Page 94 of The Order

“He said it would get me a better scorecard!” I grovel, pressing my emotional sobs into my mother's chest. She looks worried, yanking something from her rolling tray as she begins pushing my hair away from my ear.

“Forest, what you just did creates a connection you cannot even begin to understand. One that will put you and that boy at risk,” she raises the Re-Regulation Device, turning the dial up all the way, quickly pairing it with my freshly inserted chip. She had taken the liberty of implanting it in our bathroom at home before I had come to the med units. I watch my younger self blink back tears, flinching away as she holds the device close to my head.

“This will only be able to make you comply for a few moments. Your brain fights the chip like no one else I've seen,” she says, reaching into her pocket and pulling out the same pill she’s had me take every day for as long as I can remember.

“As long as you take this, Forest, your chip will work as best as it can, and you can live a normal life,” she whispers, moving the pill closer to my lips.

“Momma,” I pleaded. “What’s wrong with me?” I cry out, watching tears slide down her cheeks.

“You're special, Forest,'' she says. “And they will snuff out anything special,” she finishes, forcing the pill in my mouth as she leans my head back.

I stumble backward, watching my mother force the medicine into me. I back into another body, feeling even less comforted as my reflection looks over me, stopping me from falling.

“Guess the little pill wasn't for hallucinations after all,” it says with a smile.

I grasp my head, doing my best to process everything I’ve just seen.

“My parents…. They know? They know about me; they know about Fallan-”

“All while hiding our memories and convincing us that we were crazy,” it says, taking another step toward me.

“We are not the same,” I say, watching it scoff at my statement.

“I am you. The fact you're seeing me means you finally have some clarity. A word of advice?” it says, taking another step. “Don’t put another fucking drop of New Haven’s 'medicine' into your mouth!” it says, glancing back at the doorway, patting my pocket with the hard drive.

“And get our ass to the Untouchable sector. I think there's a long-time friend there we’d both like to see.”

Chapter thirty

Forest

Ifalltotheground,my hand pulling away from the mirror and my now regular reflection. I glance around me, patting my pocket with the hard drive, feeling some tension ease once I feel it beneath my fingertips. I hear my father’s messaging systems sound off, lighting up his computer's screen with new notifications. His body begins to jolt from his position on the floor, moving with each phone vibration.

Quickly, I run my hands under his desk, finding the switch that ensured the door would remain locked during our conversation. With one more look at him, I nudge the door open, spilling into the hallway.

I hear several voices coming from the living room, my mother and Adam two of the most prevalent. I quickly sprint for my room, forcing myself into the space and heading directly to the bathroom. Without a second thought, I grasp the medicine bottles in my cabinet, dumping the pills down into the toilet, watching their colors bleed into the water.

I flush the toilet, and they go down in seconds, leaving me with two empty bottles and a year’s worth of lies.

My door creaks open, my hands already hiding the empty bottles. I brush a piece of my lighter hair behind my ear, now seeing large strands of gray that are more pronounced than before.

“It’s just me,” Xavier’s voice says, relaxing me instantly.

I pull away from the bathroom counter, watching him close my door, flipping the lock. I let out a small sigh, pressing my head to the doorframe that separates my bedroom from my private bath. He works his way over to me, glancing into the bathroom quickly before pulling his attention back to me.

“You were in there with him for a while. Your mother was pacing the whole time-”

“Do you know?” I question, abruptly cutting him off. He looks down at me, trying to read me for more context.

“Do I know what?” he questions.

I raise my hand behind his ear, ready to meet the solid metal of his chip. My heart skips a beat as I feel an absence where his chip would reside. His hand quickly reaches up, grabbing my wrist and moving me backward into my dresser. He makes sure not to let me hit it, keeping his hand braced on my lower back, only to keep me pinned with his leg. My eyes fly up to his. I feel a panic creep into my chest. Xavier’s hand reaches up, brushing behind my ear, letting his fingertips linger on the new scar there.

“I guess I’m not the only one who questioned the validity of those things being in our head,” he says, his hands on my lower back.

“Are you-”

“Tainted? Marked? No, I'm just extremely defiant when it comes to following rules. But that's not the case for you, is it?” he says, cupping my face with both hands, easing up his leg's firm position between my own. My mind goes numb, the fear of his question settling in my thoughts.

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