Page 66 of Our Secret to Keep

“I’m happy with you. That’s gotta count for something.”

River presses his lips together, mulling over my words. He seems at a loss for something to say.

“I can’t do this without you,” I tell him.

“I know.”

He lets out a deep breath, blowing a strand of dark brown hair in his eyes. They’re a pretty dark green, unlike anything I have ever seen. But River is unlike anyone I have ever known.

He’s special.

River opens his door. “We should go.”

Once inside the office building, we hop into an elevator. The backside has a glass wall, so I can see into a courtyard as we ascend to the seventh floor.

The second the doors open, my heart pounds like a drum. All I can hear is thethump, thump, thumpin my ears. I step into the corridor and put my palm on the wall. It grounds me. Brings me back to the present moment.

River cups my face in his big hands. “Nate, look at me.”

I do as he asks.

“Youwillbe okay.”

“I can’t breathe,” I whisper.

“Yes, you can. It’s all in your head.” His arms wrap around me, and I cling to him for dear life. “Just hold onto me, okay? Do you feel my heart beating against your chest?”

I hug him harder, feeling the steady beat. “Yes.”

“Take a deep breath in through your nose,” he says in a hushed tone. “Hold it. And then, let it out.”

Once again, I follow his command, and as I do, breathing becomes easier. Resting my head on his shoulder, I continue the process until my chest doesn’t feel like it will collapse.

River moves his hand to my heart over the top of my T-shirt. “You’re okay, Nate. You’re safe.”

I am safe.

With him.

We stay this way for a few more minutes until the elevator dings. I pull away from his embrace and walk toward Dr. Swanson’s office.

River is beside me, his fingers grazing mine. “You okay?”

“Sure,” I lie.

At least, for the moment, my heart isn’t ready to give out. But only time will tell. I still have an hour of divulging my darkest secrets to a doctor.

Kill. Me. Now.

At the front desk, I give my name to a forty-something brunette woman with big tits falling out of her top. I don’t find her remotely attractive. Yet, I can’t stop staring at her tits.

My mind constantly drifts back to sex. I can’t stop thinking about women in sick ways, enacting all of my fantasies in my head. Most of the time, I play those scenarios out in real life. That’s why I need women who are willing and uninhibited. Girls like Samantha I can mold.

The woman hands me a clipboard with papers.

I glance at the top page. “What is this?”

“Medical history. Insurance info. That kind of stuff.”

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