Page 139 of Vita Mia

“How do I help him? I can’t let him go back to the man he was when Adara died. Neither one of us can go back to that.”

“You stop calling him Lucio. Call him Carlo.”

“I can’t; we have to protect the secret or he’ll be on trial with Giovanni.”

“No,” Rolando said. “No, I’m not saying stop pretending. I’m saying, you are his wife, his true love. And when you look at him you say another man’s name. It puts shame in him for who he was. He has to be a cowboy for you. Not Carlo. Even with you, his pink lady.”

“How did you become so smart and wise for so young?”

Rolando beamed at her with pride. “Because of Carlo. He taught me to be smart. It was a matter of survival.”

Shae hugged Rolando and felt her anxiety release.

“I’m glad that you’re my son.”

The young boy then told her stories about Renaldo and Carlo. Listening to him speak of the two men you’d think they were super heroes. She understood that he was grieving too. And she felt a pang of guilt for not seeing his pain sooner. She comforted him and laughed at his stories. Rolando eventually drifted to sleep with his head resting on her lap. And she didn’t bother to chastise him for missing school. She sat in the basement with him and let him rest.

Then she heard the door open and slam shut upstairs. Shae jumped. Rolando sat straight up.

“Stay out of sight. Let me talk to him.”

“Okay,madre,” Rolando agreed.

Shae hurried up the basement steps. She heard cabinets opening and closing in the kitchen. She sucked down a deep breath and followed the sound of him. When she walked inside the kitchen she found Carlo pulling out several bottles of vodka from his grocery bag. He opened one. He glanced up at her and didn’t speak. He poured himself a tall glass as if it were no more than water. Not since he’d returned to her had she seen him even give liquor a sideways glance. They didn’t keep it in the house. But she was no fool. He’d spent plenty of time with his poison when he left her and the kids. And it pissed her off.

“I was trying to call you,” she said.

Carlo turned up the glass and drank down the vodka in several gulps. Shae wanted to scream at him for doing it so callously in her face. But she didn’t. She kept her emotions in check. She walked over to the cabinet and got a glass. Carlo’s eyes tracked her but he didn’t move his head. His eyes were scariest when he was in this state. They were mean. Though he didn’t say anything she felt the rage rippling like a heatwave off of his skin.

She returned to him and sat at the kitchen table. She picked up the bottle and poured herself a glass. Shae didn’t drink. She hated the smell of vodka. He knew that. Carlo sat back and smirked. She took a sip and didn’t mask her disgust over the dry sample. But she took another sip, and then another, before she could force herself to drink the rest.

“What are you doing?” he asked when she finished the glass.

“Being your wife,” she replied.

He glared at her.

“Remember our wedding day? Right here in this house. Two weeks after we moved in, and a week before I introduced you to everyone as Lucio Romano. I thought to myself, everyone is here for me. It was the happiest day of my life, next to giving birth to Jewel. Our jewel. My life felt so full. I finally had a family all of my own.”

Carlo stared at her and said nothing.

Shae continued. “Didn’t think much of what it meant to you. I know you love me, and our daughter. I know you came here for us, to give us a better life. But you and Rolando came alone. No one was here for you.” She looked up at him. “You’d lost your wife. You’d lost your home. Your friends think you’re dead. You gave up what was left of your soul for me and you never complained about it. I’ve never in my life had any man sacrifice and give up so much to be with me.”

Shae had to pause. The bitter taste of vodka was drying out her throat.

“I was wrong. Not in my vows to love you forever, but in how I said them.”

“What does that mean?” he gave a sardonic chuckle.

“You are my heart. Not Lucio Romano. You. Carlo.Mio Carlo. And I should have said that in front of everyone that day. No matter what. I should have taken that risk with you. For you.”

“You don’t love that side of me,” he said.

“I do. It’s who I first met.”

“You don’t know that side of me.”

“Adara did,” Shae offered.

---