Page 24 of Zac

“I’ll be out here, bud.” I step outside and lean back against the wall and sigh in relief. Leaning my head back, I take a deep breath and wait.

Never had I expected that when he came out his pants would still be around his ankles. He sleepily tries to reach down and tug them up. I’ll admit, this kid thing is a little out of my norm. I mean yeah, I’ve got Piper, but normally that is to hold her and hassle Daxton. I get the giggles and the good times, because if things go south I’m more than happy to push her off to her momma or even Daxton.

“Um.” I hurry to gather his pajama bottoms and tug them into place. “There ya go.”

He mumbles something and then starts down the hall toward the kitchen.

“You hungry?”

“Firsty,” he says and until then I hadn’t realized his th’s sound more like F’s. It makes me smile as I once again pick him up and carry him the rest of the way. When he lays his head onto my shoulder something aches deep in my chest.

This, I could get used to. Having them here, sharing mornings like this, having him love on me like I mean something to him. It’s surreal but strangely comforting at the same time.

I rinse and wash out his cup from last night and then make him some chocolate milk. Then I get myself a cup of coffee and turn around to find he is still standing there waiting for me. Without words, he reaches out and takes my hand. Giving a little tug, I follow as he leads me around to the front of his fort. Letting go of my hand he climbs inside, turns around and sits down facing me. Patting the empty space beside him, following him inside I push back the side so we can see the television. Grabbing the controller I find cartoons. As I am scrolling through the options I expect to get stuck watching something cheesy but smile when he gets excited aboutDuck Tales.

“Oh yeah.” Gray looks up at me nodding and I hit play, settling back into the cushions. Side by side the two of watch a couple episodes, and as the time passes he slowly comes out of his sleepy shell.

As he sings along with the theme song, I find myself joining in, loving every minute of it.

The way his face lights up and the excitement in his eyes, I get lost in it.

“I used to love watching these cartoons when I was your age,” I tell him, laughing at Huey, Dewey, and Louie, the way they hassle their uncle.

“Me and Mommy watch this,” Grayson tells me.

“It was my dad’s favorite.” He bought the DVDs when I was younger and we’d watch them over and over.

“My daddy hates ‘em,” he says and seems completely unaffected by his words. “Cartoons are for sissies.” He giggles not realizing that his words are an insult. I find in that moment I hate his dad just a little more.

“Cartoons aren’t for sissies, bud.” I make sure he looks at me before I continue. “Cartoons are for the cool kids.”

“Yeah.” He smiles, nodding his head. “Cool kids,” he says, thrusting his sippy cup of milk in the air before looking back at the screen. I don’t know how long he and I stay there watching episode after episode, but I know it’s one of the best mornings I’ve had in a really long time.

ChapterEighteen

Presley

I stretch and look around remembering where I am. Then flashbacks of last night come rushing back and instantly my cheeks heat up. Covering my face I can’t help but smile, because it was really, really good.

Slowly, I sit up and hang my legs over the side of the bed, looking around for my clothes. Remembering that my shirt was left downstairs I grab my underwear and leggings off the floor. Then sifting through Zac’s drawers I find a Deranged Ink T-shirt and slip it over my head. It hits my knees and I gather it, twisting and tucking it into the back of my pants at the waist.

Tiptoeing toward the stairs and unsure of what I may find, I slowly descend, looking around for movement. Last time I was here I found Zac in the kitchen cooking, but this time the space is empty.

Then I hear a giggle, followed by Zac’s chuckling. Glancing up at the television I see one of Grayson’s and my favorite cartoons playing. The theme song comes on and in my head I’m already singing along. But when I hear my son, mixed in with Zac’s voice singing the words, I sit on the stairs right where I am and take it all in. It’s something I’ve never had the opportunity to witness, and my chest grows tight and I fight my emotions.

I’m at a loss for words. To be honest I am in awe. Hearing the pure joy in Grayson’s voice, the laughter from Zac, like they are two best friends sharing a morning of fun together.

Tears form in my eyes and I close them to keep them from falling. This, times like these, are what Grayson’s father should be longing for. These are the moments that fly by so fast and then they are gone and all you have left are the memories of them. It breaks my heart that Grant never even asks about his son. He doesn’t care about all the things he’s missing out on.

“I want to sleep here every night,” Gray announces and I cringe thinking that Zac has now been put on the spot. But his response, without hesitation, surprises me. “Buddy you can sleep here every night. I love having you here and like I said, this is your fort. It’s here for you.”

Without being able to hold back any longer the tears fall and I have to hurry back upstairs to cry in private.

I hate more than anything that I chose the wrong man when it came to Gray’s father. But I know had I chosen differently, Grayson wouldn’t be here and for that I’d make those mistakes all over again. It doesn’t make it easier to face, but seeing his sweet little face eases the sadness within me.

He’s such a light and yes often I ask myself how he can be so happy and loving after being cursed with a man like Grant as his father.

I spend a good twenty minutes in the bathroom upstairs, splashing cold water on my face and ensuring that I am calm. When the red splotches are gone and I can breathe without my chest feeling like it is on fire, I make my way downstairs and peek through the side of the fort.

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