Page 22 of The Order

“For starters, he is not 'my Unfortunate.' I should be questioning if the same Kai I know allowed an Unfortunate to speak to him,” I say, poking his arm in an attempt to lighten his mood.

He doesn't budge. The bright light of the computer screen exposes his solemn expression. He stays silent, tapping his foot against the floor in quick patterns. My lively manner quickly dies out with the sound of our peers tapping their keyboards.

“Sometimes I question if we’re doing the right thing.”

The words leave me before I can fully process them. It is now me staring forward, letting the bright light of the computer screen swallow me whole. His head raises, looking me over.

“You know you can't say things like that-”

“But why? Why can't we empathize with people other than ourselves for a moment?” I blurt out, stopping his train of thought.

I feel my hands ball into fists, slamming hard on the desk before he can react. The table shakes beneath my touch. A bubble of anger swirls within me, clinging to every thought that enters my mind. The classroom is silent. Only a few glance back at the sudden loud noise before returning to their computers. Kai’s hands lower onto my fists, stopping their slight shake beneath his touch.

“Because they aren't people, Forest. I was only telling you about that moment with Valerie, so no one threw it back in my face,” Kai says.

It’s a useless reiteration of the same ideologies New Haven has been cramming down our throats for years. Why can't he, for once, have a thought that wasn’t decided for him? Why does everything I do feel like an astronomically unplanned fuck up, and he just works with the flow of it all? Even now, his sense of empathy died out in a matter of seconds-

“Xavier seemed fond of you,” Kai interrupts my train of thought, pulling his hands away from my own to return to his code.

“Is that seriously what you want to focus on now?” I question. He pauses, taking in a deep breath.

“If you want to do what's good for us and your Judgment Day, I suggest you drop the topic of Unfortunates and remember where our loyalties lie … you’re starting to sound more and more like Mom,” he says, as if it’s an insult to be compared to our mother.

“Because that's a bad thing?” I question, readying myself to shove away from the desk.

My hands grip the wood, stopping the push once Kai’s hand rests on my hand once more. He closes his computer screen, his chip’s blinking fading away with three small flashes. He turns his body, letting himself fully face me with a look of sorrow. I see it now. Our mother's gentle expression consumes his face.

“I never said it was a bad thing. You walk the line in ways I wish I had the courage to. I know how hard it can be to see some of the punishments. Do you know what would happen if we let them do as they pleased in our sector?” he questions, waiting for a genuine answer. His fingers press into my palm, tracing the lines in my hand.

“They would refuse to do work, stopping the flow of everything we’ve created. We can sit here and question if what we are doing is moral, or we can acknowledge the fact their sector is just as new as ours and they have their own people, just as we have ours. New Haven assured us they would receive the same resources as us, even if they were worn, and as far as we can tell by the transfers, they are clothed, cleaned, and fed,” Kai says, rubbing his hands up and down the goosebumps of my arms.

I think of Fallan’s scars. Each one is deep and calculated in where it is placed.

“But Kai, the woman from this morning-”

“Was a baker. That's why she looked so worn. Who wouldn’t look worn after cooking nonstop? I see what you’re worried about, but you don’t seem to see their people's willingness to hurt us. I know you feel it when they look at you. The hate they can fill you with is suffocating; all it takes is a simple look. Do you think hate like that is worth defending?” Kai questions.

I’m starting to think it’s not me he is trying to convince.

“Is this just about me?” I question. Kai's hands clasp around his neck, holding his head down, pressing it firmly against the desk.

“Yes. That's the only answer I can give you that will aid us both,” Kai says, keeping his head pressed against the cold desk.

I feel my hand gravitate toward his distressed figure. Like second nature, my hand lowers on his upper back, gently rubbing up and down to soothe the tension holding him together. Not often do people show emotion in public. It's considered immodest in many ways. Still, I feel his back relax into the touch, easing up with every drag of my hand.

“Don’t stop questioning, Forest. Don’t ever stop asking questions,” Kai whispers.

He raises his head, watching my hands fall back into my lap with a clasp.

“Someone has to do it for us,” Kai finishes before turning back to his monitor and continuing to work on his code.

The sound of his typing drowns out my millions of thoughts. His fingers move more rapidly, working even more precisely than he had before.

“Why would you say that?” I question, watching his eyebrows twitch. A hint of annoyance passes over his face at the exchange.

“I didn't say anything,” Kai mutters, keeping his focus on his work.

“You just-”

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