Page 13 of Control Line

Chapter Five

Oh my God, oh my God. What in the actual fuck did I just do? I’m a perv.I just watched my hot firefighter neighbor jack off in the shower.

Not only had Zee never watched a man stroke his own cock, she’d never thought she’d want to play target for it, but that was the exact thought that wouldn’t leave her mind while watching Barney take himself in hand.

Falling onto her back on the bed, she covered her face with the pillow and screamed. How could she violate his privacy like that? That it was that exact thought that turned her on even more annoyed the piss out of her.

How pervy is that?It was like he felt her eyes, but that didn’t justify her skeevy behavior. He didn’t know she was there. She’d intruded on a private moment. Should she tell him?

Could she even bring herself to tell him? Zee wasn’t a prude, regardless of the zero kelvin callsign she got stuck with. However, her sex life with Billy was. . .fine. They both got off and got pleasure from it, so why did she suddenly feel like she’d been missing out?

Because, dumbass, you were more intimate with a stranger, watching him through a partially opened door than when you had another man’s face between your legs.

It was her voice in her head spitting truth. “Yeah, but did you have to be so bitchy about it to me?”

Zee rolled over face down into the pillow and screamed again, but this time she added tantrum fists and feet. It was somewhat therapeutic to throw a little fit.

What was she going to do? How could she look Barney in the eye ever again and not replay—in hi-def and slow-mo—his shower spank session? His thick cock with four, yes four, silver beads around the head. When he turned, she noticed another at the base of his cock, one that looked like it would hit her clit just right as he powered into her. “Oh, God.”

She was doomed, she couldn’t even think about it without flooding her pants.

I just need to take the edge off.She got up and snaggedReburnfrom the dining room. It was one of her favorites, she’d never look at pecan pie the same way again. She knew exactly what page to turn to.

No way was she breaking out Ragnar. The possibility that he could hear the buzz through the bathroom had her opting for just her fingers. Besides, after seeing Barney’s cock with all the bells and whistles, silicone would never be the same.

Before settling in, she threw a shirt over Norman’s cage. “You do not need to see this.”

As she read the words she’d read at least ten times before, she let the image of Barney take over the role of male lead in the scene. Instead of seeing him in the shower, she pictured him hovering above her, his knees pressing her thighs outward.

The finger circling her clit changed pace, on par with the image in her mind. Barney gliding the head of his cock with all four silver balls up and down her most sensitive area. She was already riding the edge as her finger slipped effortlessly along her body.

Glancing at the bathroom door to ensure it remained closed, she released the book and violently grabbed her breast. Digging her nails in added the extra sensation needed to push her over that edge.

“Fuck,” she ground out as her legs shook. She kept going, knowing how to touch herself to spark the second jolt she knew she could find. “Double fuck,” she shouted louder than she wanted as she plunged her fingers deep. She couldn’t remove her hand just yet, she had a few more seconds and she was going to ride them out.

This wasn’t something she’d ever experienced with a partner, even when she would walk them through how to do it. Hell, she was with Billy for years, even tried to draw him a diagram, yet he couldn’t be bothered to make the effort. After her initial orgasm, no one had the staying power or desire to piggyback it.

After enough rejections to her efforts, she didn’t have the heart to tell her partners that the first one wasn’t really the big show, it was more of an appetizer.

But even so, she had a healthy sex life, one that was moderately satisfying but not spectacular. Tears came unbidden, and she curled into her pillow and let grief take hold.

There was so much to cry about, but now she’d added even more to the pile. What did it say about her that the best sex she’d ever had was with herself after watching a virtual stranger masturbate?

The guilt was strong. Not just for watching Barney but for being so disloyal to Billy’s memory.

You don’t owe him anything. He was never loyal to you.Snarky Zee was back in her head again. It wasn’t like Snarky Zee was wrong, she wasn’t, but regular Zee had yet to accept anything negative about Billy. It was so easy to be pissed off at a person no matter the distance when they were alive, but not so much once they pass.

It was ingrained not to think or speak ill of the dead, so Zee buried all her anger and pretended her relationship had been perfect. So much so, she believed the lies she clung to. If it wasn’t for Snarky Zee speaking up a lot more so recently, her delusion would be in place instead of fracturing and letting the truth creep in.

It was true, she needed to let go, but letting go is hard, even when it’s for the best.

“Why is it so hard to be honest with myself?” She posed her question to an empty room, but she swore a whispered,because lies just taste better, answered her.

Sitting up and clutching the pillow to her chest, she scanned the room.Empty. The bathroom door was still shut, and no light shone through around the door, but she sensed a shadow shifting just on the other side of the door. “Barney?”

When he didn’t answer, she wasn’t expecting the disappointment that washed over her. Maybe because she thought he deserved to see her in the same vulnerable position she’d witnessed him in. Tit for tat would ease her guilt a little on that front. But that wasn’t the only reason.

She hated being alone with this grief and anger. It was exhausting. It had ruled her life for months and she absolutely hated it. Guilt had landed her right in this exact location. Sure, she still wanted to follow through with her dream of opening an outdoor adventure experience, but she would’ve never chosen Sunnyville.

---