Page 7 of Infected By Virus

As she backed out of her spot, she noticed the slew of bikes by the door. How had she not heard them pull up? Just being in Darrin’s zip code frazzled her brain.

When she glanced up once again, she noticed Santa in the window waving at her. She didn’t wave back, but he held his hand to his face in a call me gesture. Despite the situation, she found herself laughing and gave him a smile before pulling away and heading back to Harmon’s.

In a different world, if she didn’t have a past with Darrin and didn’t have Adam, she would’ve jumped at the chance to go out with a man like Santa. Harmon would’ve called him a BILR, beard I’d like to ride. It was wrong to be ogling one of Darrin’s friends, and it was hella wrong to keep Adam a secret for another minute.

Not that either one of them owed the other anything, but he would hear about his child from her—no one else. Then she’d drown the pain of seeing him again for as long as it took. After that was done, she’d pull on her big girl panties and figure out a way to live with their new reality of co-parenting a child.

The sooner it was done, the sooner she could try to pick up the pieces of her heart and duct tape them back together. Then maybe, just maybe, by the time she was ready to join AARP, she’d be healed enough to move on for real. Have an actual functional relationship that didn’t crash and burn.

The entire drive to Harmon’s house she tried to prepare herself for seeing him again after all this time. If she were honest with herself, her anger died out long ago. It was the heartbreak of it all that drove her away, and her pride that kept her away. It wasn’t fear that she’d hate him that was riding her hard now, it was fear that she wouldn’t.

The thought of seeing him and remembering their good times and not the bad is what terrified her. If she fell back into his arms and he broke her heart again, she was afraid there wasn’t enough Duct Tape and Super Glue on the planet to fix it. Being betrayed by the two people who meant the most to her really obliterated her ability to trust, even herself.

At Harmon’s, she put Adam down for a nap and sat with Harmon for a cup of coffee and a chat. She wished for something stronger, but it wouldn’t do for her to be drinking and driving. A few hours had passed, and she was still nursing a cold coffee and chatting with Harmon when Barker came over.

Barker and Harmon had been the two people who got her through the worst of the worst. They packed up her place and moved it to Vegas for her. They visited regularly and Barker had been her one attempt at a relationship since Darrin. Thank God they both realized what a colossal mistake it was and remained friends. She wouldn’t know what she’d do without either of them. Harmon was her sister and Barker was her brother—no blood needed.

Adam woke an hour ago and was currently playing video games in the living room with Barker.

It was time, she’d procrastinated long enough.

“Thanks for keeping an eye on Adam for me, Harmon.”

“Anytime and remember to give him a chance to speak this time.”

As much as she hated it, Harmon was right. He deserved to say his piece. When she’d caught him in bed with Celeste, she turned around and left. Ignoring his begging and pleading until his tactic changed.

The shots he took at her that day still haunted her, but not as much as the one she took at him in retaliation. Everyone deserved their day in court, so to speak, and she’d denied Darrin that.

She was so hurt at the time; she couldn’t speak to him. Then she deflected any attempt at contact from them both ever since. That was on her.

“What could he possibly say to make it right?” she asked Harmon in desperation rather than anger. She honestly wanted to know.

“Nothing can change the past, but making it right and getting closure are not the same thing. Besides, if he could make it right, would it make a difference to how you’ve felt this whole time? How he felt?”

“No, of course not.” Feelings once felt never changed. They can change moving forward, but not backward.

“Exactly, but it can change how you feel about him now, and in the future, if you want it to. If you guys are going to be successful at this whole parenting gig, there has to be forgiveness. Or at the very least, acceptance.”

Harmon was right, but her questions only mirrored the ones Rae had been asking herself for more than six years.

With a deep sigh, she grabbed the folder and headed for the door. “Wish me luck.” Rae veered through the living room to give Adam a goodbye kiss.

“What about me?” Barker teased and tapped his cheek. Rae rolled her eyes and kissed him there.

“Thanks for being a good friend, and teaching Adam how to play whatever game it is you're playing.”

She turned to go, and Barker grabbed her free hand. “I could be more than just a friend, Rae.”

She smiled indulgently, kind of how she did with Adam. Barker always faux flirted with her. “We tried that, Barker, it just wasn’t us. Besides, you already are more than a friend. You’re like my brother.”

Something crossed his eyes that felt … wrong. It wasn’t like his typical teasing look. Before she could name it, his expression became concerned.

“Do you want back up or moral support? I’m there for you, Rae. You know that, right?”

She nodded, but he still held her hand.

“I mean it, don’t fall for his lies again. You can’t trust him. He never deserved you.”

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