Page 161 of The Order

“Don’t touch me!” Kai starts, waving away both of our hands.

“Kaiden-” I begin, wanting desperately to touch him to take his fear away.

“What are you?!” Kai yells, his eyes still glazed from the alcohol he drank at the party. He shoves me away from him. Stumbling backward, I meet the ground. Tears stream down Kai’s face as Xavier wraps his arms around him.

“I heard you,” he begins, pulling his hands up to cover his face. “I heard you in here.” His fingers tap his temple.

“Calm down!” Xavier gasps, holding my brother close.

“I won't calm down! None of this is supposed to be happening!” Kai says, trying to force himself away from him. “We were supposed to graduate! You were supposed to be a painter, and I.…'' he whispers his despair. “I was supposed to help people!” he yells, his voice cracking. “And now, I have no idea who to trust.” Sniffling, he rubs his eyes with the back of his hand. “And I care more for the people in their sector than I do our own,” he mumbles, sinking to his knees. “It was going to kill you both.” His eyes are wide as his swipe toward me registers. “Oh, Forest, I didn't mean to-”

“Kaiden, it's okay,” Xavier says, moving to the ground with him.

Despite his anger toward me, he comforts Kai, watching me as I approach my brother cautiously.

Cupping my brother's face in my hands, I hang a silent apology in the space between us, hoping my expression is enough for it to register. He wraps his arms around me, his silent tears turning into mournful sobs as he buries his face in my chest. I run my hand through his curls. I look up at Xavior, blinking my own tears away. The gold that lines his irises catches my attention with our faces so close. Keeping my brother close, I lean forward, pressing my head to Xavier’s chest, letting us all embrace each other.

Keeping my grasp on Kai, I drown out the fears in his mind, taking all the pain I can away from him. His sobs begin to die down.

“I reached for him first. There were countless people around me, and I reached for him.” Kai whispers, a vivid image of Hunter popping up in my mind.

Closing my eyes, I press my lips to my brother's forehead, keeping him as close as possible.

“It's okay,” I whisper, my anger growing. “Nothing can hurt you as long as I am alive,” I mutter, Xavier’s eyes peering down at me.

He wants to say something. That same strained noise forces its way out of his mouth, his throat bobbing in a slow, sticky motion.

I watch him clench his jaw, his hand passing over his mouth.

“Damn it,” he whispers, closing his eyes.

Rising to his feet, Kai urges us back on our path, quietly apologizing to the both of us. When we make it to the front yard, we head straight to my bathroom window. Kai grabs the concealed wooden crate and climbs up towards the window ledge. Xavier’s hand stops me from joining my brother.

“My car is still here. I have to go before they call me in to investigate the damage thatthingleft behind,” he whispers, gently rubbing my wrist.

Giving Kai a look, I urge him not to wait for me, seeing him hesitate before he drops through the window into the bathroom.

Looking up at Xavier, I find him utterly broken. The skin under his eyes is darker, and the stubble along his jaw seems more pronounced. There’s a sadness that hangs over his other features, and it devastates me. I desperately want us to pull through this together.

“Why did it come after us? Why did it wantme?”

“I have no idea,” he says, clenching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, shaking his head in frustration.

He looks me over, his hand moving to touch the side of my face. I stand there, preparing for the feel of his hand on my skin, feeling every part of me scream to get away.

“Don’t listen to that!”Its presence is all of a sudden demanding, vying for attention.

“You don’t get a say!”I yell in my mind, forcing down the feeling of what It wants.

Still, I allow Xavier to go through with it. His caress is gentle, and I feel the peace it brings him. I’m not sure how long I can stomach being this close, his emotions like an afront on my body. Allowing myself to feel the few emotions I can stomach being this close to him.

“Tell me what happened between you and Fallan,” Xavier begins, his eyes watery. “Did you want it?” I know he holds on to the hope that I didn’t, that there’s something more between us, but after today, I’m not sure I will ever be able to give him that reassurance.

“I don't know what it was-”

His soft lips meet my forehead, unable and unwilling to let me finish the statement. His lips are full of sweetness and warmth, like my skin is basking in the heat of summer sun rays. For a moment, everything is still. An unfamiliar doorway opens, and that other treacherous part of me leaps through it, becoming immediately embraced by something euphoric. I feel elated, connected, or reconnected. The ecstasy that the other me feels pushes it free from my control, and her hands, my hands, tangle into Xavier’s shirt. His hand cups my lower back, pulling me closer to him. I feel my arms raised, ready to pull him down so I can taste his lips.

No.

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