Page 38 of Unmistakably Us

Shaming herself was her choice to make, but not if that shame seeped over to Gus. Her sister had made a clean getaway, or so she thought. The Thornes used what leverage they would have had over Gus to their advantage with January; they couldn’t have it both ways. If they exposed Gus’ secrets, then January would be free and Gus would be devastated. As long as January was a good daughter, then Gus never had to relive losing her child or being shamed her whole life for being bipolar.

January had thought Gus might be able to handle all that since she had such a strong family now but could they handle the secretive nature of it all? Would they look at her the same when they found out she never shared those things with them before now, especially John?

They couldn’t possibly understand the influence her parents exerted on their daughters to keep their secrets. People outside of their family just could never comprehend the control they had instilled in them, the brain washing. They would simply see it as mistrust on Gus’ part for not telling them before now.

The look of betrayal coalesced in her mind as if it were etched on her sister’s beautiful face for real. It would be a final fuck you from her parents to ruin the daughter who got away. Nope, not going to happen. I will protect Gus’ secret. If and when she wants to share their family secrets with the Reids, it would be only Gus’ choice.

This way, Gus never had to know the shallow well of Melody and Thomas’ love for their own children. Gus had always defended them, to an extent, excusing their behavior to January as misguided love or maybe as a result of the twisted parenting examples they both came from. “They’re doing the best they can.” “They don’t know any better.” “It’s all out of love, sweetie. They just love us so much and they don’t know how to show it.” These were the things Gus told her growing up. Thank God, she stopped that shit now or I might have just showed her everything myself. Now Gus’ approach was more “their actions are bad and we need to move on.”

Just once, January would love to see Gus express her anger over their DNA donors. Really say what she thought of them. It was there, lurking in her eyes. January witnessed it more often than not whenever the subject came up. But ever reserved and diplomatic Gus wouldn’t be so bold as to just shout “fuck them. Fuck them so hard they never come unfucked.”

That actually lifted January’s darkening mood a bit, the thought of Gus f-bombing about the Thornes. As Stacy seemed fond of saying, “You have your therapy; I have mine. Never underestimate the cathartic power of the word fuck.”

A little fantasy world crept into her resigned brain. A world where Melody revealed all to Gus, but instead of being crushed by the revelation, a very Stacy-esque Gus arose. One who told Melody to get well and truly fucked and stay fucked until the mountains crumbled to dust. Gus would be free, really free…and so would January.

But that was just a fantasy for her. Maybe those types of things worked out for the Reids, but as much as she dreamt of being a Reid, she would always be a Thorne.

No, she was stuck. For ten long, loveless years, she’d be stuck. Sadly, she’d still be a Thorne, just a hyphenated one—Thorne-Rodgers. That wasn’t a bad price to pay to save her sister from having to live with the truth of the Thornes exposed to all. Gus deserved everything good in life, and January wouldn’t selfishly take that from her. Not when it is within my power to keep my sister from any more pain.

* * *

Logan stareddown at his phone, not believing what he was texting to January. He had laid claim to her, right there in black and white. While it felt nice to expose that new-found part of himself, it was scary as fuck too.

Especially since he knew she had planned on bolting back home soon. After talking to Walker, Dax, and Frank, he had hope. Hope she might be convinced to hang around for a while and see where things led. Who am I kidding, I already know where I want them to lead.

Between the both of them, he was sure they could swing a respectable apartment close to the beach. That is, if I still have a job after I reveal myself to my brother and John doesn’t castrate me on Michael’s behalf. Actually, he was more worried about Stacy on that front. She was protective of Michael, and Logan had seen her heels that had hidden blades. That chick truly scared him.

Even if Michael wanted nothing to do with him, he would bear the shame and stick around for January. She deserved to have the Reids and her sister in her life. Besides, they had trained him well; he could get another job and make rent and whatnot. Plus, he had no problem with January stripping as long as she came home to him.

He wasn’t thrilled about her shaking her perfect body for other men, but he would never make her feel less than in his eyes. Ever. Nor would he control her. He would suggest she move up to a classier establishment for safety reasons, but he wouldn’t tell her to quit. Logan knew first-hand how important her independence was to her. He saw it in her eyes every single time she mentioned home and her parents.

It never blazed more than when she mounted Demon or talked about what a fine piece of machinery he was. Maybe that independence would win out over dancing, but if not, he’d accept it. He would accept January any way he could have her.

Accept her the way she deserves, the way everyone deserves. The way I never was. Until now. The Reids had accepted him, most of them, anyway.

To control January would be to crush that part of her that was light to his dark, silk to his leather, calm to his chaos.

Frank had told him that no one was irredeemable. As long as they were breathing, they were worthy. Logan begged to differ with that as he dwelled on those words. To snuff out that essence in January would be a truly unforgivable act. The man who did that would be well and truly irredeemable.

As much as Logan had felt irredeemable all his many years, for once, he finally didn’t harbor that particular demon, and he’d be damned if he’d invite it back.

That thought took him aback. That was the first he realized he didn’t feel that way and it was…liberating. It may have been Frank’s words that set the realization in his mind, but the exorcism was all January.

True to his nature, instead of going on some existential journey of self-exploration, thoughts of January and exorcisms brought to mind Domino’s sexy little—and yes, borderline sacrilegious—nun outfit. Damn, my girl is so fucking hot, I will spend my life with third degree burns, but I am just fine with that.

Logan made his way toward January’s place. He parked down the road and hoofed it the rest of the way. He didn’t want to draw anyone else’s attention. If he did, he would be forced to come clean, and he wasn’t ready for that yet. He wanted to talk to January first, among other things. He also didn’t want to put a cloud of tension over the barbecue tomorrow.

If there was one thing the Reid family took seriously, it was their barbecues. That, and betting.

Logan wasn’t one to have a plan. As a rule, he would use a fly by the seat of your pants approach, but he made an exception.

Tonight, after he fucked his woman the way she deserved, he’d explain everything that had happened to him. Logan owed it to her, almost more than he did Michael. Since he had dropped the secret on her with no explanation, no finesse. He needed her to understand his initial motivation, why he was the way he was and all the unbearable details of his life, not just the highlights.

As hard as it was to swallow, he’d even share the unflattering thoughts he’d harbored toward his brother. Then, he’d ask her to be there for him when he had to tell Michael and Tori, and beyond. He tucked his hand in his pocket and stroked the ring and the folded piece of paper pushed next to it.

Both objects lightened his heart. With the clarity the men helped him find, it all seemed so unmistakable—him being a part of a real family and especially a relationship with January.

A chuckle escaped him. If he paid attention, he would have seen this coming a fucking mile away, but as it was, he was so focused on the nots, he never looked at the inevitable. The first time his eyes locked on hers, he knew, no matter how he tried to tell himself otherwise. Oh, it worked for a while—he believed his own bullshit, but obviously, certain members of the Reid family never did.

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