Page 9 of Irrevocably Mine

“Fuck! I should’ve left ten minutes ago,” Stacy grumbled to the toaster as she snatched the hot bagel from the top. Haphazardly, she slapped cream cheese on it, and then stuck it in her mouth. Shoving one arm through her suit jacket, while simultaneously grabbing her briefcase and making a mad dash to the door, her mind wandered for the billionth time, back to the reason she was late.

Dax.

Last night and early this morning were rather amazing. So much so, she was unusually tardy for court. Or she might not be, if the traffic gods favored her and every light was green and the right lane open.

Dax, she thought again.

He was everything she expected and nothing she thought she wanted or could have. Actually, want wasn’t the issue. Of course, she wanted a loving and caring man, a man who not only accepted every aspect of her but reveled in them, in her. One who poured her a glass of wine and rubbed her feet after a long day and who was secure enough in whohewas as a man to understand she was a strong woman and didn’t need a hero to save the day, but could still enjoy the rescue once in awhile.

In her world, she had to be kind of a cold-hearted bitch to make it. She was swimming with sharks on the daily and they would see chum in the water if you were anything less as a woman. Some of the assholes even made jokes about bleeders in the water—bleeders being women and the water being the courtroom. Stacy knew not to let that shit get to her, or at least, not to let them know it could. It took years, but she finally got to a place where she could slip that mask off and on at will, and it wasn’t just in appearance. When she was in the zone, she was a heartless bitch and she was fan-fucking-tastic at her job.

She had earned the respect of her colleagues through her hard work and dedication, especially through her advocacy of male victims of sexual assault. Professional men didn’t admit it aloud, but it carried weight with them. They admired her, and she’d had the world by the balls, until she put her trust in the wrong man.

The darkness of the past descended on her like a swarm of locusts, chipping away the warm fuzzies she was feeling about Dax. And just like that, the Dax voice that whispered dreamily through her head was replaced with Hank’s grating across her brain like nails on a chalkboard. He had destroyed so much with what would be considered a small-time crime by most. But what people didn’t understand was everything that surrounded his little B & E and assault. She had been in love, or at least skipping down the path toward it. He practically lived at her house—had a toothbrush and a drawer. That’s a pretty big deal in a woman’s world. Then, everything started to unravel.

At first, it was little things, ones Stacy wrote off as paranoia. After all, she was suspicious by nature.Comes with passing the bar. What made her madder than hell, was for some ungodly reason, when she looked back at those times, before she knew the depth of his deception, she did so a little fondly.How fucked up is that?Knowing everything now, she still saw some good times.Certifiable.She’d thought Hank was perfect, at the time. He was sweet, romantic, and didn’t mind her mildly aggressive nature in the bedroom, but also indulged in her more submissive and conventional fantasies…in the beginning. Attentive was the word she was looking for.

And his arrival was kismet. It was a time in her life when she really needed someone to lean on. It was her first real relationship, AC, after cancer, and she was embroiled in a case that had blown up to epic proportions and taken on a life of its own.

And with all that shit going on, Hank was just, there. At the time, it had seemed like a chance meeting at a coffee truck in the middle of winter. Looking back now, she should have known it wasn’t a chance meeting. He had bumped into her and become so befuddled, and she spilled her coffee but got lost in his smile. He was everything that was missing in her life, and before he showed his true colors, she was even thinking the M word.

That pretty much set the tone for the rest of the relationship—Hank always had a motive, and she always missed the clues.So obvious now.Things out of place, or just not quite right. Nights when she’d reach for him but he wasn’t there, yet she was too groggy to get up and find him. An almost obsessive level of curiosity about her case, so on and so on. Lucky for her, the case was moving swiftly and it caused him to take further action.

Lucky is not the word I would use about any of that shit, actually.

The biggest betrayal of all, no one knew but her and Hank. She never mentioned it in court, nor to anyone. Hell, she never mentioned to Hank that she even knew, but she did, and it changed so much more about her than even all the other bullshit.

A knock on her driver’s side window nearly had her wetting her fucking skirt, but ripped her from her little trip down Fucked-Up-Memory Lane, which usually preceded her descent into a place that sent her straight to Jose and a guy named who the fuck cares.

The face looming in the glass was a friendly one, so she pulled up her big girl undies, grabbed her stuff, and opened the door. “Hi Gus, you scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry, but I was crossing the street when I saw you park, and when I crossed back, you were still sitting here, so I was worried. Is everything okay?” The look of concern was so genuine, Stacy was almost tempted to spill…almost. Stacy wasn’t a “girl time” kind of woman. She didn’t do late night ice cream binges while sharing secrets. No crying and calling for the head of some asshole who did her wrong. She was most certainly not a member of the Uterine Solidarity Club. That was not Stacy. Never had been and never would be.

“Of course, buttercup, I’m peachy.”Well, that came off a little more snarky than I intended.“Sorry, running late today, so, my bitchy side is in full glory, you know how it is? You’re having a bad day so you intend to go twenty-five percent, max. A nice respectable, but with an edge, mild bitch level, but then some asshole pulls out in front of you in a tractor in a no passing zone, and before you know it, you’ve done went full bitch. And believe me, you never want to go full bitch before nine a.m.”

The laugh they shared felt good. That was her intention, to cut some of the tension from the other day and by her own snippy tongue. Maybe one day, she could just dip a toe in the Uterine Solidarity Club pool, just to test it out. “So, what brings you down to the county courthouse without your resident legal counsel?”

“Andy? He and Marco are across the street already. We were just up here filing some paperwork. We popped over for coffee. Well, they did, I am relegated to tea. Nice boring, decaffeinated tea.” She rubbed her belly lovingly as she faux complained. “I left my phone in one of the boxes by the metal detector, so… Sometimes, I swear I’d lose my head if it weren’t attached. This pregnancy has turned me from mildly forgetful to full-on flake.” Gus’s attention turned from her barely-there belly back to Stacy. “I see what you mean about late. Did you eat in the car or just crumble your toast on your top?”

A delicate hand reached out and brushed the bagel crumbs off Stacy, which she was grateful for. Her hands were full and she wouldn’t have passed a mirror before appearing in front of a judge with the remnants of her breakfast.

“Thanks for the save. That would have been embarrassing. Look, I’m late and gotta run, but if you’re free later, I‘d really like to have a chat, if you’re up for it?” Unidentified emotions crossed Gus’s face and left something painful and sad in their wake.

“That’s kinda the second reason I wanted to check on you. I think a chat is in order and I need your advice on something, so, um, yeah, that’d be awesome if we could get together.”

Stepping away, Stacy firmed up their plans. “Okay, how does seven, your place, sound? I’ll bring you your tofu vegan pizza and a full-on heart attack one for me.” At Gus’s nod, she continued down the walk, and up the steps before turning back. “By the way, breakfast was a bagel, not toast, buttercup. Oh, and this advice you’re in need of, if it’s legal, I’m not cheap, but I’ll give you the friends and family discount.” With a wink and a lighter heart, she turned to face the door.

Maybe this whole being normal thing could be for her. A hot man, loyal friends, and sense of belonging.Yep, maybe it could be.

She spared a quick look at Gus crossing the street, and as her head swiveled back to the door, she caught the reflection of a figure on the opposite corner that transmuted her spinal fluid to ice crystals.

Hank.

Blinking and shaking her head, she refocused, but the man was gone. Convincing herself there was no fucking way, Stacy took a deep breath and entered the courthouse. Bypassing the metal detector via the private entrance, as usual, she greeted the all-too-familiar uniformed security guard, Fred, with their typical morning salutation.

Wakingup without Stacy after last night was bittersweet. He’d awakened long enough to say goodbye, jerk off, and watch her leave, before returning to dreamland. He lay there wondering how content he’d feel to simply roll over and kiss her awake on her sleep-warmed cheek every morning. The thought of exploring her mouth to start the day was naturally where his mind would’ve gone if she had remained in his bed. That, and more. But something told him she would turn away. Probably with a squeal and a, “Ew, no. Dragon breath.” Funny how even his thoughts had adjusted to what he felt she’d want instead of his natural inclination of kissing her or waxing his beard first thing in the morning. “Man, I’m a goner,” he screamed to the empty room and chuckled.

Of course, for it to play out his way, he’d have to get her to stay for more than a fuck, or five. He wanted Stacy in every corner of his life and he had to be honest with himself, he wouldn’t settle for half of her. He would play along for a while in an effort to win her over to the idea of more, but if his progress stalled, he’d have to throw in the towel. Not that he was the type to give up, but he wouldn’t be just her fuck buddy, not for long, anyway. Granted, she had promised more than one night, but it was still just sex for her.

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