Page 132 of Redeemed

Haven’s sobs quiet into gasping breaths as she stares up at me in shock. Hell, I’m surprised too, but I can’t focus on my own actions right now. I just need to get her away from Colt.

“I’m taking her upstairs,” I say to Xander as I move toward the stairs. “Don’t let him follow.”

Colton doesn’t try to stop me, although I can feel his searing glare burning into my back. Xander says something to him that I don’t catch, but I can hear the fury in his voice. He’s as pissed as I am.

In mine and Xander’s room, I set Haven on the bed. As I’m pulling the covers over her, she grabs my arm and tugs me down. I shake my head, but her eyes turn pleading, and between that and her tears, I find myself climbing in with her.

“You’re gonna be okay,” I tell her.

“I don’t think that’s true,” she whispers.

With a sigh, I wrap her up in my arms, and she curls into me like she thinks I’m safe for her. Right now, I want to be.

“Give it some time.”

“I wanted to kill him. I… I tried to kill him, but I couldn’t, and he called me a coward.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“That was pretty stupid of him.”

She sniffles and looks up at me with those sad, wide brown eyes that make me want to end everyone who’s ever harmed her. “Do you think I’m a coward for running away?”

“From the cult?”

She nods.

“Jesus, Haven. No. God—fuck, no. And Colton doesn’t either. I don’t know why he said that.”

“He said I needed him. That I needed him to force me to face my fears around sex because I can’t do it on my own.” More tears are streaming down her face, and she’s losing control of her voice.

I don’t want her to start crying again, but if she needs to, then dammit, I have to let her. I know what it’s like to be forced to hide your hurt and your pain. I can’t put that on her.

“What if he’s right?” Haven asks in between sobs. “What if I do need this? Oh god, Luc, I don’t want him to be right.”

“He’s not,” I assure her gently.

“But it worked,” she cries.

“I don’t know about that, Haven.”

“But I came. And it felt good. And—” Another heartbreaking sob. “There was a part of me that wanted it.”

I don’t really know what to say to that. It’s the last thing I expected to hear from Haven’s lips. She’s allowed to get off on whatever works for her, and I’ll never judge her for it, but she despises us.Hatesus.

“I was so scared,” she whispers. “I was afraid he’d never stop.”

“I’m sorry, Haven.”

“What if he does it again?” she asks, turning panicked. “What if he decides to keep me locked up forever and only lets me out of my cage to hurt me?”

“Xander and I wouldn’t let that happen,” I say, but I don’t think it registers in her brain.

“I’m never going to be safe,” she mutters. Her eyes are unfocused, and it doesn’t feel like she’s talking to me.

“That’s not true.”

Her eyes snap to mine, and she shakes her head. “Yes, it is. It’s all the same. I said I can’t go back, but back ishere.Back is everywhere.” She’s pushing at my chest, and she only stops when I give her space. “It’ll always be the same. Always trapped. Always scared.”

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