Page 36 of Raising the Sun

For all the good it did.

Hopeless.

Incompetent.

Embarrass—

Long, familiar fingers curled around my nape and squeezed, guiding me back to the surface before I sank too far. I forced myself to blink, fixing my expression into something less sullen before looking up at Ash, stunned to see an almost worried look in his eyes. He studied me. I had no idea what for, and even less idea how long I’d zoned out, but once he seemed content that I was fine, a charming grin slipped onto his face as easily as a mask, and the air around me seemed to lighten.

“Oh, he’ll do more than take part,” he said, his voice full of pride and conviction. “He will make it right to the very end. I have every confidence.”

Mum perked up beside me, and the fact that she hadn’t removed her hand from mine or let her smile waver an inch told me just how quick Ash had acted. Or… had he frozen time?

“Good!” Mum said, enthusiastic. “Keep thinking like that. I believe in you, Iz.”

What?

“What?”

“I… believe in you,” she said again, her brow creasing.

“You do?”

It was the first time in years that she’d said those words out loud. Since my first hurdle, I’d been hearing that I should give up, that quitting and moving on was my best option. I’d never been given the alternatives—the encouragement, the optimism—and after so long, it had settled on me like dead weight. Brick by brick, each negative word had nestled its way inside my head and made a home there.

It wasn’t her fault. Instead of being an adult andtalking, I’d shut myself away, hoping it would quiet the cynical echo, but not only had it made her more desperate to ‘help,’ it had shown me that being alone was somehow ten times louder.

Yet another vicious cycle of my own making.

It was as if the same realisation dawned on her at that moment. Her demeanour softened, and her eyes filled with regret.

“Oh, love. Of course I do.” She dragged me into her arms, rubbing soothing circles over my back. I melted into it. “I’m so proud of you, Iz. Always. I just… I thought the reason you distanced yourself was because you felt under pressure to do well, and didn’t want us to see otherwise. I only meant to take that weight off your shoulders, to make it clear that we love you no matter what. I never intended for you to think we didn’t believe in you. Not at all. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I said,and itwas.

There was a difference between knowing something and hearing it said aloud, and sometimes only the latter could validate the truth. Hearing that my family wasn’t against me, that they were on my side and rooting for me was like a painkiller—instant relief.

It wasn’t a permanent fix. Of course it wasn’t. Only the changes I made myself could reverse the damage that had been done, but that simple ‘I believe in you’ was a start. It reshelved the swarm of self-doubt, let me think clearly again and see more than just a future laden with disaster and defeat.

Everything will be okay.

Mum drew back, her hand coming up to cradle my cheek. “You silly goose.” She laughed kindly. “All I want is for you to be happy, baby, but I know you have to find it your own way, at your own pace. Your father and I are here whenever you need us, though I’m certain that you and Ash have it all handled.”

It was as if a magnet pulled my gaze up to Ash once more. His focus was already on me, his eyes pinning me to the spot like it was an instinct to always have me in his sights. The way he could strip my soul bare with those eyes and lay my thoughts out on a silver platter for his consumption used to set my teeth on edge, but now, it was the opposite. He was no longer a source of caution and mystery for me, he was resolution and excitement, an influence that surpassed all others and gave my life back the spark it had been missing for far too long.

Did that make him the devil on my shoulder? Possibly.

Did I give one iota of a fuck? Don’t tell my mother, but…

Absolutely not.

Every part of me and my life that he had access to, he’d been given willingly, and that realisation probably should have scared me a lot more than it did.

A throat cleared off to the side, and with a start, I followed the sound. Mum was smiling at us knowingly. “We’ll let you two get on,” she said in that perceptive way of hers.

No wonder she and the bloody demon got on.

She rose with anoof, giving her dress a quick smooth down before rounding on me and pointing. “Dinner tomorrow night. No excuses.” Her finger moved to Ash. “Both of you.”

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