Page 73 of Our Secret to Keep

Her gaze snaps to River. “You’re essentially in a relationship with Nate but without any benefits. How has this impacted your life?” When he doesn’t respond, she says, “I’m not trying to pry into your personal life. I want to understand how much Nate’s compulsions impact those around him. A little insight would help to treat him.”

River’s fingers brush mine as he clears his throat. “And this is all covered under the NDA?”

She nods. “I’m also bound to doctor-patient confidentiality. I won’t disclose our sessions. Not unless I think Nate is endangering himself or others.”

“Do you think he’s a danger?”

“No,” she says without hesitation.

River lets out a deep breath. “I’ve never had a girlfriend. Never been on a date, not unless you count the Sundays I spend with Nate. Until recently, I hadn’t realized we’ve been doing that. Dating but without any benefits.”

He glances at me, his eyes watery. A brief pause passes as we stare at each other, using our unspoken bond to communicate. Without words, I know what he’s thinking.

River loves me.

He hates that I feel like this.

He wants me to get better.

I need him to keep talking for me, so I tip my head at the doctor and tap my fingers on his hand.

River shifts on the cushion and looks at Dr. Swanson. “I have no idea what it’s like to be in a relationship with anyone but Nate. When things with us first started, I did nothing to stop him because I was a horny teenager and wanted sex just as much as he did. But now… It’s getting old. I walked out on Nate and Samantha on Saturday because I can’t keep doing this to myself.”

My heart cracks in two. If he were to stop… I can’t even think about what I would do. River is my lifeline, the oxygen I need to breathe.

Dr. Swanson clears her throat, sitting straighter in the chair. “Does your arrangement have rules to keep Nate in line?”

River thinks over her question, deep in thought. I can see the shame on his face, the same shame I feel daily.

What am I doing to him?

By hurting myself, I’m bringing my best friend down with me. Thank fuck we’re here. Even though this sucks, maybe the doctor can cure me.

“He’s only allowed to have sex with one girl at a time,” River explains, yanking his hand away to cross his arms over his chest. “We decided on this arrangement because of the last sex tape that almost got leaked. It cost Nate five million dollars to cover it up. And that wasn’t the first time.”

“So, the threat of exposure led to your new rules?” Dr. Swanson asks.

“Yes.”

“When it comes to River, you don’t seem to have an issue committing,” she says, studying my face as if searching the depths of my broken soul. “When he asked you only to have sex with one woman for his safety, you agreed. And you kept that promise. Why?”

“Easy. Because I don’t want him to get hurt because of me.”

A frown pulls at River’s mouth. “Whenever we find new girls, he turns it into a game. Like we’re hunting prey. When, not if he loses interest, he tosses them to the curb and moves to the next one.”

Dr. Swanson takes more notes. “How long do the women stick around?”

I sink into the couch and bury my face in the decorative pillow. A scream is on my tongue, ready to explode from my chest. But I force myself to stay calm. To take those fucking breaths.

“One night,” River says when I don’t respond, still hiding behind the pillow like a coward. “A week. A month. It depends if Nate likes them or not. And if they’re willing to do more extreme stuff.”

She tucks the notepad between her thigh and the chair, drawing my attention to her legs. For a woman her age, she’s toned in all the right places.

Stop it, Nate!

“Do you have repeats with any of the girls?”

Her voice snaps me back to reality, commanding me to look at her face instead of wandering between her legs.

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