Page 78 of Redeemed

He doesn’t finish. He never does because deep down, he knows it’s not what he really wants.

With a defeated sigh, Lucas rests his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry. I know I’m being an ass, I just…”

“It’s all right.” My arms come around him, and I nudge him closer until he has his face buried in my neck. “Tonight has always been a hard night. I get it.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he mumbles.

“Is that why you picked your own room instead of joining me?”

Silence.

“You don’t have to push me out, you know,” I murmur.

It won’t change anything. He always does. It’s too ingrained in his nature. Growing up, he made sure to take the brunt of his father’s abuse so Aurora wouldn’t have to suffer through it. It meant sacrificing his own childhood and the right to feel anything.

That doesn’t just go away overnight.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he repeats, more forcefully this time.

“You won’t. All we’re gonna do is sleep.”

“I’m just so angry, Xan,” he whispers. “And I’m so goddamn tired.”

“I know.” Reluctantly, I slip away, but only to close the door and get the light. “C’mon. Get into bed.”

Wordlessly, he does. Despite how much I know he wants to resist this, when I give him an order, he obeys it. So when I undress and crawl under the covers with him, he lets me slip an arm underneath him, and then he rests his head on my shoulder with a sigh.

“No matter what happens, we’ve got each other,” I remind him quietly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know. I just… I don’t know how to feel. I want to wring her neck, but at the same time, I want to hunt down whoever was chasing her tonight and gut him.”

“Same,” I mutter, staring up at the dark ceiling. “It’s like…”

It’s like a traitorous part of me still loves her.

“There’s no way I’m gonna be able to sleep,” Lucas grumbles. “I can’t relax.”

“Do you want help?”

“That’s not what I was asking.”

“I know.” Rolling onto my side, I prop myself up on my elbow. “I’m volunteering.”

“You—” He’s cut off by my lips brushing against his.

The kiss starts off gentle before turning more heated. That’s the thing about Lucas and me. All it takes is one touch, one look from me, and he turns mindlessly compliant. No one would know it by looking at us, but I could put a collar and leash on him and tell him to follow me around like a dog, and he’d do it in a heartbeat.

Still, Luc has no idea how to accept help. In his mind,he’ssupposed to be the helper, the protector, the strong one. I’m the only one who can turn off that side of him, even if it’s only temporary.

So when I slip under the covers, dragging my lips down his torso as I go, he protests.

“Xan, you don’t have to. I wasn’t trying—”

“I know.Now shut up and take what I’m going to give you, or I’ll gag you, tie you down, and force you to.”

The whimper that crosses his lips is so antithetical to the persona he hides behind for everyone but me. He’s the big, strong, confident football player who everyone assumes is dominant and rough in bed. But for me? He’s nothing more than a pathetic, whiny boy who needs me to remind him of his place.

“Figured that’s what you’d say,” I murmur as I yank his sweatpants down. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

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