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Her chest ached for the loss of something that wasn’t even hers yet. They were casual. He should’ve never made love to her like that. The damn infuriating man made it impossible to keep her heart in check.Damn him to hell.

He slipped from her body but didn’t move. Her skin pebbled at the intensity with which he stared into her eyes. No, through them. Looking straight into where her soul should be. But it was no longer there. Nope, the man drained it from her via his cock and he now held it in his hand along with her bruised heart.

Zee had to run. It was too much for her. She couldn’t think and that was what she needed to do more than ever. Think.

Gently, she shoved at his shoulders.

“Sorry,” he murmured as he dropped her leg and rolled away.

She stood on shaky knees, wishing her clothes were there instead of in the bathroom. She could see them on the tile, mocking her. So close, yet so far away. Before she could make her excuse of going for a run and jet, Barney practically dismissed her.

“I’m sure you’ve got some big plans for your day off.”

He might as well have said thanks for the fuck. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.

It hurt beyond reason that he didn’t want her to stay even if she was planning on bolting already. Now she wished she’d dismissed him so she could at least have a little dignity.

On the plus side, the walk of shame was a short one.

“Yep.” She wanted to say she was going up to spread Billy’s ashes and invite him for moral support since he said he would be there. She wanted to tell him that after that, she was going for a jump and having dinner with the Malones. Instead, she said none of it. He didn’t deserve to know her whereabouts and she damn sure wouldn’t ask him about his.

She slipped into the bathroom before either of them could make it worse. As she turned on the shower to wash away what she was realizing was a mistake of epic proportions, she heard him lock the door from his side.

That was very telling as he had never locked it from his side in the whole time she’d lived there. Showering brought the waterworks, and she let them come. She cried for everything over the last decade of her life. She cried for Billy, his affairs, his children, the soldiers and friends she’d lost, what Barney had lost, and what he threw away.

Her.

But did he really? He made no promises to her. If she should be mad at anyone, it was herself. He was acting the way she expected of him. From the second he stormed over to her door demanding her man move the truck, she knew he was a player. He practically bragged about it. Nope, this was on her.

Suck it up, Kessel.

She would say that to herself more often than not from now on.

As she dried her body and tears, she said a silentthank youto Barney. While she’d gotten butthurt—her fault—she’d gained a whole hell of a lot from their friendship.

Zee was in a much better place than she had been. The guilt? She’d let it go. Why? Because of Barney. She had a new level of acceptance and peace with what had happened. She’d even said goodbye to her past. Only a few steps left, and the weight would be gone. She owed him for that.

And they were friends, damn it. So what, they slept together and she’d fallen hard for him. Zee was an adult and would keep her wayward feelings in check because she couldn’t lose him as a friend.

Dressed for a run, she grabbed the box from the hall closet and pulled the urn free. It was the first time she’d ever removed it from the box.

She’d expected Carrie to come forward for his cremains, but she didn’t. Instead, Zee had kept them and would let Billy go once and for all.

It was smaller and lighter than she expected. It wouldn’t weigh her down—in more ways than one—on the way up. She heard Barney’s truck take off like a bat out of hell. Instead of breathing a sigh of relief, it tightened the vise around her chest.

That was a worry for tonight. Once she had time to think about it all and assess the situation, she’d have more clarity.

She would be mature about it and let him know she expected nothing and regretted nothing. They could continue on as friends, and she would put no pressure on him or assign emotions to what happened.

Years in the Army had taught her to school herself when the situation called for it, and this one did. She would cry when she needed to and cope when she couldn’t, but she wouldn’t let him know that.

Cool, calm, and casual was how she would play it. He would be relieved and comfortable again and that’s what mattered. Everything else she could handle in private.

Her day was packed between her run, her jump, and dinner with the Malones. Maybe she’d stop and pick up dessert for him and see if he wanted to chill after dinner. Just like good old times.

Suck it up, Kessel.

The run up the trail was fairly serene. She’d even left her earbuds at home. She really didn’t want a particular song associated with this moment. Standing overlooking the small valley, she felt a measure of peace.

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