Page 38 of Control Line

Chapter Fourteen

What the fuck did I do?

He told her he loved her. They’d known each other weeks,weeks. Weeks as in barely with the s on the end. His life was a shit show, she was still dealing with her ex, and he’d decided their situation wasn’t complicated enough.

Thank God she hadn’t heard his declaration. What kind of fool would she take him for if she had?

Although, the look in her eyes when he feigned indifference was worse than anything he could imagine, but he’d panicked. When she’d struggled to get away from him after he made love to her, it burned, bad.

Winslow William Barnes lll had never made love to a woman in his life. He fucked, had sex, did the deed, bumped uglies, whatever it could be called, except love. So even though she had missed his whispered words, she couldn’t miss what they’d done.

He was at his most vulnerable and she couldn’t get him off of her fast enough. It wasn’t him who dismissed her so callously, it was his bruised ego and dented heart in control.

It was insanity for him to expect her to have those kinds of feelings for him so soon. Hell, he didn’t understand how he did. Maybe it was because she had gotten closer to him than anyone ever bothered to. Zee knew things about him no one else did. Fuck, he knew her, too.

That truth was just as disturbing if not more so. Because he never wanted to know a woman better. He didn’t treat women like they were disposable, but he never made promises, either. He was always up front with what was and wasn’t on the table. If that was a deal breaker to them, then it was no skin off his nose.

But right now? His nose was flayed down to the cartilage.

Letting his anger rule was second nature to him. It was easier to deal with than all the other emotions out there, so he let it grab hold and take over.

Barney wasn’t comfortable with all the emotions she brought out in him. That’s not entirely true. He was okay with them at the moment when he thought she returned them, but at the first hint that she didn’t, he went into lock down.

Hiding away anything other than anger, Barney went about his day. All he had to do was waste some time today. He was eating at the Malones tonight, so avoiding her would be easy.

That’s how he found himself heading to Wings Out. He never had the desire to jump before, but deep down, he wanted to connect with Zee. The way she talked about jumping, he decided it was a perfect opportunity. However, when he pulled up and saw her car, he reversed and left.

Barney needed to feel a connection, but he wasn’t ready for a face to face.

It was ironic how he’d bartered and traded to get a buddy to patrol the camp area last minute so he could stay in bed with Zee as long as she was willing. Turns out, wasn’t that long at all.

That favor he traded while cooking breakfast had cost him a fortune in traded hours. While the pancakes were on the griddle, it’d seemed worth the almost triple in return. Even the erectile dysfunction workout wear seemed doable.

Now, not so much.

Instead of being in bed with Zee, he had the day off with nothing to do to take his mind off her. Not to mention he would sport the hideous blue EDFD tank at the station gym until the next fireman asked for a favor covering shifts.

Barney drove aimlessly for what felt like hours. He stopped for a light lunch but didn’t remember what he’d eaten or how it tasted. After which, he wandered around the grocery store, but only grabbed three non-perishable items. Barney could damn well use a workout, but damn it, he’d have to rock the EDFD.

“God, if you have any mercy on me whatsoever, please let someone need a favor and fast.” Barney pulled into the station and used the back entrance. He weaved through to where they had the weights and machines. It wasn’t a lot, but it wasn’t too shabby, either.

It had been his plan to hit the gym down the road, but after the favor, he’d appear to be chicken if he did that. Instead, he swallowed his pride and went to the station to work out.

And there it was, hanging on the wall, mocking him. After tossing his duffle, he pulled the blue EDFD shirt over his head. At least the asshole washed it for him. Barney had to admit, that was more than he would’ve done. Not only would he have left it ripe, but he would also be there with a social media live feed.

His brothers were better men than he was. Luckily for him, he completed his entire workout without a single soul bothering him. He shucked the tank and shoved it in his bag. He had a bit of time to waste, but he could just take some extra time to get cleaned up before dinner with the Malones.

Zee still wasn’t home when he arrived back at the cabins. A mindless day gave him time to stew and then to think.

He spent the morning cloaked in anger; the afternoon, more reflective. Barney owed Zee a major apology. He should never have treated her that way simply because he couldn’t handle his own feelings like an adult.

The look in her eyes still burned like a motherfucker, but who was he to judge. If he’d learned anything from being what his buddies called a man ho, it was you can’t force someone to have feelings for you. Many had tried and failed.

Barney had no right to be angry at her just because she didn’t feel for him what he felt for her. It also didn’t mean they couldn’t keep doing what they were doing if she was good with it.

Thoughts of her consumed him as he showered and dressed. They continued to plague him on the drive over to the Malones. The most disturbing of all the thoughts was why. Sure, he wanted to be as close to her as possible. More than he wanted his next breath, but that wasn’t the driving force.

Barney wanted Zee to be happy and confident and heal from her past. If he could help her do that, he would. Remembering her shy confidence had his dick swelling in his jeans. Adjusting them so the zipper lost some bite, he realized how she’d blossomed and opened up. A different woman dropped her clothes and looked to him for approval than the woman who cried his name all night.

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