Page 75 of Always Knew It Was You

My amusement dies when I sneak a look at her. She’s not finding it very funny. And this whole fiasco is my fault.

I screwed up. On so many levels.

I stare at the open road, and wonder how to fix the mess I made.

“I’m sorry,” I say even though the word feels too inadequate. I try to inject more of my sincerity into my tone. “I mean it. For how I acted with my grandfather... I… When he said what he said, I didn’t know how to react. I thought it had ruined everything. And then I did ruin everything. But at the same time, I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me, and I acted like an ass because it’s my defense mechanism and…” I sigh because this is coming out all wrong, an endless jumble of words I can’t put together right. What’s happening to me? I’m usually more eloquent than this. “Is this making any sense to you?”

“What do you want, Micah?” she says, steel-toned. “I know you don’t want to talk to me just to apologize to me, so tell me what you really want.”

Guilt slices through me. She read me accurately again. I didn’t come all the way here just for an apology even though I should have. I came because I want her back.

But now that I’m faced with the truth of what I did, I almost don’t have the guts to even ask that of her. Maybe I should let the idea of using her for the ruse die. I can’t use her if it’s going to hurt her, and putting her in my Grandfather’s path will do at least that.

“I don’t want anything,” I say instead. “Just for you to forgive me.”

“You could have done that on the phone.”

“I tried. You had me blocked.”

“Oh,” she says. She probably forgot that she did it too.

“You also sent back the money that my accountant sent you.” The man informed me on the way here that the deposit had been reversed.

She shrugs. “Well, I assumed since our deal was done, then there was no need for you to pay me anymore.”

“You thought wrong,” I say. “Even if our deal is done, you still fulfilled your part. You’re at least entitled to that money. More than that, in fact. I want you to have it.”

She doesn’t seem pleased with the concession. Instead, she eyes me suspiciously.

Why?” she asks. “Is this your way of trying to buy me back?”

“No, Carly.” She really does think lowly of me. And the worst part about it is how close she comes to being right. “This is my way of saying that the money is yours. We had a deal and you did your part. I’m the one who screwed up. So even if you take that money and tell me to get lost again, it would still be yours. I’ll accept your wishes without any problem.”

It’ll be a tough pill to swallow. I would hate to pretend-date any other woman, and also losing Carly proved painful in general.

But I’ll do it if that’s truly what she wants.

I can feel her staring at me.

“Why?” she asks again, quietly this time. “Why are you doing this?’

I should probably say something meaningful right now, something profound and charming that would win her back and make her forgive me for all my stupid mistakes. Something suave and smooth, something typical of the quintessential sweet-talker himself.

“Damned if I know,” I answer honestly instead.

She snorts and turns back to stare out the window.

We arrive at the hospital in due time, pulling in front of a white several-story concrete building with rusted iron stair railings. Carly rushes out ahead of me as I park the car, and by the time I catch up, she’s marching in through the sliding entrance doors the inner air slightly warmer than the outdoors.

Like most hospitals, there’s a septic scent in the air, the murmur of endless chatter, the consistent beeps of machines, and the occasional droning of the call system above us.

Carly’s steps are clipped and agitated, and her hand grips the strap of her bouncing tote bag slung across her shoulders. She strides down the hallway through the emergency entrance, approaching the nurse’s desk with a determined look on her face.

“Hey, Gracie,” she says to the pleasantly plump elderly woman who was in the process of reaching for something on the other side of the aisle.

Gracie smiles kindly at Carly. “Hey, Carly. Are you here for your dad?”

“I was told he was brought in.”

---