Page 157 of Men in Shorts

“Prepare yourself, lad!” Liam bowed as he beckoned Robert to enter his flat. “Prepare to be awed by art.”

“That sounds promising.” Robert stepped inside and barely caught his boyfriend’s lips in a kiss before Liam spun away and bounced into the living room.

“I know you telt me not to use words,” Liam said, “but I’m a verbal man, so I made a pictograph.” He lifted the poster board from the coffee table and held it in front of his chest. “What does it say I want most from you?”

Robert eyed the board as he removed his coat. On the left, Liam had pasted a hockey stick lying on its side, with matching footballs above and below it. Round the whole arrangement was a red circle with a line through it. On the right, a row of soldiers were arranged, all facing front, standing rigid and gazing into the near distance.

“So you want me to…not play two sports at once, but instead join the army?”

“You’re being pure literal. Think symbolically.” Liam tapped the stick and balls. “What symbol does that look like, Mister Maths Degree?”

Robert squinted at the arrangement. “A division sign?”

“Well done, you.”

“Cool.” This was even more fun than he’d thought it would be. “So you want me to divide a?—”

“Oi!” Liam rapped the red circle.

“Right, you want menotto divide something. Got it.” He stared at the soldiers, who were dressed in the pale-brown battle fatigues used in desert operations. “Is this to do with my views on troops deployment in the Middle East?”

“What? No. Wait, have you evengotviews on troops deployment?”

“Well…just the basic views.”

Liam shook his head. “As usual, you’re overthinking things. Try again.”

“All right, gonnae be patient with me. I’m not a mind reader.” Robert rubbed the back of his neck. “Maybe it’s the uniforms. Maybe you want me to…not divide…or not separate…” He blurted what he knew was the wrong answer. “You want me to dress better by matching my trousers to my shirts.”

“Rab, you’re a smarter dresser than I am. How would I have the brass neck to criticize your clothes?”

Robert sighed. “Gie’s another hint.”

Liam patted the right side of the poster. “What are these soldiers doing?”

“Going to war?”

Liam groaned. “What are they doingnow? In the picture?”

“Nothing! They’re just standing there.”

“Buthoware they standing?”

“They’re standing…straight.”Wait a minute.Robert lifted his eyes to meet Liam’s. “Is this to do with me being bisexual? I thought you were cool with that.”

“Mate, I’m cool with that. Guess again. They’re staaaaanding…aaaaaaat…”

“They’re standing at…attention?”

Liam pressed his lips together and nodded frantically.

Robert took a step back and scanned the whole of the collage. “You want…”Oh God. Liam.“You want my undivided attention.”

“Yaaaaaassss!!” Liam threw the poster board in the air and jumped forward into Robert’s arms. “That was brilliant, mate.”

Robert hugged him, feeling like his chest would cave in. How distracted had he been lately, that all Liam wanted was to be seen? “You’ve got it. All my attention.”

“All night?”

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