Page 74 of Must Love Christmas

“On the bedside table.”

“Right.” Garen picked it up, then fumbled it. It thumped to the floor an inch from Simon’s nose. “Oh my God, sorry!”

“It’s okay,” Simon said, silently thanking himself for buying a heavy-duty phone case. “I’ll make the call.”

He dialed the office and was relieved to reach his favorite physio assistant, Michael. Simon explained what had happened, then Michael put him on hold while he went to speak to Catriona, who was currently with another patient.

Meanwhile, Garen was pacing again, twisting his hands together in front of his chest. “What did they say?”

“Nothing yet.” Simon stretched his right leg and felt only a shadow of an ache. “Michael didn’t seem alarmed.”

“He’s probably faking calm so you won’t panic. That’s what these people do. They try to manage you.”

Simon wished someone would manage Garen for him. He was about to ask him to leave the room again when Michael returned to the phone.

“Simon?” he said. “Catriona will be there at eight.”

“Ah, thanks very much. What shall I do until then?”

“Is your flatmate there?”

Not entirely.“Yeah, why?”

“You can try to get up with his help, or you can wait until Catriona arrives so you’ve got two people to assist. Just let the pain be your guide, she said. In the meantime, have him make you comfortable and fetch you your morning dose of gabapentin.”

After they hung up, Simon related what Catriona had said, leaving out the part about Garen helping him up by himself. Neither of them were ready for that rodeo.

Garen slipped Simon’s pillow under his head, then draped the duvet over him before fetching his pain pills and some water. He seemed calmer now that he had specific instructions.

Finally Garen reclined on the floor behind him, resting his forearm and hand on Simon’s side. “Is this okay?”

“It’s good.” Simon relaxed at this steady touch. “You’re good for me, Garen.”

“I’m afraid I’m not.”

“Can I be the one to decide that?”

“You should be with someone who’ll put your needs first,” Garen said. “Like your mum and dad.”

Simon felt his chest tighten. “Do you want me to leave?”

“What? No!” Garen sat up. “Why would you think that?”

Simon looked at him. Had Garen not heard his own words? “You just said I should go and live with my parents.”

“I said youshoulddo that, not that I want you to. Although…” Garen looked away.

Simon held his breath, his stomach going cold.

“When we woke up and you couldn’t move,” Garen continued, “I felt paralyzed too. I’d no idea what to do. And I thought, fuck it, I can’t handle this. It’s got to end. He’s got to go.” He sniffled. “I honestly wasn’t even thinking about your welfare, not primarily. I was afraid for myself.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Proving once again that I’m incapable.”

Simon adjusted his pillow so he could look directly at Garen. “You’ve done a bang-up job since I came home.”

“And it’s been exhausting. Having to remember so much stuff, having to be constantly conscientious.” Garen spread his hands. “I’m not cut out for this sort of thing. What happened this morning proves it.”

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