Page 69 of The Order

My throat feels dry, making me swallow more times than I’d like to.

Max and Rae wave to us from the bus window, motioning us to get on and join them. I still feel annoyed at Max. His excitement towards the potential of someone getting hurt earlier unnerves me. Still, I plaster on my fake smile, following my brother’s lead toward the bus. That’s Kai’s obvious way of wanting to shut down uncomfortable conversations he’d prefer to be done with.

“Now you speak to me? I thought I was cut off?”I question, using more energy than I’d expected to, but I’m paranoid, and my anger and hurt is raging through me.

“Well, you’re alone again. It's much easier to speak to you when your mind isn’t distracted by someone else’s hands all over you,”Fallan says, making my stomach flip.

“You saw-”

“Felt. I felt your pleasure, as much as I wish I didn’t,”Fallan says with a groan, only growing my list of questions.

"How is that possible?”I question, now rubbing my rolling stomach.

“Some part of you must have been thinking of me whenever you were with him. The only way this works is if you are thinking of the other person, and they are thinking of you too,”he says, sounding tired as he speaks.

“I still don’t understand. I never feel your… pleasure?”I push, nearing the steps of the tram.

“That's because I have none…. None that involves you,”he says with a sigh.“You don’t have enough energy for me to explain it like this. If I am in your mind, Forest, you want me here. Remember that,”Fallan finishes. The feeling of him dissipates from my mind.

Stumbling up the steps of the tram, I quickly snap my head to the back, half expecting to meet his blue eyes and cocky smirk. Instead, I see nothing but an empty back row of seats. Kai has already taken a seat with our friends, urging Max to stay seated instead of trying to talk to me.

Mark is too busy fidgeting with his seat to notice my sudden presence. He flinches in surprise when I squeeze his shoulder once no one is looking. We give each other our usual smiles before I pull away from the front and move myself back to my friends. I sit next to my brother, avoiding the seat that would put me close to Max. Kai picks up that I want some space from his friend, nudging me into his spot next to Rae, leaving Max no room to try and find a way over to me.

“Are you doing okay?” Rae asks, brushing off whatever feelings she’s had towards me lately.

“Was your mom able to figure out what happened?” Max says, piquing the curiosity of those around me.

“Guys, give her some time,” Kai says, raising his arm to give me the space to lean into him. I accept the gesture, letting my head land on his front, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as the tram finally begins to move. Max and Rae are impatient, watching me like they’re owed an explanation.

“It was just a seizure. That's all,” I finally say, knowing it’s not the answer either of them wanted. They continue staring, waiting for me to say more.

“That's all,” I say again, hearing the irritation consuming my tone.

The twins exchange a look before leaning back in their chair. It's a look that tells me they’ll be discussing my brother and me as soon as they're alone.

They can assume what they want. I’ve lost the desire to explain myself or reason with them. From what I’ve discovered so far about our chips, even if I were to tell them anything, I’m doubtful they’d have the capacity to accept or understand. It would destroy their reality, and I don't think they’re ready for that.

I don’t think anyone is ready for that.

Kai shakes me awake, already holding our bags, ready to leave the vehicle. He moves off the tram with the last few students, trailing behind the twins who are waiting for him outside the doors. I rub my eyes, unsure of when I’d dozed off. Mark looks at me in the rearview mirror.

I pull myself up to my feet, seeing my disorderly reflection in the closest window.

“Where are the Unfortunates?” I question once I am in his earshot. The old man takes a deep breath, looking back at the empty seats with me.

“Fallan had to stay behind to take the Academy's placement test to see if he’s still eligible to be a transfer this year. He's been reviewing that prep book nonstop, ensuring he gets all the material down. I have no idea when he sleeps between studying and running his folks' property," Mark says, reminding me once more of the enormous responsibilities his people often have, regardless of age.

“I wasn’t asking about just Fallan,” I say, watching him smile.

“Were you curious about Valerie then?” he questions, giving me a small spout of sarcasm that I rarely see.

I grin at his playfulness.

“Why would he want to stay placed over here? At least in your sector, he won't have to deal with… my people,” I say, pausing when I realize I’ve grouped myself with the Untouchables.

“You are more lost than I thought,” Mark says.

I feel confused by his wording, unsure of what he could mean or how I am supposed to interpret that.

---