Page 83 of Our Secret to Keep

Lately,River is all I think about. He’s on my mind day and night, thoughts of him playing repeatedly in my head like a highlight reel.

River.

River.

River.

My best friend has invaded my brain like an alien taking over a planet. It’s hard not to think about him when I see him in class or at practice. Plus, we live on top of each other. It would be easy to ignore these nagging feelings if he weren’t right next door.

But I can’t.

I must keep my idle hands occupied, so I whip out the journal River bought at the campus bookstore. We met between classes, but instead of shooting the shit, he stuffed the book into my hand.

“Get your fucking shit together,” he said and walked away.

I didn’t follow.

No point.

River’s pissed about me using him this morning and rightfully so. I deserve the silent treatment or whatever punishment is coming my way.

Propped up against a maple tree in the quad, I rest the journal on my knees and start writing every dirty thought I had today.

I woke up with a boner and accidentally touched River’s dick. I liked it. I liked it a whole fucking lot. His dick is big like mine but slightly girthier.

Fuck, why do I like his dick so much? I’m not gay. This is all so confusing.

We fought about me wanting to have sex. To stop me from doing something stupid, he climbed on top of me… and then we made each other come.

I loved it.

Every second.

I don’t understand why.

Are my feelings specific to River? Is the bond Dr. Swanson mentioned making me do things out of my comfort zone?

I didn’t hate River on top of me. I also didn’t mind him kissing my neck as we both came.

What does that say about me? Is this my addiction talking?

Since this morning, River has barely spoken to me. I crossed the line.

How do I fix us?

Later that morning, I stared at Professor Walcott’s ass for most of the class. It’s firm, round, and just right. I thought about sinking my teeth into her flesh and wondered how her pussy would taste.

She caught me looking at her.

I winked.

She scowled.

She’s around forty and has a good body for her age… but not a great face.

I would fuck her.

From behind.

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