Page 109 of Must Love Christmas

“That sounds simple. But it doesn’t sound like me.”

Garen was right; Simon couldn’t just wish him to be different. “We may have to agree to do our best and forgive each other when we fall short.”

“Will you?” Garen raised fearful eyes to meet his. “Forgive me, I mean.”

Simon suddenly understood. Like anyone else—though maybe more than most people—Garen needed to know he was accepted for who he was. “Yes. Even if you make the same silly mistakes again and again, I will forgive you again and again.” He stepped off the final cliff. “Because I love you.”

Garen’s entire face went slack. “What did you say?”

Simon’s breath sucked into his lungs, as though his body was trying to inhale the words he’d just spoken. “I love you, Garen.”

Garen jerked his head from side to side. “I can’t…I need to…” He leapt to his feet and headed for the door.

“Don’t walk away when you know I can’t follow. That’s not fair.”

Garen stopped. “Don’t use the fact you can’t follow to try and control me.That’snot fair.”

Simon bristled, but then realized he was guilty as charged. They had to learn to trust each other, now and moving forward. It might as well be him to start. “Go on, then, if you need space.”

* * *

Garen took a few more steps,then stopped again, his feet refusing to retreat farther.

You always do this, he told himself.You always walk away when things get hard.

“Not this time,” he whispered. Garen went to the couch and slumped down upon it, head in his hands, which still smelled of beer and gingerbread.

“I’m not the one who needs space,” he told Simon. “You are. You’ve been trying to tell me since the day we met.”

“And you’ve given it to me.”

“Not since we’ve been together. This last week I’ve hovered over you like a mother hen. I’ve made you feel powerless.” Garen curled his arms around his own waist as the full truth hit him. “I made you feel three years old.”

“No. Well, maybe. A bit. Sometimes.”

“So maybe that means I can’t…” He rubbed his palms over the knees of his jeans. “That I can’t love you the way you should be loved. Like we’re both functioning adults.”

Simon said nothing for a long moment. “But…you do love me?”

“Of course I love you. Who wouldn’t?”

“Loads of people.”

“Those people are stupid,” Garen said, “because you’re amazing. You’re too good for them, and you’re too good for me.”

There. He’d said it. Nothing had ever felt so true.

“That’s nonsense.” Simon emphasized both syllables, probably trying to convince himself. “My God, is that what all this has been about?”

“All what?”

“Looking after me. Making changes to the flat to accommodate my needs. Even this Christmas stuff. Was it all just to prove to yourself you were good enough?” When Garen couldn’t answer, Simon added, “You know you never had to prove it to me, right?”

Garen gave him the side-eye. “Really? So I was perfect when we first met, Mister Everything-in-Its-Place? You wouldn’t have changed a thing about me, Sir Cleaning-and-Disinfecting-is-a-Two-Step-Process?”

Simon looked away, shifting in his chair. “I’ve loosened up since then, haven’t I?”

“You didn’t have much choice, mate.”

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