Page 69 of Luca

“You with me, sweetheart?” he said, his voice piecing me back together.

“Mm-hmm,” I mumbled, my tongue managing to fumble over a simple hum, not yet able to form proper words. I was totally wrecked.

But in the best way.

He brushed my hair back from my eyes, the damp strands sticking to my forehead. “It wasn’t my intention to neglect your needs, sweetheart,” he uttered, the words tinged with apology. “I just don’t want to lose control. Ican’t.”

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks, clarity smacking me sideways, and I felt a twinge of guilt well up in my chest, dampening my glow.

Cair had suffered immeasurably watching me die and come back to life. Losing and regaining a mate in one fell swoop had flipped his entire system upside down. Of course he was hesitant. He wasn’t just scared to let his instinct take over in case he hurt me, he was downright traumatized, and there I was moving on too quickly and asking for sex because I was a selfish asshole and I’dyet againlet self-consciousness rule me.

I was the fucking worst.

“’M sorry if I pushed you. I wasn’t?—”

“Shhh, you didn’t.” He tenderly kissed my eyelids one at a time. “Never feel guilty for having needs, my heart, or for asking me to fulfill them. I shouldn’t have distanced myself, but I could not think of another way to calm my instincts. Be assured that my wavering was not because I don’t desire to be with you in every single way. Believe me,I do, but I also need more time to regulate. All I ask is for a little patience before I take you completely.”

“I’ll wait as long as you need. I only thought…” I lowered my eyes to the water, cutting off the dumb worries spinning around in my head.

“Talk to me.”

“I don’t know, I thought maybe you didn’t feel the same as before. That what happened put you off me, and I guess that worry took root and made me a little too desperate for affection. I didn’t even consider your feelings, or that you’d obviously need more time, ’cause once I entertained the possibility that you might’ve realized I’m not what you want anymore, I couldn’t let it go.” I released a self-deprecating laugh. “Sounds awful when I say it out loud. Stupid too.” Never had I wanted so badly to scoop out my brain and give it a shake.

Cair cupped my cheeks in his hands, demanding my attention as he gazed at me as if he was holding his entire world. “You are everything to me, do you understand?” he said, tears gathering in his dark eyes, his voice cracking. “You are the air that I breathe, the blood in my heart, and the spark in my soul. I cannot live without you beside me, Luca, and nothing—not one single element on this earth or beyond—will ever make that any less so.”

I blinked up at him, my vision blurry and the smile on my face shaking at the edges. Whatever insecure thought had been spiraling in my head vanished into the ether. I should never have doubted him, even for a second.

What was it I’d once said about us overcoming every hurdle together?

“How do you keep making me fall more in love with you?”

Cair’s lips curved softly, and this time, when he leaned in to kiss me, slow and deep, there was no barrier in the way. No uncertainty. No distance. We were justus. Two people, joined in heart, body, and soul.

Following the path to exactly how we were before.

LUCA

Ipropped my arms on the wooden fence enclosing the paddock, scanning the farm, a wistful smile on my lips. I had spent the last twenty minutes attempting to bribe my dad’s horse, Prima Donna, into liking me. She wasn’t exactly an unfriendly creature, just wary of strangers and, as her name suggested, very temperamental, but I wouldn’t back down from a challenge.

I’d convinced Tee to be my friend, so I had high hopes.

I had stood at the stall door with a sugar cube in my hand, coaxing her in hushed tones and not taking her huffs or glaring side-eyes to heart. She had a sweet tooth, and like me, couldn’t resist treats for long, so they eventually did the trick. I’d given her chin scratches, and she hadn’t bitten my hand off, so I called that progress. However, I’d probably ruined it all by getting distracted. The view from the stables was enthralling, and I hadn’t managed to move myself from this spot for an hour.

I had no desire to.

It was peaceful, secluded, and simple, and it wasn’t hard to imagine a life out here. In truth, I’d thought about it a lot since I’d been given the all clear to get up and walk around. I had visions of Cair tending to our vegetable patch, complaining about the dirt under his fingernails while I planted herbs and laughed at his grumbling. The two of us huddled together, watching the sunset from our back garden every night, a blanket wrapped around our shoulders and maybe even sex under the stars. The natural backdrop, the sense of purpose, the privacy, it all greatly appealed to me, and without sounding philosophical, having died and been reborn here—the literal hamlet from my dreams—felt like a little bit more than coincidence.

I’d left Cair in bed, sleeping soundly for the first time since we’d left the capital—maybe even before that, if I was being honest. Normally, he would rise before I did, or he’d stir as soon as my eyes blinked open, he was just so in tune with my body and so unwilling to miss a single second of me being awake. In this instance, though, all the exhaustion and distress had caught up to him, but thankfully, putting a pause on the war had given him the chance to take advantage of every moment we had to spare. He’d still grumbled unintelligibly when I’d first attempted to sneak out, his arms curling instinctively around me to try and coax me back to him, but I couldn’t oblige. I’d needed the fresh air, so I’d kissed him on the forehead, promising I would be safe if he went back to sleep, and surprisingly, he’d listened without much protest.

Or his body had.

We had slept together every night since our heartfelt connection in the bathtub barely a week ago, often sleeping in until much later in the mornings than we were used to back at the palace. Cair needed it as much as I did: the restandthe closeness. He’d spent much of our journey here being concerned for me. Comforting me through nightmares, searching tirelessly for the reaper’s master, and even once the worst had blown over, he’d been so wired that he couldn’t relax long enough to drift off.

His head was a whirlwind, and I understood that feeling. He was filled with unresolved rage, his instincts were fighting against him, and thoughts of me lying dead were still clear in his mind. Every time he had come near me, he felt a fire ignite in his gut, even more so whenever I’d matched the energy. At first he’d tempered the flames, gritting his teeth and bearing them for my sake, offering what innocent affections he could muster, but as the days passed, it had become harder and harder for him to resist. He hadn’t wanted to risk delaying my healing, so instead of seeking any comfort with me, he’d left the room once I was deep in sleep and sat by the fire in the living room, thinking. Stewing.

I felt fucking awful that it had taken so long for me to notice his suffering. The bags under his eyes, the weariness in his frame, the irrationality. I’d automatically jumped on the self-conscious train, instead of realizing he was just too stressed to be fully present, but I knew he didn’t hold it against me. I didn’t know if that perception made me feel worse or better, but either way, we were both heading in the right direction, and that was what mattered.

I knew now that it wasn’t because of me that he couldn’t yet be thoroughly intimate, and in turn, actually being aware thatall he needed was patience had taken the pressure off. It had allowed him the chance to figure out that detaching himself made everything worse, and that sleeping with me in his arms was enough to soothe his primal urges and quiet the loudest noises in his head. He could think clearly again, see the benefits of letting himself recover, and with each day, it felt like everything was slowly returning to normal.

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