Page 20 of Trip

“It’s JJ, I told you. Jess doesn’t exist anymore.” Jess was weak and would never have challenged him or even fought back against her attacker. JJ was different.

“JJ… did Jake lie?”

And there it was.

“I thought it didn’t matter?”

Trip said nothing.

Overwhelming sadness flooded her entire being. “That’s what I thought. Trip, this was nice, but we can’t just pick up where we left off, or better yet, to the day before.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because… we just can’t.”

“I never stopped loving you. Tell me you don’t feel the same.”

Now it was her turn to remain silent.

“Tell me you don’t love me and we leave after Christmas and go our separate ways.”

“Trip, we’re not the same people as those two stupid kids. Hell, we aren’t even using the same names. Are you the same Cris who’d planned to be a lifer?”

“First, we weren’t stupid. Not when it came to us. And second,” he pressed his lips to hers, but it wasn’t like any kiss they’d ever shared. It was as if he was forcing the words he wanted to hear from her into her mouth. He didn’t move, even when he spoke.

“That’s not an answer. What was it you said? Something about being uncomfortable with the answer.” The pressure of his lips increased and then immediately disappeared. Trip took a step back and crossed his arms over his bare chest.

“So, what part are you uncomfortable with? Is it the y or the e-s? You don’t even have to answer, because no matter what words you use, it won’t change anything. You still love me, and I still love you. Hell, we both live in the same city even. There’s no reason we can’t be together.”

“Sometimes love isn’t enough. We loved each other then, and it didn’t work out, so why would now be any different?”

JJ was uncomfortable arguing naked. For one, it made it too easy to fall back into bed and that solved exactly squat. She turned to the closet and grabbed the first thing she came to.

Trip leaned against the doorframe. At least he wasn’t vibrating with emotion anymore.

“Because we’re different. We didn’t know dick about shit back then. We’ve grown.”

Now, he was being willfully obstinate.

Crossing her arms over her chest, she invaded his personal space.

“Really? And how would you know I’ve grown? You didn’t even know I lived less than ten miles from you or that I did a shoot at your club-owned garage. Hell, I met most of your brothers, and Taps gave me a rubber chicken thing and Pound told me if I’m ever in trouble, I have the Phantoms at my back. But you knew none of that. So sure we’ve grown, but not together, Cris. You have to see that.”

“I see that, but it doesn’t change how I feel or how you feel. There’s something to be said for getting to know each other all over again.” His fingers trailing lightly up and down her arm caused a shiver to roll through her body.

Voicing her fears was never easy, but she had to try if they stood any chance at all.

“But how can you be sure what you feel isn’t just the remnants of what you felt once upon a time? What if we get back to Vegas and blend our lives only to discover that what we feel isn’t what we thought, instead we were influenced by fond memories of first love? What then? Because I can’t go through losing you again. I barely survived the first time.”

That was as raw and honest as she could be without telling every detail. She left out the night Meri had caught her with pills and alcohol and she’d almost ended her own life accidentally, trying to dull the ache.

Trip didn’t need that guilt, and she damn sure didn’t want a man to stay in a relationship that was better ended because he was afraid she’d do something stupid.

“Because.” Trip engulfed her face in his hands. The fingers met at the nape of her neck and almost dug into the tender flesh, while his thumbs caressed just below her eyes. “I only thought I felt this way back then. What I felt when I laid eyes on you the other day. I’d never felt that before in my life.”

His lips crushed hers.

They ended up back in bed. JJ couldn’t think of a better way to spend Christmas Eve.

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