Page 22 of Mr. Big Stuff

“How?” She practically screamed her question which had eyes darting in our direction. But we didn’t care. This was girlfriend talk and we were getting our toes rubbed and painted on atLeann’s Nails.

“It just is.” I looked away.

“Uh huh. Well Ms. It’s Different, you need to be careful. I know this is just a temp job and you can get yourself any job in the world; you don’t want him pushing you out before you’re ready to leave.”

Carina was now looking at a pile of nail color palettes and didn’t see the worry that had me chewing my lip. She was right. Raymond could do whatever he wanted without care to how it impacted me and what Carina didn’t know or realize was that I didn’t seem to be able to get any job I wanted. Prosperity seemed to run away from me faster than some men ran away from commitment. I didn’t have the heart to tell my friend that I didn’t have it together the way she thought. Matter of fact, this habit we had fallen into of meeting up once a month and grabbing lunch downtown on her break and getting a pedicure too, was breaking my pockets. Savings was gone and I only had the income from my job that she just pointed out was in jeopardy because I had started whispering his name as he nailed me to any hard surface. I deserved whatever was coming to me.

“What’s wrong, Tracey?”

I found Carina watching me with a quizzical expression.

“Nothing, girl. I was just thinking of how I’ll be buried in work all week.”

“You keep this up, you’ll only be buried beneath your boss with nothing to show for it.”

Anger built inside of me.

“You know, Carina, I realize I judged Salik unfairly and warned you off him, but when you were determined to move forward anyway, I supported you and it paid off. You have the man of your dreams, and your life is perfect. I’m trying, no Iamliving my life on my terms. Doing what makes me happy and that’s required me taking risks. I would think you’d hope it paid off for me too instead of judging me, Carina.”

Carina watched me with a shocked expression that turned apologetic when I didn’t budge.

Her eyes softened. “I’m truly sorry, Tracey. It’s not fair of me to be so hard on you. If you are in love, I pray he returns it back to you. He’d be a fool not to. You’re such a beautiful and intelligent person with a heart of gold.”

“That’s all I hear. How intelligent I am. It wasn’t so intelligent when I quit my job over hurt feelings.”

I’d said too much and realized it when she leaned forward. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing, forget about it.”

“No, spill it. Or I’ll tell Mary to mess up your polish.” Mary who’d been pretending not to listen while she scrubbed my feet, smiled. Mmmmhmmmn.

“Oh all right. But you have to promise not to judge me.”

She mimed zipping her lips and remained silent while I told her what drove me away from KIB.

“I had no idea. And I feel terrible that I had anything to do with it. All this time I thought it was just stress.”

“Well the stress became stress because of me being in my feelings but let’s get this straight, Carina. It wasn’t you. It was me. I needed to be more grateful and stop worrying about what I don’t have.”

She nodded. “We all do it though. Compare our lives. Or I should say it happens. I had to train myself not to do it. Besides, Salik and I aren’t perfect. Trust me, he is still wonderful, just perfect for me, mind you. But living together sometimes stresses us out because I’m a homebody and that man likes to be everywhere. Sometimes I just want him home with me.”

“What will you do?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. But I think I have to learn to let go a bit and see if he learns to hold on a bit more.”

I nodded while overcome with a feeling of peace. It wasn’t long ago that I was almost gleeful at the prospect of them having problems. And now I wanted to see them thrive. It wasn’t just because of whatever was going on with Raymond either. It was what was going on with me. I had contacted The Agency to let them know they can contact me with other assignments better suited to my qualifications. I wasn’t quite ready to leave but I wanted to be prepared to leave if I felt Raymond’s company would stifle me. It’s not that being his assistant was beneath me, it just didn’t always allow me to feel free to be myself. To use my brain the way I loved doing.

“Letting go of what we think is the best thing for us, helps us to grow. Because life’s giving us new experiences to add to what’s best for us. So I think you’re on the right path with Salik.”

“Yeah. And maybe you’re on the right path with Mr. McCullough. Let go and see. That’s the only way to know, Tracey.”

Chapter15

Raymond

The morning of June seventeenth twenty twenty-three, I woke up beside Tracey like many mornings before; only difference was we were somewhere different. We decided to stay in the hotel we used to reserve blocks for our out-of-town guests, that way we’d be on hand when questions and concerns came our way. We also arranged for The Wright Way Transportation, a black business I helped get started, to be on site to take vendors, artists, and musicians to the site and back whenever they sent a text. Dionne Wright, ever grateful for my advice three years ago, offered to do it at no cost but with Khalil Berry’s blank check, I wanted to make sure everyone ate so I paid her the fee she would have charged anyone else who hired her.

This was probably the grandest Mr. Black event I’d thrown. The Gala and auction and the bingo night were great, and spectacular, don’t get me wrong but this one had something the others didn’t. Maybe it was the heavy capital we were working with, or maybe it was just how many people were involved. Or maybe it was because of her being by my side helping me expand my vision. It was probably that. Either way, I was excited and anxious to make sure everything turned out perfectly.

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