughout my entire pregnancy, making sure I had everything I needed. He attended every doctor’s appointment with a thousand questions ready. I loved how excited he was about our baby and that he wanted to know everything there was to know.

When we told his parents, they were so supportive, which also surprised me. In my mind, I thought they’d judge me, but we experienced the opposite. They welcomed me with open arms and did everything they could to make me feel welcome.

First Lady Jordan calls me every single day just to check on me. Not Khalid, not the baby, me. It warmed my heart whenever I saw her contact flash across my screen because I knew she really cared about me. In the event she didn’t call, she’d send an encouraging text with a scripture attached. She asked me about my mental state, telling me it was okay to let people help me. I honestly felt like her son was the one who was putting her up to that one because he knew how much I struggled.

There’s nothing wrong with receiving help, but being a new wife and mother, I wanted to be everything to everyone. I felt like it was my job to take care of them, especially with it being so early in our relationship. No woman likes the idea of another woman taking care of their man. Even though Velda was only cooking and cleaning up, those were things I was supposed to be doing for my family.

My fears of having postpartum caused me to overthink everything. I never wanted to feel like a burden to my family, so I tried to do it all as if I were a superwoman. I wasn’t, and I learned that the hard way.

Being a new mother was full of so many ups and downs. I’d read many books, and none of them prepared me for the hands-on experience. Being someone who loves to be in control, it was hard for me to adjust to this. Failure was the only thing I could see, and it didn’t matter what Khalid said, I still felt so bad.

“You’re too pretty to be over here stressing. Go get in the shower so you can wash up for breakfast. I have plans for you today, so I need you to get dressed.” My eyebrow furrowed at his news. Khalid was a planner like me, and he hadn’t mentioned us having plans prior to today.

“Why is this the first I’m hearing about any plans? My hair looks a mess, and I haven’t even shaved my legs. I’m a mess.” I whined. Motherhood causes me to slack on a lot of areas I hadn’t expected.

Normally, I stayed at the nail salon and wax lady, but it’s been months since I’ve had any kind of personal maintenance.

“Every single part of you is perfect, and I need you to understand that. The only thing I need you to do is wash up and put on some clothes. Let your man handle the rest, do you understand?” I bit down on my bottom lip at his assertiveness. Khalid had one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met, but there was another side of him that was only reserved for me. I loved it when he bossed up on me and told me how it was going to be.

The girls always made jokes about whether he prayed for me when we were intimate, but baby, they didn’t even know the half of it.

“I like it when you tell me what to do,” I purred. We’d been so wrapped up in the baby that I hadn’t been able to get any real alone time with my husband. Of course, both my mother and his offered to watch him, but I wasn’t ready to let go just yet. Even though I could use the break, I cried whenever I left the house for more than an hour.

“Yeah, you say that now until it’s time for you to listen. Baby boy and I are going to head back downstairs until breakfast is ready. I put some of those shower bombs in the caddy for you, so don’t feel as though you need to rush. Put on some music, do the skincare routine that you love so much, and relax. I don’t want you to be worried about the baby, the house, or work. All I want you to do is focus on taking care of yourself. Can you do that for me?” Bending his head down, he planted a kiss on my lips.

I felt like an addict craving his touch. My body shivered the moment he tilted my chin up to deepen the kiss. A moan escaped my mouth as he swirled his tongue around my mouth. Just when it started to really heat up, Khalil’s little whimpers sounded off. I’d almost forgotten he was strapped to his father’s chest because I was so focused on the thoughts of my husband bending me over the sink in the bathroom.Maybe I should call one of his grandmothers over to watch him for a little while.The thought was fleeting because the minute Khalil’s cries grew stronger, I was ready to say fuck this shower.

“Don’t you even think about it. Go get in the shower,” Khalid pointed towards the shower. Reluctantly, I sauntered towards the shower. My husband had a point because it’s been so long since I’ve even done my usual skincare routine.

It’s something I prided myself on because when you have to choose between sleep and eating, the last thing on your mind is a facial scrub. Self-care has been placed on the back burner for now, but it’s time to get back to myself. I can’t remember the time I actually felt beautiful, and I desired to feel sexy in the presence of my husband. Khalid called me sexy all the time, but internally, I felt disconnected from myself. When I looked in the mirror, I saw saggy boobs, dry lips, bags under my eyes. My skin appeared dull, and my hair was a matted mess on the top of my head.

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