Page 63 of The Order

“Josh-”

“Seal?” my mother finishes, fully aware of the boy's last name.

“That would be the one.”

She shakes her head, silently cursing under her breath between eye rubs.

“That family has no boundaries. They're like thorns in my ass I can never get rid of,” she says, speaking candidly for the first time in a long time.

“Mom, can I come in?” Kai says with a few bangs, cutting off my ability to question her disdain toward Josh’s family.

“I told your brother to wait outside because of how … overwhelming he can be,” she says, looking down at the pill in my hand, “Take that while I speak to him. I upped your milligram dosage to hopefully help the seizures and any episodes you might have because of them. There’s a cup by the sink where you can get water,” my mom says, nodding toward the sink before slipping back behind the door, giving me no time to wave to my worried brother who’s now trying to step inside the room.

The cameras loom over the space, giving anyone on the other side of the cameras a show while they wait to watch me take a medication that I haven’t had in days. It’s like each one is pointed directly at me, waiting to see what I’ll do.

The pill feels heavy in my hand. If the Officials were unsure about upping my regulations after they used my chip, they sure as hell will want to now, starting with this sudden need to increase my meds.

I want to believe my mother wouldn’t do anything to harm me. I want to think that she’d never let them influence her.

But there’s no longer room for hope that people are who they say they are.

Keeping my head down, I move toward the sink, letting the water run while I fill the small glass cup. I shake the pill in my hand, watching the slow green blink of the cameras, eerily similar to our chips once they are ready to make us do as they please. I angle myself as best I can away from prying eyes, raising the pill to my mouth quickly before downing multiple gulps of water, dragging the drug down my front, and slipping it into my pocket.

I mimic the swallowing motions, trying to look convincing before shutting off the sink. My mother and Kai argue on the other side of the door, only ending their standoff once my mother asks him to sit and wait.

Moments later, she is back in the room, looking more flustered than she was initially.

Arguing has never been her forte.

“How hard was it to keep down?” she questions, reaching her hand out to touch my face with care. Her fingers caress my cheeks, lingering on all of the features of my face most closely resembling my father’s.

“It wasn't anything I couldn't handle. You can let Kai in now, if you want,” I say, trying to gauge how little she wants him here.

She leads me back to the cot with her worn hands, placing me down on the thin mattress next to her before pulling me into a leaned position against her. I let myself sink into the touch, hearing the sounds of her strong heart as they steady my thoughts.

“Have things been okay with you? You've seemed so very distant recently,” she finally asks the actual question she’s been wanting answers to.

I know she thinks without Kai’s presence, I’ll suddenly spill everything to her like I always have.

“Why do people keep asking me that?” I question, scooting away from her, only to let my face fall into my hands. She tries to reach for me again, and once more, I brush off her touch with a shake of my arm.

“You have to admit you seem-”

“Defiant?'' I question, snapping at her more aggressively than I meant to.

“Awake, Forest. You seem more awake. It's like you’ve suddenly discovered what your emotions are and have no way of controlling them,” she admits, making it impossible to stop the snide remark from rolling off my tongue next.

“I'm sure suppressing my emotions is something our people would love nothing more than for me to do right now. Have any ideas on how they might do that?” I question, watching the look of confusion pass over her face before becoming nothing at all.

“What are you insinuating?” she questions, sounding just as concerned as she was when she spoke of the potential brain bleed I could have had earlier.

“Nothing, Mom,” I begin, no longer wanting her to press me, “I'm tired and honestly not wanting to talk about anything that happened today. There are plenty of eyes always on us,” I say, looking at the camera, “I’m sure you’ll see everything that happened today at some point and have yet another reason to wish I was more like Kai,” I finish.

Twisting my hands into my hair, I reach into my mind once more.

“Now would be a great time to say something,”I whisper silently through my thoughts. Once again, I’m met with nothing but silence.

Crazy is starting to look like an accurate label for me.

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