Page 82 of Our Secret to Keep

“I can’t talk to anyone else. Not even Nate.” I pause for a beat to catch my breath. “Especially not him. Normally, I would tell him everything. But he’s not in his right mind. His addiction is worsening because of me. I created a monster.”

“There’s more to this story,” he says, picking up my shit mood. “What are you not telling me?”

“This morning, we did something stupid. Nate accidentally touched my dick. At least, I think it was an accident. I was already hard.” I shrug. “Morning wood. But something snapped when he touched me. He was getting ready to leave my room and watch porn… So, I stopped him by jumping on top of him.”

My hot professor cocks an eyebrow at me. “And? Did you fuck him?”

He seems more interested than judgmental, which is a welcome relief. I was afraid telling anyone other than Dr. Swanson would be too embarrassing. But I also figured, given his side hustles as a camboy and stripper, that he would understand.

“No, we didn’t have sex,” I tell him. “Nate gripped my hips and rubbed our dicks together. I told him to stop…” I lick my lips at the smoking hot memory. “He gave me an out. But I couldn’t move. I wanted to know what it would feel like to fuck him… or the closest thing to it.”

“You both got off?”

I bob my head. “Have you ever done anything like that with a straight friend?”

“Fuck, no.” He scrubs a hand across his jaw. “I only dreamed about it.”

“Do you think Nate is bisexual?”

“Has he ever hooked up with a man?”

“No.”

“Have you ever noticed him looking at men?”

“Nope.”

“Honestly, River. I don’t know. Addicts don’t think the way we do. They only care about getting their next high. The longer an addict uses, it alters their brain chemistry.”

Professor West tugs at his tie, and my mind wanders back to him on top of me at Glitter, half-naked and wearing a sexy football player uniform.

“Think about it this way. If Nate were a drug addict desperate for a hit, would he suck your dick?”

Without question, I nod. “So, it’s what I thought. Nate isn’t gay. Just lost in his addiction.”

Professor West rolls his broad shoulders. “I work with a guy who only likes one man. He’s never felt attraction toward another man and has been in a relationship with his partner for five years. If they were to break up, he said he would go back to fucking women.”

“Huh.” I stare into his pretty blue eyes, needing his words to be true. “In other words, there’s hope for Nate and me?”

He pushes his palms to the desk and rises from the chair. “Possibly. But in my experience, it rarely works out with straight men who want to experiment. I’d be careful.”

I sling the backpack over my shoulder and stand. “Thanks, Professor.”

He walks me to the door. “Do you feel any better?”

I nod. “Can I come back if I have other questions? I promise not to make things weird. I know what I did at the club… and felt sick after leaving. I shouldn’t have treated you that way.”

He pats me on the back. “It’s all good. You can talk to me if you need to. Just make an appointment.”

After I leave his office, a massive weight lifts off my shoulders. I already feel a hundred pounds lighter. But I can’t stop thinking about what he said.

It rarely works out with straight men who want to experiment.

Nate will destroy me if I let him. Except I’m in too deep to stop this moving train.

CHAPTER27

NATE

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