Page 68 of Ordinary Secrets

“I’ll be right back, babe,” I call over my shoulder. No reply comes.

Five guitars, a drum set, and various other instruments are scattered around the perimeter of my music room. Gently, I click the door shut. With a flick of my wrist, the curtains glide open to let some sun in. Liz loves the sunshine. Maybe it’ll help lift her mood.

I sit on my long keyboard bench, then pat the empty space next to me. Liz plants herself at my side as she slips out of her satin gloves and drops them onto the carpet. Then she dabs her face off with the bottom of her shirt. Tenderly, I pull her against me, and her head falls onto my shoulder.

“Did I interrupt something?” Liz’s voice comes out as broken as her energy feels.

“No.” I could be in the middle of getting heart surgery, and Liz would have my full permission to interrupt. Sensing her pain makes me want to hit someone. Preferably the mouth-breathing toe-licker who upset her. “What happened?”

“Rodrigo broke up with me.” Liz sniffles as her sadness rains over my head.

“Why?” I try to keep my voice steady. I need to control my emotions so she doesn’t cry any more.

“He can’t get over that I’m a Hydro and he’s a Pyro. He’s got issues with being with someone who’s got a dominant power over his.”

Having a best friend with the dominant element over mine has never bothered me. Liz has always been the stronger one in more ways than that anyway, and I admire that about her. Why can’t Rodrigo see it that way?

I’m at a loss as to what to say because I suck at pep talks. Instead, I close my eyes and think of my happy place: my little cabin out in the Colorado mountains. I imagine the flowy trees and the scenic flowers. The peace and quiet. The calm of being alone in my own head since there isn’t anyone else around for miles. Being there soothes me.

As soon as my emotions are controlled, I project them into Liz.

She immediately straightens up, breathing easier. “Whatever you’re thinking about, it’s working.”

Growing up, I used to get beat for using my mind power to make Victor feel calmer and happier—two things he never felt after Aunt Jodi left. I thought I was being helpful. Turns out, Victor didn’t want to be helped. Being able to use my gift on Liz, knowing that shewantsme to, is freeing.

“You want me to kick his ass?” I’m mostly asking to get her to smile, but if she says yes, I’ll leave right now.

“No.” She doesn’t smile.

“How ’bout I go over there and show him how dominantmyPyro power can be?”

“No.” She still gazes somberly at the floor.

“How ’bout we sit outside his place and I’ll wiggle my fingers around until all his furniture is upside down?” I motion toward a small table in the corner and theatrically circle my wrist. My songwriting notebook on top falls to the carpet as the table rotates and then drops back down with its legs sticking up.

Finally, Liz laughs and I get a sense of relief. “That’d be funny, but no.”

I pull Liz up with me as I stand. Naturally, our hands intertwine. I’m the only person in the world she can hold hands with—bare.

After Liz saw my worst memory for the first time, any time our hands touched, she saw it again: my mother getting shocked with a lightning ball, my father’s bloody face, the explosion, all of it. This went on until last November when I was at her place for Thanksgiving. As we both reached for the plates, our hands touched and she saw nothing. It’s been that way ever since, and neither of us knows how.

Liz doesn’t question it. She embraces it, holding my hand as often as possible. Like when we watch movies together or when we’re just sitting around talking. I let her. Not just for her benefit, but for mine too.

I won’t admit it out loud, but Liz makes me feel like I’m worth something. Like I’m more than just a body taking up space, breathing someone else’s air, using up other people’s precious resources. Sometimes, she even makes me feel like I have a purpose: to be the person who’ll always be there for her because nobody else is.

I just wish that was enough for me. Enough for me to feel like I actually belong in this world. For me to feel like my life isn’t pointless. To make me stop wishing I had died in that explosion too.

Liz tells me that surviving it wasn’t luck. She says that I survived because I wasmeantto, but I can’t have survived just to be her support person. There has to be something else, something more that I’m meant to do, and I think this mission is it. This is what the universe kept me around for.

“How ’bout we go out with the band after recording tomorrow?” I say, pulling Liz in for a tight hug. “You’ll forget all about what’s-his-nuts by the end of the night.”

“I’d love that.” Liz squeezes me back so hard, the air leaves my lungs. “Thanks, T. I knew coming here would help me feel better.”

She’s starting to get sappy, so I need to counteract it. “My offer to kick his ass still stands.”

Liz leans back, rolling her eyes at me. “Your fists can’t solve every problem, T. In fact, they never solveanyproblems.”

That’s not true. My fists solved Arella’s Pencil Dick problem in one night. “What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t at least offer?”

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