Page 102 of Our Secret to Keep

“I’m not letting you go,” I tell him. “You’re not walking away from me.”

His head snaps to me, and wet strands of dark hair flop onto his forehead. Fuck, he’s killing me. Every bone and muscle in my body aches for him.

He bites his lip, studying my face as if trying to memorize every feature. “I need you to be sure, Nate.”

“What do you want me to say?” I step into his space, caging him against the locker, forcing him to look into my eyes. “I’mnotgay. I don’t like men.”

With a smirk, he slides his hand down my chest, fingers splayed over my bare, wet skin. “You don’t like it when I do this?”

I mutter a curse, refusing to acknowledge how much I like it when the pad of his thumb brushes my nipple. “No, I hate it.”

“Liar.” He grabs my hard cock over top of the towel. It falls to the floor as he kisses my neck, reaching down to massage my balls. “Or this?”

As my eyes slam shut, I hiss, “Yes, I fucking like it. Doesn’t make me gay.”

“Maybe not.” River rolls his tongue over my bottom lip. “But at the very least, it makes you bisexual. Stop denying who you are, Nate.”

My eyes open in an instant. “I’m not…”

He holds his finger to my lips. “Shhh. I don’t care. You’re still my best friend. Nothing has to change that.”

“What if it does?” I bite my lip. “What if I suck at this? I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Sex with women is easier than breathing. I go through the motions, not thinking much about it. But sex with River? I have no idea where to begin.

River senses my worry and says, “How about we take this one step at a time?”

“Tell me what to do. I’m out of my element.”

“This is new for me, too,” he confesses. “I’ve never kissed another man. Never touched one until you. If you want my firsts, you can have all of them.”

“Fuck. Yes, I want them. I want whatever you’ll give me. You’re the only person I’ve ever completely trusted.”

“Same,” he agrees. “I can’t quit you, Nate. I’m obsessed with you… and have been for a long time.”

His nose brushes my neck, and I wrap my arms around him, desperate to hold onto this moment. My hands glide over his shoulders, down his biceps, and eventually land on his chest. As I continue my slow perusal of his muscular body, he moans.

He lifts his head, those pretty green eyes latching onto me. “Tell me you won’t regret me.”

“I won’t.”

“I need you to mean it.” River drops his hands to my biceps, all while I attempt to calm the pounding in my chest. “If we’re going to do this, you can’t change your mind afterward. This cannot be a hook-up.”

He has to know I’m incapable of a real relationship. No matter how hard I try, Iwillfuck this up. It’s not a matter of if but when. For River, I will at least try to make this work.

But what if I don’t like having sex with a man? Until we do it, I won’t know for sure.

“What do you want from me?” I say after a beat passes, tension clinging to the air. “A contract signed in blood? A promise to be with you forever?”

He shakes his head. “No, but I want it to mean something. I want more than sex.”

I rip off his towel and massage his big cock, loving the noises he makes for me. “This is new for me. I have no idea what I’m doing. But I want to fuck you. I want you to scream my name when you come. Isn’t that enough for now?”

“If you change your mind, what happens to our friendship?”

The sex will probably be mind-blowing and worth every second, but I refuse to lose him. Also, we’re not supposed to be having sex. It breaks the rules Dr. Swanson laid out in therapy. And yet, I don’t fucking care.

Didn’t she want me to find intimacy? Well, there’s nothing more intimate than being with River. No one makes me feel as seen or validated as he does.

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