Page 19 of The Order

“I got dizzy,” I lie, pressing my hand to my head until everything is normal once more.

“Stop scaring us,” Raegan sighs, nudging my arm.

I smile at her, wrapping her into a hug as I stow away the longing to feel that fire burn through me again.

What was it?

Why did I feel it?

The heat warmed me, filling me with emotions I had not felt since I was a child. Everything all at once, only to dwindle to nothing.

It's a nothingness that follows me each day.

“Well, if you’re done scaring us all, we still have the rally in the event center. We’re all required to go,” Kai mutters, holding to his Student Advocate roots, spewing out their propaganda.

“Loyal man,” Max scoffs, slinging his arm around my shoulders. Kai only mocks the gesture with vulgar hand motions.

“Perfect, you two can keep loving on each other, and I will go with Forest,” Raegan says, pulling me away from her twin, leaving the two boys alone to cling to one another.

“Sometimes I’m convinced your brother has a thing for Max,” Raegan says jokingly, pulling me down the hallway and away from our companion's earshot. The two boys grab each other's heads, shoving each other around and into the walls. Kai’s face is red, burning hot with frustration.

“Who am I kidding? Kai is too focused on academics to notice anyone,” she finally says after a few moments of silent observation.

Oh, the irony in that statement.

The event center is the epicenter of the school, housing rows of chairs and a grand stage, all lit by the school's natural lighting provided by the beautiful glass roof. The chairs are made of black satin, each individually hand-made by a skilled sewer in the Unfortunate sector. Students already begin occupying the seats, marveling at the spacious stage.

Gaggles of Officials linger off to the sides of the room, staring down the crowd—specifically the Unfortunates grouped in the back. Fallan takes up two seats, leaning into the whispers of a blonde nearly on his lap. Her hair is up in a tight braid. I can see the judgment in her eyes as she scans the room.

Her hand rests on his leg, showing they are more than familiar with one another. I stare at the sight, annoyed at her blatant show of affection in such a public setting. Rae and Kai join the other Student Advocates toward the front. I watch as many of the Student Advocates mingle with upper leadership, clinging to their words of encouragement as if they are deities. Even Max has dispersed, joining a few of the athletes in speaking to some of the younger Officials who have occupied themselves by reminiscing about their training.

I stay away from it all, leaning against the farthest wall, doing my best to avoid speaking to anyone. Fallan’s head turns my way, stopping his scan of the room once he notices my still figure. He cocks his head at me, narrowing his hate-filled eyes before being pulled away by the chin in the hand of the beautiful blonde. Her lips land on his jaw, kissing gently in soft motions. I narrow my eyes at him, feeling that increasingly familiar burn on my mark begin to grow.

“How insufferable is all of this to you?” a voice I hardly recognize questions.

I pull my hateful gaze away from Fallan, landing on a pair of unfamiliar blue eyes looking down at me. The black material of an Official uniform clings to the man's body. Unlike all of his comrade's slicked-back hair, he keeps his blonde curls in a wild frame around his face. Where Max’s hair is styled straighter, his stays curled. Bright blue eyes and a tall figure encapsulate the man. A bit of stubble lines the man's face, something often seen as out of regulation. His uniform is less put together too. It's as if he had thrown it on without care for the pristine nature of the Official’s clothing regulations.

“Because if you asked me, all I see is a bunch of pretentious assholes all having a reason to showcase their worst traits,” the man starts, pointing to Kai and Rae's group. “Overachievers.” His finger moves toward Max. “A bunch of idiots wanting to sign their life away to be a glorified hall monitor.” And then his finger finally points to the Unfortunates. “And people who never really had a chance at winning in this life,” he finishes. I hold onto his words, frantically looking around in a panic, waiting for someone to deliver him a new one for the first remotely kind words I have heard uttered from another soul regarding Unfortunates. “And then there's you, alone in the back of an event meant to show off the students. You couldn't be any more hidden from it all, so is it as insufferable to you as it is to me?” he questions, leaving me halfway dumbfounded by his words.

“You-you just spoke about Unfortunates like-”

“Like they are humans? I won't tell if you don’t,” the man mutters, looking over his nails as if what he said is the most casual thing one could say to another.

I feel my mouth curl into a smile at his blatant lack of care toward the numerous rules he has just broken in a single conversation. He leans his head into the wall behind him, crossing his arms, waiting for me to say something.

“I think we spend a great deal of time making people feel seen when that's so far from the case,” I finally say, crossing my arms to mimic his relaxed demeanor. He smiles.

“Do you not feel seen?”

“I feel like I don’t fit in. There's a difference. Maybe it’s because I am seen too much.”

“And what's wrong with not fitting in with all of what I just pointed out to you? You want to be stuck in one of those bubbles?” he questions, smiling like a giddy first year.

“Says the Official,” I say in a tone I would never dare use with anyone else wearing that uniform.

“An Official who knows how to utilize the good parts of my job.”

“And what good parts are there?” I question, watching his eyebrows furrow as he ponders the question.

---