Especially when I think about him in that stupid pink shirt doing yoga with the elderly. Or him getting my coffee ready while I rush to school, calmly handing it to me in the car like it’s no big deal. Or even just how he looks when he’s telling me about his dream to recondition the New York skyline and make housing more sustainable and affordable, or when he tells me jokes about all those stupid things he did in the past.
Now I see why all those women found it so hard to let go once the relationship was done. It wasn’t just the mind-blowing sex, although that’s certainly part of it too. But the thing that’s going to be hardest to let go of is the companionship, the banter, the comfortable routine of hanging with each other every single day and just talking.
Oh, God, slow down, Carly. Yule is right. You really have to be careful here, because you’re going toward the deep end.
I pull back from my thoughts and decide not to think about Micah for the rest of the evening.
But it’s difficult because I find myself doing so anyway at odd times during the evening rush. Sometimes I’ll hear a joke and think,Micah would probably enjoy that. I should tell him later. I’ll see someone wink and it will remind me of him. It’s awful, and If I was in the right presence of mind, I would realize that it’s pretty dangerous for me to be thinking this way. But I can’t help it.
“Hello.” A knock on the table finally gets me out of my reverie and I glance down at the patron in front of me. Oh, God, I zoned out right as I was about to take his order and, now he and his table full of large flannel-wearing men are looking at me like I’m crazy.
“I’m so sorry about that,” I apologize instantly. “My mind’s kind of a mess today. What did you want to order?”
A leer spreads across the man’s face, chasing away his annoyance as his eyes crawl down my body.
“I don’t suppose you’re on the menu, are you?” he drawls as his friends snicker between themselves. I raise an eyebrow.
“No,” I say firmly. “I’m not. But I do recommend the special, Chef Yule’s making a mean tomahawk today, and it goes well with the mac and cheese.”
“Nah,” he says. “Not a huge fan of cheese. But I do like a nice curvy woman that can keep me warm at night. And I’m wondering how much I gotta blow on a meal to get her.”
My lip turns.Ew. Creep.
“It’s not happening,” I tell him in a polite but firm voice. The man is pretty huge and I don’t want repercussions.
He laughs. “Oh, come on, don’t pretend to be all uppity now, Carly? Don’t you remember me? And what we had in high school?”
Huh? High school? I peer at the man not trying to recognize him behind his bushy beard and his balding head. But I’m drawing a blank.
“It’s me,” he says. ‘Tiny Tony.”
Tiny… the name takes a while to ring a bell and when it does, I almost groan in regret. Of course. He was one of the boys I made out with in my freshman year of high school. But he looks nothing like what he did before. He was short and scrawny at the time, but he had really sweet blue eyes and he seemed nice and harmless enough when he asked me to hook up. Part of the reason I said yes to it is because I knew his family was leaving town the next day and I thought there was a good chance I would never see him again, and he wouldn’t have time to go around spreading rumors about me after it was done. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
But now seeing what he’s become, I regret it deeply.
Still, he’s a customer so I try to be pleasant. I fake a friendly smile. “Hey, Tony. How’s it going? Nice to see you back.”
“It’s going pretty good. Great now that I’ve seen you.” He seems to take our previous fling as an excuse to lean in to whisper, “You still as good with your tongue as I remember?”
My entire being flushes with anger and indignation, especially as his friends laugh meanly.
Before I can stop myself, I snap back, “I don’t know. You still as stupid as I remember or did you finally pass eighth-grade math?”
That makes his friends laugh even more, and some anger tightens Tony’s features.
But he retains his smile. “Feisty. Good. I like a woman with a little heat. Makes rolling around a lot more interesting.”
“I’m not rolling around with you.” I snap my notebook close and prepare to make my exit. “And it looks like I’m not taking your order either.”
As I turn to head back to the counter, my face burning with anger, he reaches out and snags my wrist, holding me in place.
Irritation and fear pulse inside me. “Let me go.”
“Now why are you being like that?” he croons. “I was going to be nice to you but now you’re trying to make me the jackass.”
You already were a jackass, I think but I don’t say it. The fear is louder than the wrath and it’s preaching that I take a lot of caution here. Tiny Tony is now a huge man and so are his friends. And he seems like the type to seek retribution.
So I gentle my voice and say, “Look this isn’t the time or place. I have other customers.”