Page 121 of The Order

Xavier’s finger toys with the collar of my hoodie. I look at our reflection in the mirror. The version of me with silver locks and taunting eyes meets my stare. It seems pleased, Its head cocked, watching the reflection of Xavier. It takes me a moment to digest the version of him she shows me. He’s older, more weathered, with stubble along his jawline. He looks less approachable, his eyes dark and brooding. My reflection watches over his own, something dark marking her skin in places I never noticed before. With a blink, the images are gone, replaced with the version of Xavier I’ve come to know. His gaze is held on one of the hickeys Hunter had missed with the Cure-All.

“You sure you didn't go past that fence?” Xavier says, running his thumb along the mark. I push his hand away, brushing the tender skin with my fingers, “You saw Fallan, didn’t you?” he questions, my eyes observing the love bite in the mirror.

I want to trust him. I want to try.

“I may have gone to see him,” I admit, pressing my elbows to the counter, feeling my fingers work through my hair as I lower my head. “I had to see if my father hurt him because of what happened at the house last night,” I admit, letting my back rest against the counter.

Xavier gives me a nod, taking a few steps toward me.

“I saw him as well. Although, I never touched him the way they did,” Xavier admits, digging in his pocket, holding up the necklace Fallan had taken back from me not so long ago. He holds it in the air between us, waiting for my hand to reach for it. Carefully, I take the jewelry away from him, holding it in my palm.

“Why take this from him?” I question, leaning back further as he plants his hands beside me on the sink. I’m caged between his arms, unable to move.

“I liked it better on you,” Xavier admits, motioning behind me. “It was never his to have.”

So little context behind such a significant statement.

“Take a seat on the counter. You have cuts that need cleaning,” he says, his nose grazing mine before pulling away. I don’t argue, taking a seat as his hands rummage through my medicine cabinet. Eventually, he finds a few antiseptic wipes.

“Are you angry with me?” I question, touching the soft skin of my neck. He shakes his head, lifting my hoodie, giving me no time to react as he peels it off my body. I see the scratches along my arms, but I'm unsure where they came from.

“Am I angry?” Xavier begins, holding my hip with his hand, pressing down gently on the cuts with the other. I bite my bottom lip from the sting of the antiseptic. “No,” he says, dropping his hand to my side once he’s done. He keeps his palm planted next to me and leans in closer. I can sense every part of him, feeling my heart accelerate as my head presses back into the mirror. I feel its presence as it watches me, whispering in my ear.

“I know I’m not the only one enjoying Blondie's company,”It whispers, letting me know I’m not alone in this connection with Xavier.

“You don’t need to be afraid,” Xavier whispers, gently touching the side of my face.

I pull my attention back to him, feeling him move even closer, his body towering over me.

“I’m just a jealous fool if that's what you're wondering,” he admits, his fingers brushing beneath the hem of my undershirt. I shudder against the touch, wondering at what point I lowered the walls in my mind and screamed out for him. “I want you to look at me the way I’ve seen you look at him,” Xavier continues, my eyes finally meeting his.

This close to him, I notice the speckling of gold in his blue irises, and I can’t help but be transfixed as the colors seem to swirl manically. His blonde curls hang wildly down in front of his face, and something about the way he looks at me tells me the energy between us is volcanic.

“Why do you want me, Xavier?” I question, still motionless.

“Because you're a fire,love,” he says, my heart racing. “A fire that I plan on kindling,” he finishes, my body reacting for me.

No, not my body.

That other part of me.

I feel my hands clasp around his collar, ready to pull him down and on top of me. I let out a small gasp at my own boldness, feeling his hand drag up the side of my thigh. A part of me is ready to feed into this, feeling utterly enthralled by how his fingers trace circles on my skin. I feel Its control over me growing, and I quickly work to force it back before it consumes me. My body jolts back into the mirror and away from Xavier’s lips. I feel my head hit the glass, turning instantly to face Its angered expression.

“What the hell are you doing?” I angrily question out loud, looking over its wild eyes and watching its smile grow.

"Not fond of double dipping?”It questions, pointing to a portion of my head filled with gray.

“Tik-Tok. Running out of time to battle me. You'll see how much you need me soon enough,”It whispers, my fist ready to drive into the mirror.

His hand grasps my wrist, stopping the stare-down between me and my now normal reflection.

“I expect nothing of you. You don’t need to yell at yourself because I upset you-”

“You didn't upset me, Xavier,” I whisper, feeling my sanity slip. I hurry off the counter's edge, collecting myself to try and come up with some explanation for what he saw. As long as I have a say, she won’t force me to do this with him.

But he doesn't need to know it wasn’t me giving in to him.

“Everything is just extremely confusing right now,” I clarify, grabbing his hands. I watch his head raise from its lowered position. “A lot is going on, but I’d feel much better knowing you were on my side. I’m unclear on what's happening or why I keep making so many poor decisions. Still, the one thing I know is I feel safest when I’m with you.” He smiles gently, relaxing his hands into my own. “Whatever happened between me and Fallan was a slip-up; just some twisted moment of lust,” I clarify, grabbing his face within my hands.

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