Page 96 of Our Secret to Keep

This is not happening.

After dreaming about Nate for years, he finally wants me. I can’t ignore how my pulse pounds whenever he enters a room. He has an instant effect on me and knows it.

Nate uses my desire against me.

So when he calls, I keep running and let it go to voicemail. I don’t want to talk about how his confession changed our friendship. We can’t take back what we said or the fact we almost kissed. I pulled away because kissing was too personal. My heart won’t recover if I allow him to touch me like that until he’s sure about us.

I could lose him over sex, and it’s just not worth it. The thought of him fucking a woman turns my stomach because it will happen eventually. Even if he allowed himself to be with me, Nate would not be satisfied. He loves having sex with women.

I will never be enough.

On the south side of campus, I stop running and sit on a bench when my phone rings, cutting off the music blasting through my earbuds. I expect it to be Nate, but it’s my dad.

He never calls this late.

I raise the phone to my ear. “Hey, Dad. What’s up?”

“Can’t a father just call to say hello to his son?” he says in the same deep pitch as mine.

I snort. “Hi. How’s Mom?”

“She misses you. So do I.”

As a child, I wanted to be like him in every way. I busted my ass on and off the ice to impress him, to follow in his footsteps. All of the ignorant gay comments have pushed me away.

Since my father’s berating at the beach house, I barely speak to him. What’s there to say to a man who told me to stop doinggay things?He’s such an asshole. I can’t even think about him without getting angry.

“You’re playing the best season of your career,” Dad says. “Coach Marten sent me clips from your last game. Without you, this team wouldn’t have consecutive Frozen Four championships. I’m proud of you, River.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

While I’m not his biggest fan anymore, knowing I’m on the right path still feels good. That all of the shit I sacrificed for hockey was worth it.

“I have good news,” he tells me. “Several teams are interested in signing you. I spoke to Mickey tonight. He wants to arrange for you to meet each team and let them present their offers in person.”

“I’m in the middle of a semester,” I point out since he seems to have his head jammed up his ass. “I can’t withdraw my enrollment and abandon my team mid-season.”

“You can. I already spoke to your coach and the dean.”

“I’m not bailing now,” I snap. “We’re close to our fourth consecutive Frozen Four win, and I graduate in May. This is important to me.”

I also hate the idea of leaving Nate. I would have joined the NHL years ago if it weren’t for him.

“River, stop acting like a child. This is real life. College can wait. You’re never going to use a law degree.”

“Just because you dropped out after your freshman year doesn’t mean it will work out the same for me.”

“You’re in your prime,” he fires back. “Right now, you have teams looking at you. This won’t last forever. When an opportunity presents itself, you have to grab it. You can’t keep turning down these teams and think they’ll come running back whenever you’re ready. It doesn’t work that way. Grow up, River.”

My skin burns from his harsh words. While he might be right, he could get his point across without being such an asshole.

“Fine,” I say, taking a long, irritated breath. “Set it up for when I come home for Thanksgiving.”

Nate will flip out, which is why I won’t tell him. Knowing I could leave him sooner than expected will send him into a downward spiral.

My dad sighs in relief and says, “Hold on a sec. Your mom wants to talk to you.”

A second later, my mother says, “Rivie. Hey, baby.”

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