Page 20 of Inevitably Yours

At the mention of John, Gus’ stomach bottomed out. The nachos sat like lead down there, and her throat was so dry, she couldn’t swallow another bite.

“There wasn’t that one big moment, I don’t think. I remember when he and Stacy started coming around after Tori got back from Tennessee, he was so closed off, he barely said two words to anyone other than his sister or Michael and Tori. It was like he only came around because Michael wanted him and Stacy around. They were all so wrapped up in Michael and Tori’s drama with the trial and all that crap with Michael’s pseudo-brother. John was just a handsome guy that was around because he seemed obligated to be. I was intrigued but nothing more.”

“Okay, fast-forward a little bit.”

“Well, when all that mess was settled, he was…different. At least with me. Still somewhat guarded, but it was like he didn’t always want to be. We had occasional moments that felt completely genuine, where he let his guard down.” Gus savored those moments.

“I started seeing more than just a guy who had walled himself off. I started seeing a guy who had to wall himself off. I would see that look in his eyes that told me he had feelings, sharp feelings. The kind I had witnessed in him with his sister and with Michael and Tori. Once he settled and started getting close to us, he seemed happy and content, but for some reason, he slowly began closing himself back off. It’s as if he would punish himself for being happy. The only people he never seemed to push away were those three.”

“That’s so sad,” January cried.

“Yes, and it’s that sadness that slowly sucked me in. The night with Skynyrd, I saw glimpses of him when he wasn’t guarding and it was somehow even more sad, but also beautiful. Sad because I was able to watch the punishment phase slowly shutter over the beauty. I think it was as I watched Stacy and Dax’s relationship develop, or rather watched John reacting to it, that I was a goner. The conflict he seemed to struggle with pulled at my heart. It was obvious he was thrilled for his sister, but I could see him want to reach for something like that in his life, yet hold himself back.” Gus remembered catching him look at her like he wanted her to be what he reached for. Then, she watched him pull back. There was a moment, after all.

“It was the pull backs. Those were the moments. That longing in him spoke to me in a way I can’t explain. I wanted to see him get what he wanted. I wanted to be the one to give it to him. One time in particular, we were at the Reid’s, and Tori and Erika were finally done with matchmaking. I was playing with Willow and John looked at me like it was the last time he might ever see me. Like he was trying to etch my face into his memory. The heat in his eyes was scorching, and it felt like he wanted me above all others. Just a look told me all that. Then, like a bank vault, I watched as he locked down. I could practically hear him scolding himself. All I wanted was to protect him from him. That was the moment.”

“Wow, Gus, that was…damn.” Jan sniffed and pawed at her face.

“Well, there have been at least two hundred more of those moments, and each time he has pulled back, I reeled him deeper into my heart. Sounds like an epic love story, except it’s one-sided.” Gus took a deep breath. She couldn’t bear to dive into how she came to love him much more than she already had right now.

“On to the summary and the latest, long story short. I am ninety-nine percent sure he is my soul mate, while he has some things that are holding him back from even giving it a chance. I don’t think he loves me…yet, but I do think he cares deeply for me and is stopping himself from possibly loving me for his own reasons.” Gus rose and took her plate to the sink and returned to the table. Jan had stopped eating and was focused intently on hearing every word.

“I cannot fight an enemy I can’t see or even identify, and I don’t know if I would want to if I could. John is all old-world charm and honor. So, I plan to move forward with my life, including socially. Let him see he didn’t break me. That way, he can move on guilt free, and we can all live happily ever after.”

The last was totally bull crap, and Gus knew it, but she believed he could live happily ever after if he was satisfied she’d moved on. She would give him that, and with time, she would find an adequate life with someone else if John never came around.

“Really, sis? You’re just going to snap your fingers and be done, just like that? Date a few randos, have a baby for your friends, find a nice, boring man who doesn’t even wet your undies, and settle down?” Jan had stood and adopted a superior air—hands on her hips, eyebrow raised, and a look of “I call bullshit” on her face.

“Yes, millions of people live a perfectly satisfying life after losing their heart or breaking it or whatever.” What started out with righteous indignation devolved into a flustered panic, but Gus recovered. “Besides, we never even…you know…it wasn’t like we were in a relationship. According to Erika’s chart, I will have no trouble snapping out of this, whatever it was.” Ending with her arms crossed and an adolescence humph was probably the wrong vibe to sell her statement.

“Satisfying? Sounds exciting.” The sarcasm was so strong, it caught Gus by surprise, but she didn’t take the bait.

Hands up in surrender, Jan spoke words that would come back to haunt Gus, “Okay sis, you win. A wonderful satisfying life is waiting for you, exactly as our parents always intended for the both of us. You should be proud of yourself, you’re a true Thorne, after all. Not letting emotions override common sense by putting your head in the driver’s seat and your heart in the back.” Jan hugged her tight, then slid her hands down Gus’ arms and caught her hands as she pulled away. “Mom would be so proud of you.”

With that, Jan stared into Gus’ eyes, and she backed away before turning to head down the hall. There was sadness and pity there. Jan’s eyes seemed to burn a hole straight to Gus’ heart. Her words stung, but it was the look that haunted her most.

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