Page 62 of Men in Shorts

“Not ready to make that commitment. So are you buying anything or can we go and see the furniture seller?” He went to step past his friend, eager to end the conversation. “On second thought, you stay here and I’ll?—”

“Wait.” Liam put a hand to Fergus’s chest to stop him. “Please tell me you didn’t say no.”

“I didn’t say no.”

“Thank God.”

“I also didn’t say yes.”

“Fuck’s sake.” Liam punched Fergus’s arm. “Now John probably thinks you don’t trust him.”

Fergus rubbed the spot where Liam had hit him. “Unsafe sex isn’t a sign of trust. It’s a sign of stupidity.”

“In some cases, aye. Like if it’s a spontaneous thing in the heat of passion.” Liam’s voice rose, drawing the attention of the elderly toy seller, who brushed a wisp of slate-blue hair behind a cocked ear. “Like if one guy says, ‘Let’s do it raw. I swear I’m negative.’ It’s stupid because the other guy cannae come back with, ‘Errrm, I might not be negative,’ or ‘Errrm, I might not believeyou’renegative.’ If he does, it totally kills the mood and maybe the relationship.” Liam kept going, despite the fact the old lady was now listening intently, much to Fergus’s embarrassment. “I assume John wants to do this after youse both get tested, right?”

“Right.”

“Then what could be less stupid?” Before Fergus could answer, Liam’s eyes popped wide. “Ooh, you should go to the Club 212 sauna. They’ve got a testing center there now.”

“Club 212?” Fergus asked, hoping he’d misheard. “The bathhouse?”

“‘Bathhouse’?” Liam made a face of mock offense. “Mate, it’s a men’s health and leisure center,” he said with emphasis. “It’s a place where lads go to relax with one another in whatever way they fancy.”

Fergus could easily picture a hundred ways to “relax” amongst a few dozen naked men. None of those ways seemed very relaxing. “Have you been?”

Liam nodded. “A few times, when I could afford it. Tuesday is Pals Day, two for the price of one. I never invited you cos you were with Evan. Then you were with John. And in between, you were a miserable piece of human wreckage.”

This was true. But even if he’d been in a more sociable mood, Fergus would never have ventured into a glorified sex club. “You hook up with strangers there?”

“That’s the idea, aye,” Liam said, “but obviously you and John wouldn’t. You could make a day of it—sit in the sauna, eat lunch, have a wee dip in the Jacuzzi, get each other off in a private cabin, then have the tests. They’ve even got a sling room on the bottom floor, though I hear it’s closed for renovations just now.”

Fergus shook his head in disbelief. Only Liam would think of such an outrageous solution. A place like Club 212 wasn’t exactly a monument to monogamy.

But maybe that was the point. Maybe with a visit to a bathhouse, Fergus could prove his trust—prove that his aversion to barebacking wasn’t aboutJohn, not for a moment.

“If nothing else,” Liam said, “it’d be a good test. You can watch John in the midst of all those naked men. See if he seems disappointed to be stuck with you.”

Fergus stared at his friend. “Does it make life easier, being so cynical?”

“Well, yeah,” Liam scoffed. “That’s the whole point of cynicism.”

“Then you of all people should understand. Theoretically I believe in fidelity, that it should be the goal. What I don’t believe is that men are capable of it.”

Liam started to retort, then closed his mouth. “Fair point.” He nodded. “You’re a wise man, so you are.”

“Bollocks!” The old lady threw down her knitting, her needles clattering on the concrete floor. “He’s not wise, he’s an eejit!”

* * *

“Of course I don’t mind,”John said, following Robert round the bend of the market. “I respect a man who knows what he wants, even when it takes him forever to decide he wants it, and even if what he wants is a two-quid rubber ducky.”

They sidestepped the fleeing tobacconist without comment, then shifted farther out of the way of the pursuing police officers. Robert stopped when his toe hit a fallen five-pack box of Carltons.

John laid a gentle hand on his arm. “Gonnae no do it, mate.”

“It used to be my brand.” He looked around. “Are the polis away?”

“No, they’re right behind you, and if you pick up those smokes, you’ll be in for it.”

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