Page 184 of The Order

“You can’t, Forest,” Kai whispers, trying not to stir the two bodies now fast asleep on his chest.

“You need to sleep, Kai. I’m not leaving you, I promise,” I interrupt, giving my brother a faint smile. It feels so forced, but I have to try.

With a sigh and a slight adjustment, Kai finally settles. It only takes a few minutes for him to nod off, his head resting on top of Hunter’s.

“I’m serious,” Fallan pushes, his fingers gently tapping my temples. “If I focus hard enough, I can still hear what's going on in there, which means he can too. I’m sure he’d love nothing more than to keep you here, but there's no scenario in which I leave here without you.”

“Stop exerting energy. You’ll need as much as possible if we’re going to survive this,” I whisper, my lips grazing kisses each of his damaged knuckles.

He pries his hand away, his finger slipping under my chin, directing my head over my shoulder to look at him.

“Do you know what it was like when I first saw you that day Josh and Colton assaulted Jolie?”

That moment feels so long ago, but it had only been a few months since that day the day that changed everything.

“I’m assuming you couldn’t stand me. I was awful,” I say honestly, the regret of my stigmas toward his people filling my chest with a heaviness I’d felt many times.

“That’s what I wanted you to believe,” he whispers, his finger brushing a few strands of my hair behind my ears. “But no, if anything, it was nearly impossible not to reach out to you. To tell you I was the man you met at the bonfire that night. The worst part of it was that you had no clue who I was. And I was cruel to you because I was angry at Andrew for what he did to my family. I wanted revenge, and I needed ammo,” he says, my face leaning closer to his touch.

“You didn't hate me then?” I question, his mouth curling into a smile.

“I thought you were just as beautiful as that night at the fire. You were filled with the same energy that had drawn me to you the first time we met during the Expulsion Tests. I wanted to cup your face like I am now and tell you just how much my hands and mind craved feeling you close to me,” he pauses, his eyes closing with frustration. “But then one of our classmates said your last name and my one reason for coming to your sector suddenly became that much more complicated. I had become utterly enthralled with you so I could use you as ammo against Andrew when it would mean my heart breaking in the process,” Fallan says, his hand trailing farther down my side, nearly pulling me into his lap.

“Will you tell me what happened?” I question. It's a question that’s lingered in the space between us for so long.

“He was like family to my own for so long,” Fallan lets out in a shudder, my body entirely in his lap now. “He was my father's best friend... a man who wanted peace for our kind,” he whispers, his finger trailing over the outline of my mark. “We always knew there was an Untouchable woman on the other side he was close with. We knew where he went when he left the sector late at night. No one thought it was serious, so the idea that their relationship would lead to any harm didn’t cross our minds.”

“But it wasn't just something casual, was it?” I question, his mouth pulling into a smile once more.

“It never is with Blackburn women,” he admits, his hands moving beneath the hem of my tattered shirt.

“Andrew had been sleeping with your mother and, as far as I know, began diverting away from his peace talks with the Untouchables. As time went on, we began to see less of him, even more so once your mother became pregnant with Kai-”

“Every child is planned-”

“That wasn't the case for your parents,” Fallan admits with a saddened expression.

“I’d always heard of Andrew and seen the family he’d left behind, but I’d never met him. I took Mark’s face for reference and tried to piece together what he could have looked like, but as far as I knew, your father had left his people and became someone else entirely. He’d send Mark photos of you and Kai,” he says, smiling as he reflects on the memory. “There were years of no contact, my mother and father unable to piece together how Andrew had stayed safe over on the other side… we didn’t realize his loyalty had been pledged to another cause.”

“There was a night in August. It was chill, something entirely eerie in how the leaves hit the ground that day, and the air was so still. I remember my mother making soup from some local scraps she’d gotten at a good price. My father was sitting in a rocking chair, reading the paper,” Fallan says, his eyes closed, his heart rate accelerating beneath my palm. “There was no time for anyone to react once they broke down the door,” he continues, my fingertips trailing over the vague outline of his mark. “All I could see was the black of the Official uniforms. By some miracle, my mother had managed to force me behind her, doing her best to keep me concealed. They were on my father in a matter of seconds, forcing his knees to the ground. When my mother tried to get involved, one of the Officials slapped her in the face. It wasn’t until your father stopped them from touching me that I realized who was hiding behind one of the masks,” he says, his eyes flying open. “They were the same eyes I looked into that day at the tram station before we started school together. In his mind, sparing me from a beating as a child was merciful, as if what followed was justified,” Fallan says, tears swelling at his waterline.

I feel the pain as he reflects, and it’s hard for me to breathe.

“Adam was with him, barking orders at your father like a show pony. I begged him to leave us alone and promised never to expose that we knew him. In my mind, I thought maybe he’d found out about me looking into his disappearance. But that’s not what it was. Andrew exposed my father’s mark. Adam looks so satisfied at finding out what my father was,” Fallan whispers, my head shaking.

“My father wouldn't-”

“Prove his loyalty to a higher power to protect his family? Is that not what you were ready to do as well?” Fallan questions, genuine sincerity in his voice. It's not hatred he feels toward my father now. It's-

“An understanding of why he did it,” Fallan finishes out loud for me, his hands holding me tight. “Adam stood behind your father as he pulled the trigger. All we could do was watch. Looking back, I’d thought your father’s chip was why he did it. Now I know it was his own free will. At the moment, it was a choice between the family he left behind or the one he sacrificed everything to create. He chose your mother… he chose you and Kai. It's a choice I thought would fuel my hatred of him for the rest of my life. Now, his choice has become my own. My people, or the woman I love,” Fallan whispers, neither of us able to hold back our tears.

"I didn't know-” I sob, my throat burning as I try to find the right words. “I would have never-”

The warmth of his lips brushing against mine floods me with relief. The slight curve of his smile grazes across my own, our bodies nothing but a tangled mess of limbs, bruised and beaten, ignoring every wave of pain that shoots through us. His hands brace my lower back, my thighs squeezing his waist, tugging him as close to me as I can. I hungrily feed into his kiss, committing the feeling of his mouth on mine to memory. The smell of oak lingers on his skin. His perfect black curls sweep across his face, casting shadows on his strong features. Each of his scars is unique, creating an armor for a heart that is mine to keep safe.

This is Fallan.

My Fallan.

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