Page 25 of Our Secret to Keep

Two of my teammates emerge from the kitchen, giving me a nod of thanks, and head toward the door with the other players.

The thing about addicts? They like it when other people do bad shit with them. Then, it doesn’t feel so wrong and dirty.

I glance at River, arms crossed over his thick chest and shaking his head.

He can disapprove all he wants.

Fuck, I only asked for a handjob, not anal sex. You’d think after all the times he’s touched my dick during sex, he wouldn’t care. But he’s acting all weirded out.

River steps in front of me. “Nate, don’t do this.”

“Have you reconsidered?”

His gaze sweeps around the room at our teammates. All five hockey players are now putting on their shoes by the door.

“Is my hand really what you want?” River whispers.

I press my lips to his ear so only he can hear me, and he shivers as my breath heats his skin. “Someone’s touching my dick tonight. I don’t care who.”

At that, he scowls. “Fuck you, Nate.”

“If you want it to mean something, it can.”

What am I saying?

I’m losing my damn mind over my best friend. And I don’t understand why. Lately, he has become my new fascination—a twisted obsession.

River shakes his head and steps back. “No, just fucking go. Don’t come crawling into my bed when you can’t sleep tonight.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Really? What’s your problem?”

“You will do anything to get what you want.” He tugs at the ends of his dark brown hair and sighs. “I can’t do this with you anymore.”

My heart races a mile a minute, ready to make a prison break from my chest. Fucking traitorous organ. It always works harder when River is around. Somehow, my heart knows what I want before I do.

Do I want River?

Anymore, I don’t know. I can’t make sense of my feelings. My trauma bonds us, transforming our friendship into something… different. My life only makes sense with River. If he were to leave me…

Parker cracks open the front door, breaking our staring contest. “Yo, Brooks!” Are we going or what?”

I toss my car keys at him. “Start the engine. I’ll meet you at my car.”

He catches the keys and closes the door.

Once we’re alone, I grab River’s shirt and pull him to me. “You can stop me, Riv.”

It’s the truth.

I might take and take to feed my addiction. But I would give him anything. He’s my best friend, the only person who understands me.

He licks his lips. “What is this, Nate?”

“I don’t get the question.”

“You and me.” He sighs. “I’m so fucking confused anymore.”

Pressing our chests together, I drink in his scent and memorize the feel of his muscles. “Do you hate touching me?”

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