Page 86 of Ordinary Secrets

A feeling of warmth and light fills my chest. The only word I can think of to describe it ishappiness. That’s only half of it though. There’s something else there that’s making my stomach tighten into knots of bliss and panic all at the same time.

Arella pants as she draws back. “You’re the best boyfriend ever, you know that?”

Her compliment warms and breaks me. I’m enjoying being her boyfriend. Unfortunately, this boyfriend-girlfriend thing is only temporary. In time, our relationship will come to an end. What then? Will she find a new boyfriend? Will she tell him that he’s the best, too?

What happens to me? What will I do without her? What did I ever do before Arella? Lounge around? Drink excessively? Have meaningless sex? None of that sounds appealing anymore.

The idea of Arella with someone else sounds even more unappealing. I want her to be withme. I want her best to beme.

Internally, I slap myself. Things between Arella and me can’t be like this forever. At the end of the day, she’s still an Ordinary and it’s illegal for me to be with her.

Besides, this relationship isn’t real. Arella doesn’t know that though, so of course, to her, thisisreal. To me, even though I know it’s not, itfeelsreal. Like when we hold hands and I get a sense of ease and joy. That feels real. The way she cups my face and makes the pain wash away. That feels real. How hard it is to let her go when we have our late evenings, making out against her apartment door. That feels real.

Does that mean what we have is... real? How is that possible? Maybe pretending to want her has tricked my mind into actually wanting her. Even so, that doesn’t change that my body physically yearns for her whenever we’re apart.

“Can I ask you something?” Arella asks as she slides off the bed to retrieve her clothes.

I would help, but all of a sudden, my mind feels foggy, and it’s getting hard to breathe. My thoughts are consuming me.

“Trey?”

Shit.I haven’t answered her yet. “Yeah, babe, what’s up?”

“Maybe this is something we should have established three weeks ago, but I’ve been wondering... what do you want to get out of this relationship?”

“What doyouwant to get?”

Dressed now, she blows her runny nose into a tissue as she scowls at me. “I hate when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Answer a question with a question. You do it whenever you don’t want to give someone a straight answer.”

I won’t deny that the second she asked that question, my throat closed up. My gut reaction was to ask her the same thing to avoid answering it.

I repeat her question in my head and actually think about it this time. WhatdoI want to get out of this relationship?

A month ago, my answer would have been simple: I want information about her that will explain her immunity. Now, I think I want more, but I can’t have that. We’re from two separate worlds. Worlds that coexist but aren’t meant to fully intertwine.

I stand to hug her because it’ll ease the heaviness growing in my chest. Also, I can’t take her looking into my eyes anymore.

I plant a soft kiss against her forehead. “What I want is more time with you.”

It’s the most honest answer I can give her because I’m so torn. We’re like different species of the same animal family. Like how lions and cheetahs are felines with different genetic makeups. They aren’t meant to be together, and neither are Zordinaries and Ordinaries. It’s unnatural. Except, the way Arella and I are together feels more natural than blinking. Everything from the way she fits against my body to the way she looks at me to the way she says my name.

The more I think about it, the more my feelings get jumbled up.

Feelings...something I know so much about, yet so little.

25

TREY

I didn’t intendto stay the night. I’ve never stayed the night at a woman’s place before. I’ve never wanted to. With Arella, it was too hard to leave. We tried to say bye. I even got my shoes on at one point. When we kissed at her door, somehow, my shoes came off and we ended up back in her bed. Then I just... never left. How could I when she fell asleep in my arms, looking so peaceful? It would have taken a bomb threat to move me.

My beautiful angel wakes up with a sleepy smile plastered over her face. She gives me a look that says,I’m happy you’re still here.

I am too, baby.I spent the whole night admiring how at peace she looks when she’s asleep, and I’ll happily do it again.

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