Page 113 of Always Knew It Was You

What is going on today?

“I would like to invite the two of you to a formal dinner at my estate in New York,” he says. “To start afresh.”

I think about it. On one hand, something about this feels off and a tad suspicious. On the other hand, maybe that’s just my paranoia talking. I’ve had a bad feeling all week, but some of it is because I’m scared that I’ll mess something up with Carly unintentionally.

But I would like Carly and my grandpa to get along.

Apart from my mother who I cannot contact for legal reasons, he’s the most important person in my family.

“Alright,” I say. “We’ll go to your estate in New York then. Or are you still at Lennox Hill?”

“Yes, I’m at the townhouse. We can meet there,” he says. “I look forward to it.”

After he hangs up, I stand staring at the phone for a few seconds.

Maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks after all.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

CARLY

Being pregnant isn’t the end of the world.

That’s been my mantra ever since I sat in that stupid pharmacy bathroom staring at the two lines drawn on the stick. I sat staring for a while, unable to believe what I was seeing.

How on earth could I be pregnant? It makes no sense. I religiously take the pill and only missed it once and it was the night Micah and I had sex for the first time. And the next morning, I made sure to take the–

That thought freezes in my head as horror slams into me.No, I didn’t, I realize. I was supposed to take the morning-after pill, and was on my way to the pharmacy to do it, but then I got distracted by the email from school telling me I was going to fail the class. So I never took it.

Jesus. How stupid could I be?

And now, I have to face the consequences of my own actions.

I finally have to leave the bathroom because the cashier comes to check on me, but I can’t leave the shame, confusion, and depression behind. And then somewhere on the way out, I start crying. I sit on a bench outside and cry some more, and then I cry on the bus too. People throw me odd looks, but luckily, everyone leaves me alone for the most part. I quietly weep while staring out at the city passing me by and, truly, I couldn’t tell you why I was crying. Except that, I remembered my mother’s words about how getting pregnant with me ruined her life. How she was supposed to be someone and do all these amazing things, but then she got pregnant and got shackled to my father and stuck in this town. I can’t help thinking that I’ve done the same thing to myself.

I don’t blame the baby of course. It was my own stupidity that brought this on, and I can’t believe I’ve been pregnant for so long without noticing. It’s been over a month. Was I stuck with the baby? Was there nothing I could do about my situation?

I probably need to go to urgent care to be sure. But even if I can have the abortion, I’m not sure that’ll be the easier choice either.

I manage to get myself under control before I get home. I wipe my face and even visit the downstairs lobby bathroom to wash it clean of tears and smeared makeup before I head up to see Micah.

But it’s no use. He takes one look at me and asks, “What’s wrong?” And the tears just start again. But thankfully he doesn’t grill me about it. He doesn’t do anything but sweetly hug me and order my favorite food. And somehow that makes everything worse.

The tears just continue to pour down my face and choke my throat. I just continue to feel so bad that I can’t stand it. And eventually, I fall asleep on his arm and wake up in the middle of the night snuggled into his chest.

I slowly extricate myself to stare at the roof and that’s when I start to recite it to myself.

It’s not the end of the world.

I run some calculations and find that there’s still time for me to get an abortion. And even if I can’t, for whatever reason, and I have a child, I’ll deal with it. I’m not my mother. I’m not going to turn into a bitter woman who takes out all her problems on an innocent baby. I’ll make sure that the child is loved and valued always and that they know that they’re the most precious thing in my life.

And they will be. I’ll make sure of it. I may not be the mother they deserve right now, but I’ll try my hardest. Which means getting my life in order, and getting a job so I can support them even if I have to do it on my own.

I picture it now, a little boy or little girl growing inside me. I lay my hand over my belly. It feels so surreal. Never in a million years did I think that this would be happening to me at this point. This is also not how I thought my day would end.

But it’s here now and I have to deal with it. And like I said. It’s not the end of the world.

I turn over and observe Micah’s face, relaxed in sleep, one muscular arm casually thrown over my body, the other one under his head because he gave me all the pillows. I can’t help but smile. He really is a sweet man. But I don’t know for how much longer he’s going to stick around.

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