Page 125 of La Dolce Vita

"There is something more. Tell me what it is, now." Zia demanded.

"Sometimes I miss Mama. I miss her so much," Catalina said. "It's like having her die and leave me all over again."

Zia sat on the edge of the bed. She didn't say anything, just rubbed Catalina's ankle.

"Don't get me wrong, Zia. I love my life. I have everything. But when things are bad... I feel, it seems like at times I have no one. Does that make sense?"

"Life is hard, no matter what card is dealt to you. But there are more good days than bad, no?"

"Yes," Catalina agreed.

They sat in silence. Both of them staring down at Gianni. Catalina broke the silence first. "Have you ever lied to Rocco? Have you ever kept a secret from him?" Growing up in Sorrento Catalina was shielded by her aunt and mother, and spoiled by her father and brother. No one ever talked straight to her. No one but Dominic. And now she couldn't go to him with her concerns.

"Your uncle Rocco was a difficult man. Very difficult when he was younger. He was not my first love. He was my first hate."

Catalina’s eyes stretched. "What?"

Zia smiled. "My first love was a boy named Guglielmo. He and I were just seventeen. Everyone thought we would be married. He worked for Rocco, and your father. He must have been excellent at what he did because he made more money than baking bread with his father. He saved all his money for us. He wanted to propose, and then buy us our own house. We had many plans."

"What happened to him?" Catalina asked.

"My sisters told Papa that I was in love with Guglielmo. My father was very religious, and he hated the Mafia. He said they corrupted the youth. Everyone knew Guglielmo worked for the Mafia, and Father forbade me from seeing him. Said he would put me in a convent if he had to. I panicked. I heard that Guglielmo was in Carini. So, the next day I rode my bike to meet with him. I don't know; I thought we could run away together. Or he could convince my father that the Mafia wasn't bad. So I rode that bike for almost an hour, desperate to do anything to keep us together."

"And?" Catalina asked.

"I asked people in the town market where the Battaglias were. I found a boy brave enough to take me there. I didn't know I shouldn't have gone. I had no idea what the Mafia was. And that day I was somewhere I shouldn't have been. Your uncle Rocco's men found me. They brought me to him. Guglielmo found out. He said it was his fault. That he told me to meet him. He asked Rocco to punish him and send me home."

"Rocco was furious. He struck Guglielmo so hard he knocked out his front teeth."

"Rocco?"

"Yes. He had Guglielmo beaten in front of me and then taken away. He then made me have the lunch I brought with me for Guglielmo with him instead. Poured me wine, flirted with me. It was not pleasant." Zia stood up and walked over to the window. "But I was afraid of him, so I tolerated it."

"Zia? I've never heard this before."

"The next night Guglielmo came to my window. He was barely able to stand up straight. Rocco had ordered him killed. But he had escaped. He came to say goodbye. His father had a brother in America and was sending him on the next ship. It broke my heart. It was my fault. We cried and held each other, and he promised to send for me whenever he found a job and could."

Zia looked back at Catalina. "Soon after, Rocco came to see my father and told him that I had slept with him in Carini. That he wanted to do the honorable thing and make me his wife. That is how I was proposed to."

"But you hadn't!"

"No. I hadn't. No one would believe me. I didn't bother to deny it. I knew if I did it could mean trouble for my family. My father couldn't object. But he could disown me. And he did. He and my sisters both."

"That's so much like madre's story. Were Papa and his brothers monsters? Are all men monsters?"

"It was a different time. The Mafia wasn't something to inspire good. It inspired evil. And yes, I was like Eve. So we became friends. I understood her. The difference was I was married and she was labeled a whore to no fault of her own. She was a strong woman. She taught me to be strong."

"So, you don't love Uncle Rocco?" Catalina asked.

Zia smiled. "I love him with all my heart. Our love story is a different story. You asked me to tell you if I ever lied to him. If I ever kept secrets."

Catalina nodded.

"Guglielmo returned from America. Ten years later. I saw him in Florence when I was shopping with your mother. I couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe it. Your mother helped me; she covered for me so I could meet with him."

"Mama did that?" Catalina asked.

"Yes. Eve was so sweet. So, Guglielmo and I agreed to meet. One time. I was a married woman, a mother to a small sweet boy. I was in love with my husband now. My life was the best life I could ever ask for. Still, when I saw him, I don't know, I fell in love again with the memory of us."

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