Page 47 of Control Line

Chapter Seventeen

Barney was going to be sporting the EDFD tank for an eternity with all the favors he was cashing in. Sadly, he didn’t give a shit about it. His attention was permanently diverted from his wardrobe issue.

It was a minor thing to stress over. Who cared what he was wearing or not wearing? In the grand scheme of things, it just didn’t matter. That was a hard lesson he was being taught over and over again.Maybe I wouldn’t have it on repeat if it stuck the first time.

Couch surfing when off duty didn’t appeal to him, even less so now that he’d had Zee right there. Even when they weren’t together, having her just feet away separated by a few doors soothed him. But he didn’t deserve comfort, not after the things he’d said.

Hell, letting her rail against him didn’t even the score. He wished she’d punched him like she’d threatened. It would’ve served him right.

Another hard lesson hit him hard as fuck; the whole ‘you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’ and all that.

Everyone in his life knew what had happened, or at least what they’d thought happened. He was in no hurry to correct them on the details. There was no denying he was the bad guy in the scenario. All anyone needed to know was he’d done her wrong, period. Unless Zee wanted to share more, those was all the details that would be for public consumption.

With the way their pasts were snarled together, even his part of the story belonged to her. It was hers to share or not. The only thing he’d said was as far as Zee was concerned, he was one hundred percent wrong. As for his current situation, it should be resolved soon.

Anything else they needed or wanted to know they could get from her. He wouldn’t put it out there in the street.

Needless to say, his captain was pissed, his friends were pissed, his fellow firefighters were pissed, the Malones were uber pissed. . .even he was pissed. They all had a common target—him.

Firefighters and cops in Sunnyville gossiped worse than high school girls, which manifested multiple times throughout his day.

When Emerson saw him, she’d walked up to him and smacked him across the cheek, pretty damn hard at that, and walked away. Not a word. It was like he didn’t deserve her attention, only her anger. She wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t the smack that stung him, it was the look she gave him. One of utter disappointment that matched her husband’s.

The elder Malone masked his disgust a little better, but it was there. Boiling under the surface, threatening to spill over and through the man’s fists. Even though his words were fatherly, his tone and body language were not. Zee had won them over and if they were to choose, their choice was clear. Barney had fallen so far in their estimation.

As hard of a pill as it was to swallow, he was grateful, too. Zee had a family, one she’d always wanted. And that family would look out for her against anyone.

Zee was the absolute best thing ever to happen to him, and he was sitting there in his truck at the firehouse wondering where it had all gone wrong. Well, not the moment, hell, that was burned into his mind. He meant with him as a human being. When had he become the kind of monster who would look into the eyes of the woman he loved and say those things?

He’d had a good childhood. No abuse, loving parents, great friends. College had been more of the same, but with an asterisk now. But until he’d spied that urn, he looked back on those years fondly, too. After college, he’d returned and was accepted like he’d never left. So, what was his deal?

It had been three days since he’d seen her. Days since he’d stabbed her in the back and twisted the knife. Barney couldn’t even look at himself in the mirror. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see her, every cell in his body wanted just that. He just didn’t know how.

A knock to the passenger’s window snapped his head up. He saw the last person—maybe next to last—he expected to see. Emerson. Not waiting for an invitation, she tried the door.Damn, why didn’t I lock it?

Being trapped in the cab with the equivalent of a feral honey badger he couldn’t and wouldn’t defend against was not his idea of a fun time.

“Emerson, I can’t do this with you right now. I deserve to have my ass kicked again, but can we do it later? I just—"

She sat and closed the door before answering. “I’m sorry about the other day. Being physical is not the answer and I. . .was wrong.”

“No, you weren’t, you—”

“Damn right I wasn’t, but that’s beside the point. I wanted to talk, just talk. Besides, I could never hit a man who’s crying.”

Denial was on the tip of his tongue, but he realized she was right, there were tears. Barney was utterly defeated.

“What am I going to do? I can’t take back what happened. It was ugly, Emerson. I was ugly.”

“Oh, don’t I know it!” Her laugh wasn’t one of humor.

“She told you?”

“Every syllable.” Barney wasn’t mad about it. He was happy she had someone to talk to. “She loves you, Barn. So, yeah, the words hurt, a lot, but it’s nothing that can’t be repaired as long as you try. But trading duty and staying away? That’s hurting her even more and shit will never get better that way. That’s not how relationships work.”

“I love her, too.” It wasn’t an answer, just a breathed confession more to himself than Emerson.

“Man, you really do suck at this whole relationship thing, don’t you? You don’t tell the best friend of your love before you tell the object.”

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