Page 29 of Our Secret to Keep

“Nope.”

“Oh god.”

“I prefer to be called Nate, but god will do for now.”

River laughs and smacks my stomach with his pillow. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.” I pull him close enough to smell his musky cologne and soap. “You love me.”

“Yeah.” He sighs. “I do.”

“Anyway, I also thought I could do a video in my jersey. No gear underneath. Just me naked from the waist down except for shin guards and skates, slowly teasing the camera as I shove my jersey up my stomach. Or I could do a strip tease first.”

“Fuck,” River hisses.

“Yeah, you like that one better?”

“I feel like you’re fucking with me,” River says, resting his head on my chest. “Are you making fun of me for watching gay porn?”

“Not at all. I get the appeal. That was kinda hot.”

“Yeah.” He tilts his head to look at me. “You think so?”

If River is gay or bisexual or however he wants to identify, then I’m going to make him the best fucking porn. I want him to know that I support him. That I will keep his secret. He’s confused and questioning his sexuality, which is understandable because I am, too.

“Why do you think I’m offering to make it for you?”

“This is not how I thought tonight would go after you left the house.” River flings his arm across my body, draped over me like a heavy blanket. “Are you gay, Nate?”

“Fuck, no,” I say without hesitation.

I might wonder why I enjoyed this, but I am not into other men. My interests are specific to River.

“Then what was this?”

I trace my finger over his nipple. “Just two friends helping each other out.”

River sucks in a sharp breath as my finger wanders lower. “Friends don’t make gay porn for each other.”

“Sure they do.”

He chuckles to cover another moan slipping past his lips. “No, they don’t.”

I play with the thin patch of hair below his belly button, loving how he shivers when I touch him. “You would like it, wouldn’t you?”

He hesitates and then says, “Yeah, I would.”

“Okay, then I’ll do it for you.” I hold River close to my chest and drink in his scent. “You should know by now there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You’ve done so much for me. There’s no way I can ever repay you for helping all these years.”

He yawns, lying across me like a sleeping cat. “You don’t owe me anything.”

Yeah, I do.

As he falls asleep on my chest, I wonder what tonight means for us. Nothing has to change, yet everything feels different. I can’t look at the world the same after holding River’s dick in my hand or coming on his ass.

I might not be straight.

That kind of scares me.

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