Page 65 of The Order

“Stay here, and we can go back together. Let me speak to Mom first,” Kai says, squeezing my shoulder before following behind our mother’s exhausted figure. She sulks away, clearly troubled by the exchange we just shared.

I shake away the way it makes me feel, ignoring Kai’s plea for me to stay put. I begin working down the massive hallway, acknowledging none of the nurses questioning me if I know where I’m going. The bright light of the outside world is only a few feet away. Two large doors ahead will get me away from this nightmare.

As I move closer to the doors, I let my walk turn into a jog. My body fills with pain once it collides with another person in the connecting hallway toward the end of my path, right next to the double doors.

The second body grunts, gently grabbing my arms and stabilizing both of us. I ready myself to pull away like I have been to everyone lately, wanting nothing more than to strangle the next person who gets near me without asking.

“What are you doing here?” he questions gently, rubbing his finger along my sides with a comforting touch I’ve been craving all day.

Chapter twenty-one

Forest

Withonelook,Xavieralready knew where I was heading. He wasted no time guiding me out the double doors and into the large front of the medical building decorated beautifully with white daisies.

I keep in step behind him, feeling his fingers lace through mine as he guides us farther away from the doors and closer to the growth of trees clustered near the farthest corner of the garden. Dead leaves cover the ground, crunching beneath our feet with each step. I squeeze his hand tighter, feeling satisfied the minute he does it back. Xavier had let the question about my whereabouts die out the minute he saw me shift to look behind me, thinking it was best to get me alone before questioning me more.

Resting beneath the trees, coated with a few scarce leaves, I see the outline of a bench, probably meant for the staff to take their lunch breaks. Guiding us closer, Xavier pulls me down to take a seat with him. The trees keep us concealed from anyone who might question where we ran off to. I tear away the admission band around my wrist they must have put on me when I got to the med unit.

He lets his legs straddle the bench. Watching me pull my knees to my chest, his hands rub my legs, coaxing them down to a position similar to his own. We face one another dead on, letting our hands stay in each other's, silent for a few moments.

“What happened?” he questions after a few moments, bringing one hand up and brushing a stray hair away from my face with his fingers. He moves his hand to cup my cheek as his thumb moves to slowly caress the outline of my jaw. My hand moves his own onto the back of my neck, hoping to the same sensation that washed over me with Fallan’s comforting touch earlier.

But he doesn’t make any movements. His hand rests there still, but I’m disappointed when nothing more happens.

“Did you hear what happened at the school?” I question.

He nods slowly, letting his hands fall to my waist, his thumbs resting on my hip bones. I feel my skin heat beneath the touch, briefly wanting to close the space between us and straddle his lap. The struggle to understand my desire for Xavier while trying to adhere to our regulations on physical contact is torture.

“I heard there was a beating. When they didn't name who, I lost interest in what it was about," he begins, making me shift a few inches forward, pressing into his hands. “But then they said an Untouchable had a medical episode. I was already working a detail here, speaking to a few Unfortunates, when I saw them wheel a body in. And then I saw your mother,” he continues, his hands resting on my upper thighs now. He gives my legs a light squeeze, and a faint heat rises in my stomach, catching me off guard and forcing me to divert my thoughts to different places. My mind ravages the idea of him exploring the rest of my body with more than just light touches. “Had I known it was you-”

“Don't do that,” I say, pressing my finger to his lips, stopping him from placing more guilt on himself than he already has, “Don’t blame yourself for what happened. You weren’t even there,” I continue, letting my hands move away from his lips and down his face. I feel the stubble along his jawline before dropping my hand back down into his own.

“Is it true what they said your classmate did? Josh? Adam’s kid?” Xavier asks, moving his head in front of my face to stop my eye's aversion toward the bench. Each touch he gives me is gentle and comforting and I'm surprised at how much I need them now.

“They healed what he did. There's no point lingering on it,” I whisper, running my hand along my sides beneath the massive shirt. Xavier’s eyes follow my hands, watching as I wince at the memory of the deep scratches that once coated my skin.

“Is that where he hurt you?” Xavier questions, letting his hands move away from my face.

All I can do is nod, watching a flash of anger work over his expression, fading away the longer I watch him. Giving it little thought, I grab his hands, letting them come beneath my shirt to grip my sides where the wounds used to be. The heat in my stomach travels through me, growing as his warm palms work along my skin. I watch his cheeks grow crimson at the feeling of my bare skin beneath his fingers. He only allows himself to explore the area I guided him to.

“See? It's okay now,” I whisper, realizing just how little space is between us now.

Our knees touch, and his hands are holding me closer than I had initially noticed. I feel them move to my lower back, tempting me to ignore every rule I’ve had forced down my throat and give in to the urge to feel what his lips are like against my own. He leans forward and his breath touches my face, only heating my cheeks more once my hands find his front to feel his chest above his uniform. My head tingles with the threat of another episode that I have no way of controlling. The mark on my hip burns hot, almost as hot as the skin beneath his touch.

A small smirk rides along his face, only adding to the enthralling nature of his beauty. The sun kisses his golden curls as he brings his face closer to my own, our noses inches apart.

“Have you felt the touch of another before? Not hugs, not the bullshit regulated stuff they allow. I mean, genuine intimacy with another person?” Xavier questions.

He’s so close I can almost taste him in my mouth. My heart races, pumping my body with adrenaline. The sweet tune I heard during my episode returns, the keys now more recognizable, fading as quickly as they came.

“No…. Have you?” I whisper back, wanting nothing more than to close the space between us.

The sound of a few nurses conversing breaks my focus on his lips. He pauses, running his thumb over my lips, forcing me to reevaluate the reckless public display of affection happening between us. I scoot a few feet back, giving us both a moment to compose ourselves and make minor adjustments to our clothing.

The nurses walk by with little acknowledgment to us, smiling once Xavier gives them one of his own.

“I suppose a hospital garden is not the most appropriate setting for me to do what I want,” Xavier says casually, making me choke a little. It's beyond me how I was able to keep my composure.

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