Page 89 of Puck You Very Much

Silence spread between them again. But it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, it was…mutual.

“Dax?” Jack said as he refilled their glasses. “I’m so damn sorry.”

Dax swallowed, and his grip on the glass tightened. “I know,” he said tightly. Because he did. He had finally understood yesterday that things hadn’t just been shitty for him and Anna, but for Jack, too.

And Jack had been alone. He had felt like his own mother didn’t love him and that he was doing something good for his siblings.

“You should have told me sooner,” he said, lowering his gaze. “Much sooner.”

Jack sighed. “I know. It’s just… We had so much taken from us growing up. We had so many opportunities stolen from us. I didn’t want to take away your good memories of Mom. I thought it would be better if you only hated me and not her, too.”

“Is that why you told the press you were an only child during your first interview as a professional athlete?” he asked harshly. “So we would hate you a little more?”

Jack swallowed audibly. “No. I wanted to protect you, Dax. You had enough shit on your plate. I didn’t want to saddle you with the media, too. It was the least I could do after I…” He took a deep breath and turned his head to Dax. “…after I let you down.”

“Apparently, not entirely of your own accord,” Dax muttered.

“Not entirely, no,” Jack replied tonelessly. “But…you know, the thing is, I’d like to say that I only left because Mom asked me to and I wanted to make the situation better for you. But that’s not true. I wanted to improve my situation, too. I thought if I didn’t get out of there, I’d be trapped forever. If I didn’t take the chance then, I’d end up stuck in the same cycle. So you have every right to be angry with me. I deserved the anger. I was a selfish prick who convinced himself that you were always the smarter one of us—except for Anna since her intellect runs circles around ours—and that you’d somehow manage.”

“Well, you were right. I managed somehow,” Dax replied calmly. “My anger with you fueled me.”

Jack laughed quietly. “I can imagine.”

“You know…I was jealous,” Dax whispered. “That you were allowed to go and I wasn’t. That I had to be the one to do the right thing. Jealous of your freedom.”

“I was jealous that you and Anna always had a special bond. That you were always a unit. And I wasn’t a part of that.”

“But you were part of our unit, Jack,” Dax said tensely. “Just because our father wasn’t your father… That didn’t make a difference.”

“Yeah, but if made a difference to me. I was an outsider, not part of you, but in your family. It sucked, okay? And your dad…”

“Temple Senior is such an ass,” Dax interrupted. “I haven’t spoken to him in years.”

Jack nodded. “I know.”

Dax inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He needed to say what needed to be said, not because it was easy for him, but because he owed Jack the sentiment. “Mom still shouldn’t have sent you away,” he whispered. “She should have protected all of us. Not only me and Anna. Even if she didn’t do a particularly good job.”

“I think she did it to protect all of us,” Jack replied thoughtfully. “She was afraid Temple would attack me and that his anger would hurt you and Anna.”

“Yes,” Dax whispered, wiping a single tear from his cheek. “Maybe.”

“I’m sorry, Dax. I can only repeat it.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t mean to reveal it that way. I didn’t want Mom… I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea, and you…”

“…never asked,” Dax finished the sentence.

“No.”

“Fuck,” Dax whispered, burying his face in his hands. “They really screwed us all up, didn’t they? Our parents.”

“Oh, I don’t know. We still managed to make something of ourselves.”

“Yeah, we became stupid hockey players. Do you know what Anna said the other day?” He had to smile despite everything. “That she could imagine being the team doctor when she’s finished with her studies. Or at least an assistant doctor. Because she had so much fun patching us up back then.”

“Oh God, no,” Jack said, grimacing. “She’s too smart and fantastic for that.”

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